If we are lucky, our parents actively taught us the concept of compassion towards others. If we were very lucky, our parents actively taught us self-compassion. Unfortunately, it is only recently that such concepts have come forward in the research as tools to support our body, mind and spiritual health, so most of us may not feel lucky. Fortunately, compassion – and self-compassion – can be cultivated and integrated into our experiences, both with others and with ourselves, no matter how old we are currently.
So what is self-compassion? Many of us might think it includes self-pity, which will tend to keep us from cultivating the belief that we deserve comfort and care when we are experiencing pain and suffering. Dr. Kristen Neff defines self-compassion as having three elements: 1) self—kindness versus self-judgment; 2) common humanity versus isolation; 3) mindfulness versus over-identification. The three elements build upon the need to accept that we are human and, as such, are perfectly imperfect. This means we will all fail at something in our lives, we will all subjected to loss at some point and we will all trip up and make mistakes on our journeys – these are all facts of life. When we think we can bypass these inevitable experiences or ignore the pain that such experiences cause us, we open ourselves up to a deeper level of suffering. It is when we encounter such challenges in our lives that we need to offer ourselves the same kindness and care as we would offer to someone we love, instead of offering judgment or criticism. That’s self-compassion.
There is so much judgment and criticism in the world, which comes from a place of fear and creates darkness, separateness, and negativity. When we can invite understanding of the shared human condition into our awareness, remembering we are not alone in our pain, then we can open our hearts from a place of love and invite in light, connection, and positivity. When we experience the pain of failure or loss, we must allow ourselves to acknowledge the pain and not ignore it, yet be mindful at the same time that the powerful emotions that arise with the pain do not define us and, if honored, will move through us. If we try to ignore the pain, either by stuffing it down or distracting ourselves from it, our body and mind will begin to express the effects through illness. We must embrace that pain, along with such powerful emotions as disappointment, rejection, judgment, fear, anger and sadness, are part of the common human phenomenon. We are all going to experience these situations and emotions – no one can escape them for long!
I grew up in a family where one of my parents wore their emotions on their sleeve for everyone to see, while the other one learned to compartmentalize their emotions for no one to see. So when I experienced powerful emotions, I hadn’t learned how to work with them in a way to bring a balanced state of being, until I learned about self-compassion as an adult with the help of kind and patient psychotherapist. Prior to that point, I bought into the saying that “We are our own worst critic”, judging myself harshly, feeling very alone in my pain, and doing my best to deny or distract myself from my emotions. It was until I embraced my humanness and those powerful emotions that humans experience and must express that I was able to create space in my heart for compassion. From that point, I had to learn how to offer myself kindness and care when disappointment, rejection, or grief greeted me. With practice and patience, I have come to experience offering compassion to myself in painful times as one of the most powerful tools in my self-care tool kit for health, peace, and well-being.
Now the research is validating that self-compassion is a powerful practice for inner peace and health! If you are interesting in reading more, click on this link below:
Are you looking for a magic pill for anxiety, but without the pill?
/0 Comments/in Neurofeedback /by LindaAs a yoga teacher, you might expect me to tell you that meditation is the answer. And, although meditation has absolutely been shown to reduce symptoms of anxiety, many people who suffer from anxiety get anxious just thinking about the idea of meditation. Instead, non-invasive brain stimulation (i.e., direct neurofeedback) might bring more immediate relief of symptoms, creating space in the mind to contemplate meditation and even begin to practice it!
As someone whose nervous system tends to lean towards anxiety, my yoga practice including but not limited to pranayama, meditation and self-inquiry has brought me much peace over years of practice. Yet, when chaos would begin to brew as it will and I would begin to feel a sense of overwhelm, I would greet my fear all over again, like a familiar (yet not comfortable) old friend. I wondered if all of my body-mind-spirit practices would ever be enough to soothe my root chakra to the point of simply accepting fear for what it is – an early warning system meant to guide me to safety.
It wasn’t until I experienced direct neurofeedback that I sensed that shift in my relationship with fear. I came to understand that trying to train the mind when the brain is caught in a deeply patterned dysfunctional loop can only do so much to soothe my nervous system and create new neural connections. Operating from the conscious mind, we quickly discover that making the unconscious conscious is really hard heart work! Awareness brings understanding and understanding creates an opportunity for choice, yet our unconscious mind can throw so many barriers up to prevent such awareness for fear of breaking our hearts.
When we can work with the body directly – specifically the brain – we can address the root source of the problem, circumventing the barriers of the mind while supporting the body’s self-healing abilities. For anyone that has tried acupuncture, this idea may sound familiar. By soothing the fear centers in the brain, the mind begins to notice space where there was none before. Space to consider our experiences (past and present) in a new light with a new perspective. And when we venture into those places of fear, such as chaos, we have a greater capacity and ability to stand in our own power and not get swept up in that sense of overwhelm. From this place of power, we being to experience a greater sense of connection, to our authentic self as well as to the larger collective consciousness, realizing we are not alone.
When we truly can accept that ‘we are not alone’ into our belief system and we add ‘interdependence’ and compassion to our value system, the fears of uncertainty and unpredictability that underlie anxiety can be replaced with equanimity. With the help of direct neurofeedback, I no longer found myself plagued by the belief that independence is the source of happiness, where shame is abundant when asking for help or support, or the thoughts around needing to be perfect in order to be acceptable and loved, which drove me to exhaustion. Direct neurofeedback appeared to create space in my mind for new beliefs and values much more quickly than psychotherapy and/or yoga alone.
Recent research on non-invasive brain stimulation such as direct neurofeedback in generalized anxiety disorder is beginning to explain such results. If you are interested in reading more, click on the link below:
Summer Lunar Eclipse Vision Board Playshop on July 14, 2019 to Support Manifesting Your Dreams!
/0 Comments/in Events /by Linda5 Intention-setting Ideas for Creating Healthy Boundaries
/0 Comments/in Newsletter /by LindaWhat I have experienced since learning about and setting healthy boundaries is much more freedom and less stress in my life!
However, before a healthy boundary can be created, we need to understand what a boundary is and is not. Boundaries are anything that limits something. For example, time is a boundary, because there are only 24 hours in a day. No matter how much we might want to negotiate for more, Mother Nature is not going to budge!
On the other hand, boundaries are not selfish. In fact, boundaries can be quite empowering. I was once offered a way of looking at setting boundaries as a gift that I can give another person, to help them reconnect with their own autonomy and competence, building their self-confidence. This way of looking at boundaries does not mean that we stop helping others out when they are in need; however, it does ask us to deploy our skills in discerning what the best choice is in each moment.
When we can embrace the idea that setting boundaries is self-care (not selfish), then we can begin to take steps toward identifying the boundaries we want to create that will benefit both ourselves and others. A mantra I was offered to assist me in shifting from the belief that it is selfish to prioritize my needs over the needs of others is “Say no, so others can grow”. Take a moment right now and write this mantra down on a piece of paper or index card and place it somewhere that is accessible to you on a daily basis. Now, think about it for a moment longer.
If you are still not buying it, here is an example that I think most people will be able to connect to. Imagine a child is ready to learn how to tie their shoes. You begin to teach the child how to do it. Each day you teach the child, you watch them trying it on their own, showing progress and excitement as their fingers start to cooperate. Now comes the hard part – the day you have to tell them “No, I’m not going to do it for you anymore, because I know you can do it by yourself”. It hurts you to hear their protests and see their tears, but you stand your ground. Now envision their face when they come back into the room and want to show you how they were able to tie their shoes by themselves. Can you feel their joy!
Think of this example when you begin to explore setting healthy boundaries, remembering that when you say no, you are creating space for another person to figure something out for themselves because you BELIEVE in them, that they are capable of doing it without you doing it for them. I know first hand that this sounds easier said than done, so below are some intention setting ideas to support your efforts in establishing, clarifying, expressing and reinforcing healthy boundaries:
As always, if you try any of these intention-setting ideas for holistic health, I would love to hear about the impact they might have had for you. Please send me an email at linda@sanctuary4compassion.com to share!
Tame Your Dragon with Compassion-focused Therapy (CFT)!
/0 Comments/in Talk Therapy /by LindaDo you sense that you are your own worst enemy? Is your inner critic’s voice loud and obnoxious on most days? Are you challenged to accept your flaws as a human being? Do you find yourself berating yourself when you make a mistake? Is most of your energy and time spent on trying to be perfect in order to avoid making such mistakes? Well, you are not alone and Compassion-focused Therapy (CFT) might be the prescription that the doctor orders!
Talk therapy, or psychotherapy, can take many forms, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Emotionally-focused Therapy (EFT), and Narrative Therapy, and Compassion-focused Therapy (CFT) is one of the newer kids on the block. However, the research is very promising and CFT is making a name for itself within the field of psychotherapy! It evolved as an approach to healing for people experiencing high shame and self-criticism that creates mental health challenges, such as anxiety, depression, and addictive, impulsive behaviors. And, having been a perfectionist in the past that suffered from anxiety growing up in an environment born from chaos, I can personally attest to the peace that comes from quieting the inner critic and accepting my imperfections as a normal, natural state as a spiritual being having a human experience.
So if you are tired of trying to be perfect (whatever that is?!?) and feeling like a failure when you make mistakes, all hope is not lost. If you are thinking that you might need some help in challenging the shame that your inner critic brings up, then you might seek out support from someone that will work with you to expand your ability to experience compassion through CFT. As a psychotherapist that looks through such a compassionate lens, it has been my experience that it will feel awkward at first because it is something new and different. Yet, it is exactly that feeling that indicates there is much room for growth and healing through compassion.
Although I have not done any research of my own, I can personally attest to the shift I have experienced as well as the shifts I have seen in my clients when our hearts began to open to the idea of our common humanity through compassion. For those of you that need a little more evidence, click on the link below to read a review that summarizes the findings of research where CFT has improved the mental health in clinical populations:
5 Intention-setting Ideas to Spread Kindness
/0 Comments/in Newsletter /by LindaValentine’s Day is a reminder to share the love!
This “Hallmark Holiday” doesn’t have to have the market corned on romantic love. We can challenge the world to broaden the view of February 14th as a reminder to share the love and kindness with ourselves and others.
Below are some intention setting ideas to spread kindness and, by doing so, bring more peace and joy into our hearts and into the world:
As always, if you try any of these intention-setting ideas for holistic health, I would love to hear about the impact they might have had for you. Please send me an email at linda@sanctuary4compassion.com to share!
Can 8 weeks of listening to a 13-minute daily guided meditation change your life?
/0 Comments/in Yoga /by LindaThe second most frequent question I get asked – after how many times a week should I do yoga (Click here to read my reflection on this question) – is how long should I meditate each day in order to reap the benefits? Well, it appears that brief daily meditations can have a positive effect and it can be as simple as picking your favorite meditation to listen to each day for just 8 weeks!
When I was first introduced to the idea of meditation on my yoga mat, I was still struggling with giving myself permission to include taking care of myself on my “To Do” list and was in the process of embracing the idea of that in order to take care of another, I must take care of myself first. So, the idea of creating time to sit still and empty my mind of my thoughts did not seem realistic. And, at the time, we didn’t have “smart” phones we carried around with us all day!
As I continued my yoga practice on my mat, I learned that meditation can take many forms, not just one. In fact, the very last pose of all yoga practices – savasana – is a very powerful meditation opportunity. When I initially found myself in savasana, I used the time to organize my “To Do” list for the following day, leaving my mat feeling uplifted by the clarity this time created for me to get even more organized. It took me awhile to release my attachment to the need to be productive even in the quiet, still moments of life and fully appreciate those moments to simply BE.
As I slowly began to embrace the concept of less is more and challenge society’s demand for multi-tasking, I opened up to the idea that creating more opportunities for “being” brought balance to all of the “doing”, which, I personally discovered reduced my anxiety and allowed space for a response instead of a reaction. I found myself in yoga classes 5, 6, 7 times a week as my body was motivating my mind to get through the “doing” to settle into the “being” that savasana supported. The challenge then became how to learn how to meditate off of my mat, without a teacher guiding me in a group class.
And that is one of the exciting offerings that advances in technology bring to us today – you can access meditations online without ever leaving your own place of comfort! So, the question then becomes, is this sort of meditation effective, where you are listening to someone guiding you through the practice or is it required that you sit in silence trying to quiet your mind on your own to gain the benefits? Well, recent research conducted with non-experienced meditators suggests that such a daily practice can enhance attention and memory and improve mood and emotional regulation. The research had participants listen to a 13-minute recorded, guided meditation for 8 weeks and found that such a short, practical meditation practice affected cognitive functioning in these ways with non-experienced meditators!
So now might be the perfect time to find that guided meditation that you find comforting and soothing to download and start listening. This research also found that only 4 weeks was not enough time to experience the beneficial impact, so don’t give up!
To read more about this research study, click on the button below:
5 Intention-setting Ideas to Support the Manifestation of Your Dreams for 2019 and Beyond!
/0 Comments/in Newsletter /by LindaNew Year resolutions have all been set and rung in for two weeks now and, as some of the motivational energy behind those resolutions might be fading a bit, I thought I would dedicate this newsletter to the number one tool for manifesting our desires, intentions and dreams – visualizaton!
As the quote above by Henry David Thoreau suggested so many years ago, holding a picture in our mind is quite powerful. Visualization helps clarify our heart’s desires, supports maintaining focus on our dreams, and expands awareness of how to co-create our manifestations as the Universe now knows what to send our way.
Visualization is the fuel that is needed to keep the fire of motivation burning brightly. Visualization trains the mind to see and recognize the support being provided to us by the Universe. Visualization can reduce our worry about the future, aligning our minds and hearts and plugging us into the web of life. We gain trust – in ourselves and the world – and feel more confident when making decisions, knowing that we are making our choices from a space of clarity and intention.
Below I offer ideas you might want to try to begin visualizing for this year and beyond:
The Stigma of Stuttering – Can Direct Neurofeedback Improve Speech Fluency?
/0 Comments/in Neurofeedback /by LindaIf you know – or have ever known – someone that struggles or struggled with stuttering, then you most likely are aware of how physically and mentally exhausting it can be for them to communicate as they attempt to control the disruptions in their speech caused by this neurodevelopmental condition. And when we realize that this condition typically begins before the age of 6 and impacts about 5% of preschool children, then I’m sure that most of us can imagine how children might develop additional mental and emotional challenges, such as anxiety, embarrassment, shame and low self-esteem, that most likely will have a significant impact on how they experience life as they grow up.
The good news is that many children outgrow this condition as their brains continue to develop. With the help of speech therapy, many others will be able to learn how to slow down their speech enough to manage the disruptions. However, some (approximately 1%) will continue to stutter for a lifetime. Research focused on these adults is beginning to show changes in the actual structures of the brain when compared to adults without this neurodevelopmental condition. This is great news as it allows for exploration of treatments known to impact those brain structures.
Once such treatment, direct neurostimulation is beginning to gain some traction in the realm of research on stuttering. There may be variations in the neurostimulation technique; however, the treatment is non-invasive and includes the delivery of direct, low-intensity electrical currents to the scalp. If the intensity of the electrical current is higher, it will work to change the neurons (stimulating or reducing neural firing), while lower intensity currents will work with the brainwaves, specifically disrupting dysfunctional brainwaves patterns and supporting the brain’s innate ability to organize and regulate itself. Either way, these treatments that gently work to stimulate the brain directly are bringing hope to those who continue to be challenged by this condition into adulthood.
So, if you, a loved one or someone else you know is part of the 1% of the adult population still dealing with this neurodevelopmental condition, consider reading the recent research by clicking on the link below:
5 Intention-setting Ideas to Expand Our Capacity for Self-Compassion
/0 Comments/in Newsletter /by LindaAlthough the holidays bring visions of family coming together, these images may not always bring the joy presumed by the presentations. Many of us struggle to create an accepting and caring environment when we ourselves did not receive such acceptance and caring as we grew up. Add the stress of trying to plan “the perfect” meal and buy “the perfect” gifts for everyone and we are setting ourselves up for frustration, failure, and ultimately suffering.
How can we stop this vicious cycle? We can learn to give ourselves that acceptance and caring during the holidays and all year long! Cultivating self-compassion has been shown to be the answer for such suffering. And, although the concept of compassion might be foreign, it is possible to develop it no matter how old we are.
Below, please find five intention-setting ideas to start you on the journey of self-compassion:
Is self-compassion the answer to happiness?
/0 Comments/in Talk Therapy /by LindaIf we are lucky, our parents actively taught us the concept of compassion towards others. If we were very lucky, our parents actively taught us self-compassion. Unfortunately, it is only recently that such concepts have come forward in the research as tools to support our body, mind and spiritual health, so most of us may not feel lucky. Fortunately, compassion – and self-compassion – can be cultivated and integrated into our experiences, both with others and with ourselves, no matter how old we are currently.
So what is self-compassion? Many of us might think it includes self-pity, which will tend to keep us from cultivating the belief that we deserve comfort and care when we are experiencing pain and suffering. Dr. Kristen Neff defines self-compassion as having three elements: 1) self—kindness versus self-judgment; 2) common humanity versus isolation; 3) mindfulness versus over-identification. The three elements build upon the need to accept that we are human and, as such, are perfectly imperfect. This means we will all fail at something in our lives, we will all subjected to loss at some point and we will all trip up and make mistakes on our journeys – these are all facts of life. When we think we can bypass these inevitable experiences or ignore the pain that such experiences cause us, we open ourselves up to a deeper level of suffering. It is when we encounter such challenges in our lives that we need to offer ourselves the same kindness and care as we would offer to someone we love, instead of offering judgment or criticism. That’s self-compassion.
There is so much judgment and criticism in the world, which comes from a place of fear and creates darkness, separateness, and negativity. When we can invite understanding of the shared human condition into our awareness, remembering we are not alone in our pain, then we can open our hearts from a place of love and invite in light, connection, and positivity. When we experience the pain of failure or loss, we must allow ourselves to acknowledge the pain and not ignore it, yet be mindful at the same time that the powerful emotions that arise with the pain do not define us and, if honored, will move through us. If we try to ignore the pain, either by stuffing it down or distracting ourselves from it, our body and mind will begin to express the effects through illness. We must embrace that pain, along with such powerful emotions as disappointment, rejection, judgment, fear, anger and sadness, are part of the common human phenomenon. We are all going to experience these situations and emotions – no one can escape them for long!
I grew up in a family where one of my parents wore their emotions on their sleeve for everyone to see, while the other one learned to compartmentalize their emotions for no one to see. So when I experienced powerful emotions, I hadn’t learned how to work with them in a way to bring a balanced state of being, until I learned about self-compassion as an adult with the help of kind and patient psychotherapist. Prior to that point, I bought into the saying that “We are our own worst critic”, judging myself harshly, feeling very alone in my pain, and doing my best to deny or distract myself from my emotions. It was until I embraced my humanness and those powerful emotions that humans experience and must express that I was able to create space in my heart for compassion. From that point, I had to learn how to offer myself kindness and care when disappointment, rejection, or grief greeted me. With practice and patience, I have come to experience offering compassion to myself in painful times as one of the most powerful tools in my self-care tool kit for health, peace, and well-being.
Now the research is validating that self-compassion is a powerful practice for inner peace and health! If you are interesting in reading more, click on this link below: