5 Intention-setting Ideas to Find Real Freedom

America Turns 250!

As we all look for our own ways to celebrate this milestone, it got me thinking about what real freedom feels like.  I don’t think it is an external experience, I feel it is an internal job.

Real freedom is often blocked by psychological barriers, not physical ones.  We are living in uncertain and scary times that are activating our fear responses in our bodies, leaving us feeling helpless and maybe even hopeless.  I also suspect it is creating some level of block to speaking and acting in alignment with our authentic selves and living life to its fullest.

So I am reminded at this time of one of the seven Hermetic Principles that states “As within, so without, as above, so below, as the universe, so the soul.”  This principle suggests that inner balance creates outer harmony, where our emotions, thoughts and beliefs shape our external actions.  The suggestion is that the more inner peace we can cultivate, it will be reflected out into the world through our actions.  A powerful, universal mantra and movement is “Peace starts with me” and it emphasizes that creating a more harmonious world begins with individual self-reflection and inner healing rather than waiting for external circumstances to change.

So if it is fear that is holding us back from being truly free by keeping us trapped in familiar routines and preventing us from taking risks, how might we work with fear?  Fear tries to convince us that staying safe is smarter than being authentic, ultimately restricting our potential and agency.  Yes, safety – and survival – are mission critical, as it is a basic human need to thrive, so it is a good place to start the journey of finding inner peace.

Below are some intention-setting ideas for working with fears that make us want to stay small so you can begin to create more psychological internal safety and sense of freedom:

1. Fear of Judgment.   Rejection, especially when we are very young, activates our survival/fear strategies to adapt – or mask – to belong.  When we worry about other people’s opinions, it is a normal, natural adaptive response to conform and hide our true, authentic selves to avoid such rejection.  Rejection is painful!  Unfortunately, what we learn to do in this adaptive process is reject those authentic parts of ourselves, judging them as ‘bad’ and believing they jeopardize our survival.  If this fear resonates with you, consider sitting with your little one inside and have a conversation.  Let your little one know that you are grateful for what they did to survive.  Then ask them what it is they need to feel safe.  Give your little one voice to express their truth – their needs, passions, gifts – that someone informed them was not acceptable.  Then tell them you accept them!!
2. Fear of Failure.  This fear feeds our perfectionist part that developed a belief that they needed to be perfect in order to be loved.  Unfortunately, the fear of losing the love of someone we love because we had an accident or made a mistake, paralyzes us and prevents us from trying new things or pursuing our goals in order to avoid the discomfort of embarrassment and disappointment others may feel.  If this fear resonates with you, perhaps challenge the narrative of your perfectionist by asking “What is the worst that could happen (in this specific situation)?”  Remind your perfectionist that failure is a necessary part of human development.  Let them know it physically rewires the brain through neuroplasticity to learn from mistakes.  Embracing setbacks as a natural stepping stone transforms how you navigate life with more peace.
3. Fear of the Unknown.  Consistency and predictability is calming to the nervous system.  Unpredictability and inconsistency can be scary.  Staying in familiar routines, roles or relationships can feel safer than stepping into something new.  It is because it is what you know, you have learned to navigate it and are still here to prove it!  Fear of the unknown keeps you clinging to what’s familiar—even when it uncomfortable or painful.  The fear of starting over or facing uncertainty makes the known pain feel more tolerable than the unknown possibility.  If this fear resonates with you, consider creating a vision board to help you focus on what you want to create and where you want to go.  Change feels less scary when it’s tied to hope, not fear.  And remember, you don’t have to make any drastic changes to start.  Taking tiny, repeated actions builds confidence  Start with small, low-risk changes to build your confidence and prove to yourself that uncertainty doesn’t always mean danger.
4. Fear of Vulnerability.  What if I told you that vulnerability – having the courage to be your authentic self – is a superpower.  The dread of emotional exposure or being hurt prevents us from forming deep connections and speaking our truth.  Fear of getting hurt can keep you emotionally guarded, even when you deeply crave connection.  If you have survived a painful experience—whether in love, friendship, or family—it is a normal, natural adaptive response to want to protect yourself.  However, staying guarded all the time can leave you feeling isolated.  You have learned to associate closeness with pain or instability.  Unfortunately, a real connection requires some level of vulnerability.   If this fear resonates with you, perhaps practicing being vulnerable by simply admitting when you are tired or may need support.  Learning to ask for help challenges the belief that it’s safer doing it all by yourself.  People often mask this fear with hyperindependence.  You might begin by sharing a minor disappointment with a close friend or vocalizing a small need rather than carrying everything yourself
5. Fear of Being Too Much.  Fear of being too much can cause you to shrink yourself to avoid making others uncomfortable.  This fear often shows up in people who have been told they are “too emotional,” “too intense,” “too loud” or “too sensitive.”  It feeds the belief of ‘There must be something wrong with me.”  You start to believe that your personality needs to be toned down to be accepted.  So you learn to play it safe—dialing back your enthusiasm or opinions or stuffing down or ignoring your emotions just to avoid being seen as overwhelming.  This fear feeds the people pleasing part within us.  When you constantly filter yourself in order to make others feel comfortable, you disconnect from your most authentic self.  Since you learned to play it safe, know that you can unlearn these behaviors.  If this fear resonates with you, consider telling yourself (and then frequently reminding yourself) that being expressive, sensitive, or having big feelings is a natural style, not a character flaw.  You can learn to lean into spaces and surround yourself with people who welcome your unique energy.  You’re not too much—you just might not be for everyone. The right people will appreciate your authentic self, not just the version that plays small.  And the more you appreciate and express your authentic self, not only will you experience more inner peace and freedom, you will model it and empower others to do the same!