My New Year’s Intention – The Time’s Up for Shame!

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As I have written about in the past, I am not a big fan of making resolutions for the New Year.  I find that such resolutions often bring with them failure, self-judgment and self-criticism, and ultimately shame when I might step away from such rigid demands on myself.  Sounds more like a recipe for depression than self-improvement if you ask me!  Which made me wonder if that is why many of us don’t bother with setting resolutions and, if we are brave enough to attempt them, why so many of us don’t succeed in such undertakings.  Could it be more about being hard on ourselves versus the unrealistic goals that we tend to set for ourselves at this time of year?  Or is it the shame that holds us back?  Or might it be a combination of both?

So, when I sat in reflection of my self-improvement efforts in 2017 in order to create a vision for myself in 2018 that is more intentional, motivating, and empowering, I found myself drawn so strongly to the #MeToo Movement that is now evolving into the “Time’s Up” campaign!  What felt so powerfully moving to me was the act of shining a light on the shame, that is transferred to someone who experiences one of the most natural, normal, adaptive, human responses to a body-mind breaking situation, so that shame can be given back to the rightful owner, the transgressor.  When we find ourselves in a situation that appears threatening, whether to our physical bodies or to our physical circumstances like our livelihoods, our bodies/brains know what to do to survive without much thought.  The first automatic survival response is to flee and when the mind realizes that might not be possible, it considers fighting for its life.  When the mind suspects it might not survive the fight, it freezes, even sometimes fainting, as a defense mechanism to try and trick the predator into thinking they are dead and leave (them alone).  And, of course, when we freeze – or faint – our voices go silent.

It is only when the “after” (survival) thoughts arrive that we begin the real battle, because we unknowingly took on the trangressor’s shame as our own.  The thoughts get really loud while our voices remain silent, for fear that we won’t be heard and supported and, instead blamed and rejected.  Anxiety and depression present themselves and become the unwelcome visitors in our daily lives and homes.  When we can experience the acceptance and support of others, we can then begin the journey of healing, bringing more acceptance and compassion towards ourselves.  When we can see the shame as not ours and give it back to the one who transferred it to us, we can begin to accept that we are human and we did what we had to do to survive at that time.  And now we can move forward and thrive, by embracing – maybe even expressing gratitude towards – our vulnerability as one of the strongest parts of ourselves, the part that helped us survive to live another day and become a part of a movement and campaign that has the energy to transform the world.

So, my intention is 2018 is be a compassionate support for those brave souls that are able to honor their vulnerable parts by speaking up, identifying and talking about shameful words and behaviors.  I intend to stay connected to the well of compassion for myself as the perfectly flawed human that I am, leading by example, showing others that self-compassion is the first, last, and every step in between on the path of healing.  Connecting to our ability to experience self-compassion while, at the same time, holding shame in the light is the true recipe for individual self-improvement and inner peace as well as contributing to the elevation of the collective consciousness of the world.

If you are interested in reading the recent research showing that self-compassion is more effective than the more established strategies of acceptance and reappraisal in decreasing depression, click on the link below:

Self-compassion effective affect regulation strategy

5 Intention-setting Ideas for finding Comfort and Peace during the Holiday Season

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“Grief never ends . . . but it changes.  It’s a passage, not a place to stay.  Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith . . .It is the price of love.” – Elizabeth I
With the holiday season upon us, many of us might not be feeling the joy of the season.  The holidays tend to bring visions of gatherings of friends and family, with the intention of spending time with loved ones and creating heart-warming memories to carry with us throughout the year.  However, this time of year may also bring back painful memories of the loved ones we may have lost this year or around this time of year in the past.

I recently lost both of my beloved furbabies, Eclipse and Mocha, who brought me so much comfort, love and light over the past thirteen years.  I miss their tangible presence in my life.  I know they are forever with me in my heart memories and yet visiting those memories brings both joy and sadness.  Grief is a tricky emotion, as Elizabeth I so eloquently describes in the quote above.  It is the price we humans pay for experiencing love and I believe that the experience of love, no matter the source, is priceless!

Therefore, remembering that as long as we are alive, we will experience loss, so create space for yourself to experience the grief knowing you have been blessed by the presence of love that came before it.  Below are some intention-setting ideas to bring you some comfort and peace as you may find yourself traveling through the passage of grief:

  1. Create a ritual.  When we find ourselves in the throes of grief, we may feel vulnerable, uncertain and even anxious.  Research has shown that engaging in a ritual can reduce those feelings.  Consider setting aside a day and time to maybe write about the love that you felt or to look at photos that reflect the joy you felt.  You might light a candle and listen to your (or their) favorite music.  Give yourself permission to allow all emotions to be expressed.
  2. Watch your favorite movie.  If you are concerned that once you open the flood gates the tears won’t stop, plan to have your favorite movie cued up and set a timer.  When the timer goes off and you have to get up to shut it off, take that moment to begin to watch your favorite movie.  Movies, no matter what genre, have a way of helping us to transcend time and space, soothing our minds and hearts in the moment, even if only for a short time.  Experiencing only a moment of transcendence reminds us that our emotions, like life, flow and change constantly.
  3. Go to bed early.  At this time of year, when the sun sets so early in the day, we may find ourselves thinking about heading home from work and climbing in bed, while thinking that there is something wrong with us for having such a thought.  We might even try pushing past what our bodies are asking for, finding ourselves making plans that prevent us from going right home after work.  If we stop for a moment and observe nature at this time of year, the cycles of life reflect how much goes dormant or hibernates.  My beloved furbabies were a constant reminder that when it got dark, it was time to go to bed, no matter what the clock said!  So, if the comfort of your bed calls, heed the call!
  4. Take a walk.  Go to your most favorite local outdoor place, whether it’s a mall, park, beach or garden store.  Plan to walk around for a half hour, maybe setting an intention to notice something new that you hadn’t noticed before that makes you smile.  Watch what happens when you surround yourself with the comfort of the familiar while opening yourself up to something new that might bring you joy in the moment!
  5. Reach out.  Undoubtedly, we will all need time to ourselves to navigate through the passage.  And, just as undoubtedly, we will all need the comfort of others to stay on course through the passage.  Therefore, identify one person that you have felt comforted by in the past, that you trust will understand, and pencil it in your calendar to reach out to that person to share with them what you are experiencing.  Let them also know what you might need, from them or others, such as just someone to listen (and not fix), a hug, or a visit to your favorite coffee and tea shop.

Has the fountain of youth been found?

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I think many people might agree with me when I say that the best holiday gift we could receive would be a way to slow down time and the aging process.  Well, what if I were to tell you that researchers may have identified a way to slow down one of these – would you be willing to do whatever it takes?  What if “whatever it takes” is a pretty simple change in lifestyle choice that may hold the key to delaying the aging process?  Are you with me??

When I first discovered yoga, I was simply trying to find some sort of exercise that I could do by myself since work began to interfere with my first passion, tennis.  In addition, the stress of work and lack of exercise contributed to a painful herniated lumbar disk in my back, further limiting my movement options.  Little did I know that “doing yoga” would not only help heal my back pain, but would also support reframing the painful thoughts that I experienced in my mind as well.  As I experienced these significant shifts in my life, I found myself longing for more time on my mat.  My mind and body began to crave it as my sleep improved, my blood pressure lowered, and my ability to respond (instead of react) improved.  So, as you can imagine, I was hooked!

Now, years later, in my mid-50s, I find myself in the minority of the American population that does not require a prescription medication to maintain my health.  I feel blessed that I found yoga when I did and recommend yoga and meditation to anyone that might be interested in trying a different approach to improving their body-mind-spirit health.  Now with this new research, I might take a different approach to “selling” yoga, because yoga and meditation now have been shown to demonstrate improvement in biomarkers of cellular aging and longevity!

After just 12 weeks of a yoga and meditation based lifestyle intervention, there was a positive change in almost 10 different biologically-based indicators of physical aging.  Participants’ ages ranged from 30 to 65 years of age and the intervention included a 90-minute practice (including yoga poses, pranayama or breath practices, and meditation techniques) derived from a mix of Hatha and Raja yoga that was performed 5 days per week.  The results reflect that although we may not be able to change our biology or chronological age, if we commit to such a lifestyle we can certainly reverse or slow down the pace at which we age, prolonging a youthful, healthy life!  Are you in?

And let me challenge any thoughts that might arise as you read this reflection that might suggest to you that you are not flexible or strong enough to “do yoga” or that it’s too late, I’m too old, or I’m not in a physical shape that would allow me to participate in a yoga class.  There are yoga classes available to “every” body and mind, including gentle, breath-centered, trauma-informed, restorative, chair, mood management, and sound healing to name just a few.  There are also yoga classes designed for beginners, ones geared toward athletes, and others intended for people living/recovering from chronic diseases, such as cancer and multiple sclerosis.   It might take a little research to find the right class/teacher for you to take the first step towards integrating a yoga and meditation practice into your life, but I promise you it will be work the time and effort!

If you would like to read more details on this latest research, click on the button below:

Yoga and Meditation Shown to Reduce Signs of Aging

5 Intention-setting Ideas for Supporting the Immune System Through this Holiday Season and Beyond!

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“Compassion, bringing inner strength, is good for our health.” – The Dalai Lama

While we may do our best to eat well, get enough sleep, and continue our exercise routine through the holidays, sometimes that is just not enough to avoid catching a cold or flu, especially because we find ourselves spending more time with others at this time of year.  And there is no worse time to find these germs breaking through our defenses then over the next 6 weeks!

So, as we make plans to gather with friends and family around the dining room table this holiday season, it is my hope that you might relax a little more knowing that there are some tried-and-true ways to bring more comfort to the body, support the immune system and shorten the length of time that the body needs to suffer from the symptoms of the common cold.  Below are several intention-setting ideas to consider should you find yourself “under the weather” this holiday season:

  1. ZINC!  Research has shown that taking zinc gluconate during a head cold shortens the duration of the symptoms.  Over-the-counter products, such as Cold-EEZE or Zicam, contain zinc gluconate and the research suggests that the zinc ions block the cold virus from replicating.  What this means is that we may not be able to stop the germs from breaking through our natural defenses, but we can stop them from replicating any more once inside of our bodies, thus giving our immune system a better opportunity to win the war faster.  Therefore, as soon as you feel that scratchy throat or heaviness in your head, start taking zinc and don’t stop until your nose can smell the cookies in the oven and visions of sugar plums dance in your head once again.
  2. Essential Oils.  Look for an essential oil blend that contains oils such as cinnamon, clove, eucalyptus, rosemary, and wild orange which have been shown to have immune-boosting properties.  Simply add a few drops to some coconut oil or almond oil and rub it into your skin around the throat, chest and even the soles of your feet.  Adding these essential oils to a room diffuser can work to kill any germs that might be lingering in your home.
  3. Warm Up.  Research is finding that when our body temperature is warmer, viruses replicate slower and die off quicker.  Therefore, when you start to feel the first signs of a cold, create environments for yourself to raise your body heat, such as taking a hot bath or shower or sitting in a hot tub or steam room.  You can add the above mentioned essential oils to your bath or sprinkle a few drops on the floor of your shower.  Or wrap yourself up in your favorite comforter and snuggle up by your fireplace (or space heater) with a good book or movie!
  4. Indulge Your Sweet Tooth with Honey.  Raw organic honey contains enzymes and antimicrobials that not only fight germs, but soothe scratchy throats and coughs.  Studies have even demonstrated an improvement in sleep quality in children who took honey with upper respiratory tract infections, so try eating a teaspoon or two of honey before bed.  Throughout the day, you can simply boil some water, add honey and maybe some freshly grated ginger root to sip on to comfort body, mind and spirit.
  5. Stimulate blood and lymph circulation.  Ayurveda, the sister science to yoga, offers a practice that can be done on a daily basis to stimulate circulation and cleanse the lymph system – dry brush lymph massage.  The lymph system helps rid the body of toxins, waste, and other unwanted materials by transporting lymph, a fluid containing infection-fighting white blood cells throughout the body.   Doing this practice when a virus has invaded our body is important to promote detoxification, supporting the elimination of the toxins as quickly as possible.  Try a natural-bristle brush that you might use to wash your back in the shower and start at the feet.  Using short, brisk strokes work up the body towards the heart, focusing on areas where lymph nodes are most concentrated, such as inner thighs/groin area and arm pits.

Thanksgiving Day Football – Why I will NOT be watching!

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I can remember watching football as young as 7 or 8 years of age because it was where we could find our father on Sundays.  My dad would be so engrossed in the games that we could stand behind him and say “Dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad” and not get a response.  However, if you said something “Wow, that was a good catch”, he would turn around, look at you, and say something like “Yes, it was”.  So we learned very early on that if we wanted our father’s attention it was best to join him in his world and a lot of his world revolved around sports.

Living in the southern part of New Jersey, I found myself surrounded by Philadelphia Eagles fans, although my father was/is a die-hard New York fan.  I quickly joined the ranks of Eagles fans and it was something that my husband and I had in common.  By 1990, I had joined his Fantasy Football team and my partner and I were the only women in the league.  My interest and knowledge of the sport became a source of pride for me.  That all changed two years ago when I saw the movie Concussion.  If you are a huge football fan, you may want to stop reading now.

In this movie, Will Smith plays the forensic pathologist Dr. Bennet Omalu that discovered Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE) which is a neurodegenerative brain disease similar to Alzheimer’s disease that arises from repeated head trauma.  He embarks on a mission to raise public awareness about the dangers of football-related head trauma, even with the players wearing helmets and a professional football league rule against helmet-to-helmet contact.  Subsequent research of deceased former high school, college, and professional football players showed that 177 out of 202 players were diagnosed with CTE, with the disease being diagnosed in 110 out of 111 (or 99%!) of the former NFL football players.  This data hurt my mind and body!

CTE can only be diagnosed via autopsy so identifying the signs and symptoms much earlier is vital.  This knowledge made me think about our little ones and their beautiful developing brains.  Then I came across even more recent research looking at the mental and behavioral challenges experienced in adulthood that might be tied back to playing tackle football before the age of twelve.  Researchers questioned 214 men whose only organized sport participation growing up was football.  The results reflect that those who started playing tackle football before the age of twelve were 33% more likely to show signs of depression and about 28% more likely to have behavioral problems in adulthood.  Lead author of this research Dr. Michael Alosco writes “Research on the effects of football on the brain is now at a point where it cannot be ignored.”

Well, I for one no longer am ignoring the data.  After more than 40 years of being a dedicated fan, I have stopped watching football this year.  Instead I have joined the ranks of mental health professionals who work to help relieve the suffering that comes from the symptoms of depression and behavioral challenges and raise the awareness and collective consciousness around the underlying causes of such suffering.  So this Thanksgiving, you will not find me in front of the TV watching a sport that appears to value the almighty buck more than the mind-body health of the players.  I still greatly value team sports and supporting the community it creates and I hope that this research will encourage new ways of playing that dramatically reduce or eliminate the inherent risk of concussions.  Until then, I am learning to enjoy the time I have freed up on my Sundays by connecting with like-minded souls.

If you would like to read more about this research, below are two links.  Click on the first link to read about the research based upon the autopsies.  Click on the second link to read about the research on playing tackle football before the age of twelve.

Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE) in Football Players
Dangers of Playing Tackle Football Before the Age of Twelve

 

5 Intention-setting Ideas to Support the Development of Santosha

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“Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, but the realization of how much you already have.”― Anonymous
With the holidays fast approaching, it is likely that our minds are kicking into high gear, with thoughts beginning to focus on what needs to get done before they arrive!  These types of thoughts tend to encourage us to reach for our “To Do” lists, possibly adding a boat load of tasks, lighting the fire under our expectations around what this time of year is supposed to bring.  And when expectations enter into the picture, we set ourselves up for suffering at the hands of disappointment.

I attended a workshop many years ago about letting go of my expectations as a way to reduce the stress of the holiday season.  I remember thinking “Why would I ever want to lower my expectations?”  It sounded like I was being asked to let go of my goals, which ran counterintuitive to my (at the time) Type A personality, but I was willing to try anything to avoid the inevitable pain that I came to experience when it came to this time of year.  When I tried it out that year, the result was one of the best gifts I ever gave myself!

Now, fast forward to my present day experience, where I have loosened my grip on my attachment to my Type A personality traits, I set intentions instead of having expectations, and I trust that the Universe will co-create something even better than I every could imagine by myself.  How did I get from point A to point B?  Well, it hasn’t always been a straight line, yet one particular practice has proven invaluable, especially at this time of year.  The practice is the development of Santosha, which is Sanskrit for contentment.  And even though the human mind’s default position is to worry or focus on the negative because it is what keeps us safe when danger approaches, it doesn’t mean that we can’t flip the switch by seeking the beauty, harmony and peace in every experience.Now, I’m not going to tell you it is easy.  It takes practice, just like any new sport or hobby you might want to take up.  So, if the idea of expanding the sense of inner peace sounds appealing to you, below are some ideas to support the practice of Santosha and I recommend trying them out now BEFORE the holiday season is upon us!

  1. Let go of what you can’t control.  When we really think about what is truly under our control, we quickly realize not too many things come to mind.  To support the expansion of our awareness of this adage – or something similar like “letting go instead of holding on” – you might want to write it down and put near your tooth brush so you can remind yourself on a daily basis, even several times a day.  As you allow this awareness to become more evident in your mind, also tune into the felt experience in the body too.  When you feel the pain of disappointment or loss, the body is informing you that you were probably trying to control something out of your control and had attached expectations to the outcome.  So try letting go of the need to control and the associated outcome expectations.  Not only will you reduce the pain that naturally accompanies loss but you will reduce the experiences of disappointment altogether!
  2. Stop comparing yourself to others.  When we spend our energy focusing on others, what they have that we want, we discount our own unique gifts and zap ourselves of the potential we have to live our dharma.  Instead, shift your energy to focus on discovering, cultivating, and growing your own gifts and notice how much more vitality and peace you experience.
  3. Look for the silver lining.  When we find ourselves stuck in a unhealthy or painful situation, it can be very difficult to tap into our reservoir of inner peace and contentment.  In those moments, I suggest sitting for a moment and ask yourself “How might this situation be serving me?”  Everything serves although it might take us a little while to figure it out.  Sometimes we find ourselves in situations in order to learn what we don’t like or want in our lives, especially when it doesn’t bring us comfort.  Use this information as a guide for moving forward in a different, more authentic direction for yourself.
  4. Develop discernment, don’t judge.  Judgment can sometimes be a mask for expectations.  We expect people to behave a certain way or to say certain things and when they don’t, we judge them.  Judgment is very contagious and when we catch ourselves judging another, we start to realize how much judgment has seeped into our experience, where are thoughts are now judgments of ourselves!  Instead, allow others to express themselves, however differently than you might express yourself, and consciously distinguish what is appropriate or inappropriate for you.  When we bring consciousness to our thoughts, we open up to discernment and, with discernment we make healthy choices for ourselves and uplift the collective consciousness at the same time.
  5. Practice gratitude.  Our social culture motivates us to spend a great deal of time, energy, and resources to create and generate, from simple ideas to literally concrete structures.  However, our culture does not encourage us to spend an equal amount of time, energy, and resources in appreciating what we have achieved.  This culture creates an imbalance and this imbalance disturbs our Santosha.  Think about how much effort it requires to cook a meal for our families and how little time it takes to eat it so we can run to our next expectation or commitment.  However, research has shown that if we took more time cultivating appreciation for what we already have, including the food we eat, we begin to expand our sense of contentment, bringing more inner peace into our minds and bodies and to the world.

Do essential oils truly calm stress and boost the immune system?

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I remember my first exposure to essential oils through my yoga teacher training and was fascinated by the claims made that certain aromatic scents had differing impacts on the mind and body.  Now, I’m not the type of person that believes everything I hear, so I figured I would try it out for myself.  What I immediately experienced was a sense of attraction to some oils and a sense of resistance to others.  It also reminded me that one of the first perfumes I liked as a little girl because it brought me a sense of calm was one that smelled like lemons!

My yoga teacher training also expanded my view of what yoga is.  Most of us think of it as a movement-based practice, commonly perceived as stretching.  However, what I learned is that before you even venture on a mat to move your body, there are actually two rungs of the ladder to step on before coming to the asanas or poses.  The first rung is known as the Yamas or guiding principles in how we interact with others and the second rung is known as the Niyamas or guiding principles to how we interact with ourselves.  The Yamas and Niyamas are 10 “common sense” guidelines for leading a healthier, more peaceful life and have as much to do with the mind and spirit as they do with the body.

So what do these yogic guidelines have to do with essential oils you ask?  Well, one Niyama in particular, Santosha or contentment, suggests being at peace within even while experiencing life’s challenges.  For many of us this idea seems quite elusive, especially if we suffer from the lingering impacts of trauma.  When our bodies are in a hyper-alert fear state, it is very difficult for the mind to focus on being happy with what we have.  Instead, we find ourselves simply doing what we can to survive and our immune systems suffer right along with the mind.  So when I read a new research study that showed encouraging mind-body results by merely inhaling orange essential oil, it got my attention!

This recent research looked at PTSD symptoms and the types of immune cells that play a role in the PTSD disease process when mice passively inhaled orange essential oil.  The results indicated a significant reduction in PTSD symptoms and decrease in the related immune cells.  These outcomes are very encouraging since essential oils are much more economical than the medications that are currently prescribed and do not have the adverse side effects of such medications.  Plus they’re pleasant to the nose!

Whether or not you suffer from PTSD symptoms, we all live in a very stressful world.  So what do you have to lose by simply buying a bottle of orange essential oil and a diffuser (prices range from $10 to $50 dollars) and setting it up at home or even in your office?  You can sit back, breathe deeply, and tune into your level of Santosha and that of your family, friends, and co-workers.  Worst case scenario is you might find them craving oranges and wondering why!

If you tend to be a little skeptical about all of the complementary and alternative medicine practices that claim to produce the same benefits as our more traditional, Western medicine, click the link below to read more on this recent study:

Healing Effects of Orange Essential Oil

5 Intention-setting Ideas to Support Our Connection to Nature

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“The trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let the dead things go.” — Anonymous
My sense is that Mother Earth is trying to get our attention.  With the floods in South Asia, earthquake in Mexico, and Hurricane Harvey and Irma, she is shouting at the top of her lungs! And I, for one, am listening.

With the fall equinox upon us this week, it is a great time to contemplate our connection to nature and in our own small ways, begin to set intentions to strengthen that interdependent bond.  Both equinoxes, spring and fall, are times when there is a balance between light and dark.  Between the fall equinox on Friday, September 22nd and the winter solstice, on Thursday, December 21st, days in the Northern Hemisphere will give way to longer nights.  Mother Earth begins her journey into the quiet darkness of night where nature moves into a stage of inner preparation.  Animals prepare for hibernation.  These outward signs offered by nature can guide us on our continued journey of transformation.  And if we each do our own inner preparation, embracing the quiet darkness within, we’ll discover new ways of being that may be more in harmony with the cycles of nature and supportive of the larger web of life.

Below are some intentions to contemplate at this time of year to demonstrate to Mother Earth that we are listening and are open to honoring our connection to her:

  1. Balance.  The word “Yoga” means union, or to yoke or join, and suggests that in uniting or joining opposites, such as light and dark, we bring balance, wholeness, and peace to our bodies, minds, and consciousness. When we reject the darkness, we are rejecting parts of ourselves that are simply mirrors for us to use in reflection.  Plan to spend some time in reflection, looking deeply into the mirror, seeking the light in the darkness and the darkness in the light.  Ask yourself if there are parts of yourself that scare you, invite them to sit with you awhile and get curious about why you might be rejecting them.  If we reject a part of ourselves, such as our angry part, this part provides just as much fuel to what moves us as the parts we accept in ourselves.  In fact, our rejected parts tend to pop up as uninvited guests sometimes at the most inopportune moments because we have not integrated them into our view of self as a whole and balanced being having a human experience.
  2. Cleanse.  As the trees begin to drop their leaves, let it inspire you to turn up the heat under your practice of Satya, which is the active pursuit of truth. Satya is one of the Yamas of yoga, which guide us in how to interact with others, which is a reflection of how we treat ourselves.  This practice requires us to loosen our grip on what we think is truth, because it most likely is simply our – or someone else’s – opinion.  So, one idea is to listen for any judgments that come up at this time, especially when it is towards another and watch how that judgment guides your behavior.  Again, get curious about the judgment, asking yourself where did it come from and do I really believe it, and if you discern that it didn’t come from you (instead it came from someone else or it is a societal message) and you don’t really buy into it, visualize it being washed away.  Then you might ask yourself how might you respond differently in that situation moving forward now that you have gained some clarity around what you believe is true.
  3. Let go.  Create space for yourself by planning to take a Restorative Yoga class this month.  This yoga practice focuses on our parasympathetic nervous system, the “relaxation and digestion” response in the body.  Poses are supported with props, such as blankets and bolsters, and are held for a minimum of 10 minutes, to provide enough time for the body’s activation system to turn off.  The signal to the muscles is “let go” and soften to bring balance to all of “the doing” found on our schedules.  When this practice is integrated into our schedule on a regular basis, it begins to show up off of our mats when we find ourselves letting go of thoughts and deeds that no longer serve us, others, and the world!
  4. Honor the Void.  To support your practice of Satya, consider starting a meditation practice to help quiet the mind and create space between your thoughts.  Most of us try to distract ourselves from our thoughts as they are often critical and judgmental of ourselves.  When we meditate, we don’t try to stop our thoughts so much as we create space around them, to allow us to drop beneath them and not be under their control, as they tug at us to engage in the conversations of the mind.  In the space between our thoughts, we are able to connect to our inner light that is intimately and eternally connected to source, reminding us that we are divine, perfect beings living in a imperfect world.  Meditation does not need to be hard – simply start out by taking 1 minute a day for a week to stop, bring the awareness of the mind to your breath, and actively lengthen both your inhales and your exhales. Then maybe explore the many free meditation apps available and find one that you like.  As you continue your practice, the space created in the mind invites in more peace, enabling you to share that peace with others, including Mother Earth, more readily.
  5. Practice Pranayama.  Pranayama is Sanskrit for the practice of controlling or channeling your essential life force energy in your body.  Prana, or life force energy, floats on the wave of your breath, so simply sitting for a moment to watch your breath, sensing where you feel your breath in your body, and working to expand and lengthen the inhales and/or exhales  has you on your way to awakening the energy and tuning into your own cycles of life. With each breath that you experience with awareness and control, the mind is drawn back into alignment with the heart in the body, supporting mind, body, and spirit health.  The basic yogic – and human – breath pattern is described as a 3-part breath, with the inhale expanding the belly, then the ribs, and then the collarbones and the exhale releasing from the collarbones first, then the ribs, and then the belly.  If your mind would prefer, you can simply silently count to yourself, maybe starting with a count of 4 for both the inhale and the exhale, and then working slowly towards a longer count, maybe a count of 6 or 8.  This pattern of controlled breathing actually helps the body and mind to reconnect to the natural rhythm of breath that our babies experience, before life weighs down on us, causing us to hold or shorten our breath cycle.  The longer our breath cycle, the longer our cycle of life!

Loneliness – when acceptance and connection are elusive

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Why is it that we can be surrounded by people – even our friends and family – and yet still feel alone?  Research has suggested that loneliness is more common than we might think, with 80% of children and 40% of seniors experiencing it.  Loneliness results when we believe if we reveal our true self to others that we will not be accepted and, instead, will be judged negatively.  To avoid the emotional pain of rejection – or lack of acceptance – we either wear masks and pretend to be someone we are not and/or tend to pull back and isolate ourselves, cutting off our life-giving connection to ourselves and others.

As a young person, I often felt different from the people I found myself surrounded by.  People would tell me that I shouldn’t feel the way I felt or that I should pursue a particular career because it was the smart thing to do, implying if I didn’t want to pursue it that I must be dumb.  I spent a great deal of my life trying to fit in, hiding my emotions and behaving in ways that I was told was right.  I remember talking to friends about feeling like I was a square peg trying to fit in a round hole and they would look at me with a funny look on their faces.  I just kept thinking that if I continue to put myself out there I will eventually find my place in the world.  So I kept searching and searching, trying on different masks to see if I could find the “right” one.  Ultimately, my search for acceptance left me exhausted and full of self-doubt!

I found my way into therapy and spent several years on a journey of self-discovery.  This journey took me deep, to the roots of where the seeds of my beliefs came from so I could understand why I was looking for external validation versus allowing the expression of my authentic self.  Once I understood where my beliefs came from and why they developed, I then got the opportunity to question them to decide if I still believed them or if they actually weren’t my beliefs in the first place.  Once I was able to get to a place where I could embrace (yes, accept!) my uniqueness and stop trying to conform just to fit in, I found a greater sense of peace.  This inner peace brought me more ease when interacting with others, reducing the judgment both of myself and others.  And once I got a taste of that felt sense of inner peace, ease, and acceptance, my way of being in the world changed and opened the door for a deeper connection in all of my relationships.  I was able to relatively quickly find my tribe where I no longer had to put on any masks because they appreciated my energetic vibe just where it was.

As a social species, humans grow when we feel accepted, connected, and supported on our journey to remain true to our purpose in life and the expression of our unique talents in the creation of the meaning of our purpose.  If we feel stuck and alone, it may be a sign that we are disconnected from our authentic being, chasing that elusive sense of acceptance from others.  What we might need is some time and space to work on accepting ourselves.  And what research is showing is that reaching out and asking for help through therapy might just be a way to alleviate the pain of loneliness and deepen our felt sense of connection.

If you would like to read some of the research about why increasing our understanding of loneliness matters, click on the link below:

Loneliness Matters

 

5 Intention-setting Ideas to Tap Into the Energy of the Total Solar Eclipse

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“All the variety, all the charm, all the beauty of life is made up of light and shadow.” ― Leo Tolstoy
Total solar eclipses are not as rare as we might think, happening somewhere in the world every 18 months or so. However, the next one to cross the United States from coast to coast, like the one that will occur this Monday, 8/21 won’t occur again until August 12, 2045!  And the last one was almost 100 years ago!  So, even if you are not able to watch the current incredible visual spectacle, you can still take advantage of the heightened level of energy that can be felt two or three days both before and after such a huge astrological event.

The heightened energy impacts both the external environment and our internal environment.  Solar eclipses occur at the new moon and new moons are a time to reflect on our goals and plant the seeds of our intentions, just like the Farmer’s Almanac recommends planting seeds in our gardens at the new moon to give them the best chance to grow. With the elevated level of energy from the total solar eclipse, our seeds will receive an extra boost from nature.  So let this not-to-be-missed visual reminder help you gain clarity around what you want to manifest at this time.

Below are some ideas to consider to support the change this total solar eclipse can bring into your life:
  1. See the Total Picture.  Take inspiration from this total solar eclipse to embrace both the light and the dark in our lives and our world.  We often struggle with things that we can’t see, don’t understand, or are different than our values.  However, if we open ourselves up to seeing another perspective, to seeking to understand before seeking to be understood, and to honoring our differences, we are expanding the light and shining it into the darkness.
  2. Live in the Moment.  Our lives are so busy, with our culture pushing us to constantly multi-task to the point of exhaustion.  Allow this total solar eclipse to create an opportunity to just stop for a moment, look up and notice the color of the sky while taking 3 long, deep breaths.  It doesn’t have to wait until Monday – start today!
  3. Celebrate Nature’s Cycles.  And although total solar eclipses are not an every day event, they do occur in a pattern.  So let this one be a reminder to celebrate the cycles of nature and life.  Maybe plan to light a candle at the time of the total solar eclipse and use the two to three minutes of darkness as a time to just BE, reflecting how interconnected life is.
  4. Don’t be afraid of the Dark.  Many of us deny our shadow side due to fear. However, we all have a shadow side and we need to learn to lean into it, instead of trying to run from it. It is what makes us HUMAN!  Maybe set an intention at the time of this total solar eclipse to find the courage to explore and embrace your shadow side. What you just might discover is the inner peace you have been searching for!
  5. Lighten Up!  With the light of the world shining into the dark corners, now is the time to make sure no one or nothing tries to put your inner light out – it is needed more than ever!  Let the total solar eclipse motivate you to plan to do something that fans the flame of your inner light and let it shine out like it has never done before!