Growing up in a dysfunctional, toxic family environment left deep, ingrained patterns of thinking and acting to avoid the uncomfortable, powerful emotions that boiled just beneath the surface, until my ability to stuff them down and sit on them didn’t work. It was at those times that the emotions would come out – and come out strong – to the point of overwhelming me and any one near me! What I came to learn is that I worked very hard – physically, mentally, and emotionally – to be perfect, to do everything right so I would avoid disappointment and feel that elusive sense of acceptance from others. Now I understand that a common human condition is imperfection and from that deep understanding, I am able to tap into a reservoir of self-compassion to remind myself that we reach perfection when our spirit leaves the human body.
So, as long as I am alive, I have come to accept the fact that I will make mistakes, even some that may hurt others although it is not my intention to do so. Coming from this place of acceptance that I am not perfect, I am able to not only express forgiveness and kindness to myself, I am more easily able to reach out to others with that same sense of compassion for their humanness.
Don’t get me wrong, getting to this point was not a short trip or an easy one, but it has been well worth the journey. I was my own worst critic, as many of us are, and would judge myself harshly for a long time. No matter how much I accomplished, it never felt like it was enough or good enough. The first step in being kinder to myself was to reflect on why I was so judgmental in the first place. Well, as you can probably guess, I learned it from my family. And it wasn’t only from my family, it was a bigger, broader experience of society’s judgment and subtle messages that to be accepted, we must be perfect. Once I was aware of my inner critic and why and where she grew from, I could then own my suffering that this inner critic created.
In recognizing the suffering, I began to get curious about the emotions that came up, such as fear of being criticized, losing the acceptance of others, guilt, and the sense of being less than and unworthy of the acceptance I so needed. As I sat with these uncomfortable feelings and explored what messages came from these powerful emotions, I started to ask how they might be trying to serve me in some way. I learned that feeling guilty was a guide that led me back to my authentic self whenever I might find myself straying away in my thoughts and actions. Sitting with criticism informed me that it is important to be open to the feedback of others because sometimes we are blind (and deaf) to our behaviors and words, specifically how those behaviors and words might impact another. I also discovered that when I would be criticized by others, I was simply acting as a mirror to reflect back the other person’s felt sense of inadequacy, so it really wasn’t about me.
When sitting with the fear of losing the acceptance of others, I realized it was because I really feared accepting myself. Somewhere down the line I was told I was different, because I was so emotional, which was projected on to me as I was “irrational” and thus not acceptable. When I began to challenge this message and not only accept but embrace my emotional self, I also began to accept the idea that being perfect does not mean you will be accepted by everyone. I looked at how I comforted others when they experienced making a mistake and tried offering that same comfort and compassion to myself. With practice, I began to internalize that we innately all try to do our best with the gifts and limitations we have and when I viewed the human experience from this more balanced – logical and emotional – perspective, I felt a deep sense of peace within.
So the journey took time for me to stare my fears in the face, accept my humanity completely, and practice self-compassion when I find myself feeling the pain of suffering. Now when my fears come up, I no longer try to ignore it and instead invite it in so I can engage in a dialogue with it. At first, I might feel overwhelmed and I now recognize in these moments that the emotion is coming to me so strong because I may have been ignoring before it when it tried to get my attention more subtly in the past. When this happens, I might have to sit a little longer and take a couple of extra deep breaths before the conversation can begin in earnest. As I engage with my powerful emotions, a common theme emerges, that reminds me that I am not alone and that most people would have a similar response, even if they are not ready to admit it. When I am able to accept I am human and express my gratitude for my emotions as the intelligent guides they are, self-compassion floods in to soothe my momentary suffering and helps to release the grip of judgment and perfectionism.
More and more research is being done to explore the effects of deepening our ability to have self-compassion as it is showing a strong association with mental well-being. It is being shown to reduce self-criticism, judgment, self-blame and isolation, therefore, increasing acceptance and connection. Should you be interested in reading more about the results of recent research on the benefits of supporting the development of self-compassion, click on the link below:
5 Intention-setting Ideas for Raising Happy and Healthy Kids
/in Newsletter/by Linda“It takes a village to raise a child.” ― African Proverb
Many of us may not have children or our children may already be grown, yet it doesn’t mean that we can forget about our parenting skills, because we never know when our “parent part” may be called upon to assist in raising happy and healthy kids. And, if you are a furbaby parent, as I am, the following intention-setting ideas are appropriate for our four-legged kids too.
So, in honor of Purposeful Parenting Month, I thought it was critical in order to raise the vibration for all children – the “little one” inside all of us, the ones we may have the honor of raising directly now or in the future, and the ones that we may find ourselves interacting with in a less direct relationship – that we reflect on some ways that we can foster the development of trusting, loving, and healthy kids. Below are some ideas for consideration:
Perfectionism – is self-compassion the antidote?
/in Talk Therapy/by LindaGrowing up in a dysfunctional, toxic family environment left deep, ingrained patterns of thinking and acting to avoid the uncomfortable, powerful emotions that boiled just beneath the surface, until my ability to stuff them down and sit on them didn’t work. It was at those times that the emotions would come out – and come out strong – to the point of overwhelming me and any one near me! What I came to learn is that I worked very hard – physically, mentally, and emotionally – to be perfect, to do everything right so I would avoid disappointment and feel that elusive sense of acceptance from others. Now I understand that a common human condition is imperfection and from that deep understanding, I am able to tap into a reservoir of self-compassion to remind myself that we reach perfection when our spirit leaves the human body.
So, as long as I am alive, I have come to accept the fact that I will make mistakes, even some that may hurt others although it is not my intention to do so. Coming from this place of acceptance that I am not perfect, I am able to not only express forgiveness and kindness to myself, I am more easily able to reach out to others with that same sense of compassion for their humanness.
Don’t get me wrong, getting to this point was not a short trip or an easy one, but it has been well worth the journey. I was my own worst critic, as many of us are, and would judge myself harshly for a long time. No matter how much I accomplished, it never felt like it was enough or good enough. The first step in being kinder to myself was to reflect on why I was so judgmental in the first place. Well, as you can probably guess, I learned it from my family. And it wasn’t only from my family, it was a bigger, broader experience of society’s judgment and subtle messages that to be accepted, we must be perfect. Once I was aware of my inner critic and why and where she grew from, I could then own my suffering that this inner critic created.
In recognizing the suffering, I began to get curious about the emotions that came up, such as fear of being criticized, losing the acceptance of others, guilt, and the sense of being less than and unworthy of the acceptance I so needed. As I sat with these uncomfortable feelings and explored what messages came from these powerful emotions, I started to ask how they might be trying to serve me in some way. I learned that feeling guilty was a guide that led me back to my authentic self whenever I might find myself straying away in my thoughts and actions. Sitting with criticism informed me that it is important to be open to the feedback of others because sometimes we are blind (and deaf) to our behaviors and words, specifically how those behaviors and words might impact another. I also discovered that when I would be criticized by others, I was simply acting as a mirror to reflect back the other person’s felt sense of inadequacy, so it really wasn’t about me.
When sitting with the fear of losing the acceptance of others, I realized it was because I really feared accepting myself. Somewhere down the line I was told I was different, because I was so emotional, which was projected on to me as I was “irrational” and thus not acceptable. When I began to challenge this message and not only accept but embrace my emotional self, I also began to accept the idea that being perfect does not mean you will be accepted by everyone. I looked at how I comforted others when they experienced making a mistake and tried offering that same comfort and compassion to myself. With practice, I began to internalize that we innately all try to do our best with the gifts and limitations we have and when I viewed the human experience from this more balanced – logical and emotional – perspective, I felt a deep sense of peace within.
So the journey took time for me to stare my fears in the face, accept my humanity completely, and practice self-compassion when I find myself feeling the pain of suffering. Now when my fears come up, I no longer try to ignore it and instead invite it in so I can engage in a dialogue with it. At first, I might feel overwhelmed and I now recognize in these moments that the emotion is coming to me so strong because I may have been ignoring before it when it tried to get my attention more subtly in the past. When this happens, I might have to sit a little longer and take a couple of extra deep breaths before the conversation can begin in earnest. As I engage with my powerful emotions, a common theme emerges, that reminds me that I am not alone and that most people would have a similar response, even if they are not ready to admit it. When I am able to accept I am human and express my gratitude for my emotions as the intelligent guides they are, self-compassion floods in to soothe my momentary suffering and helps to release the grip of judgment and perfectionism.
More and more research is being done to explore the effects of deepening our ability to have self-compassion as it is showing a strong association with mental well-being. It is being shown to reduce self-criticism, judgment, self-blame and isolation, therefore, increasing acceptance and connection. Should you be interested in reading more about the results of recent research on the benefits of supporting the development of self-compassion, click on the link below:
5 Intention-setting Ideas for Supporting the Parasympathetic Nervous System
/in Newsletter/by Linda“PTSD isn’t about what’s wrong with you, it’s about what happened to you.” ― Author Unknown
The human body’s Autonomic Nervous System has two branches: the Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) and the Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS) which are designed to compliment each other. Our SNS is the part of our nervous system that gets activated in times of stress, whether that stress is considered positive or negative. When the SNS is activated, our heart rate and respiration increase and our blood pressure goes up. Our PNS is the part of the nervous system that gets activated in times of rest and relaxation, typically after the cause of the stress is removed from our awareness. When the PNS is activated, our heart rate and respiration decrease and our blood pressure drops.
Spreading the word, expanding awareness, lifting consciousness – healing trauma with yoga!
/in Yoga/by LindaGrowing up in a family that was “broken” by divorce for multiple generations, I experienced a great deal of stress as a young child navigating the after-effects of such an interpersonal event without any logical awareness that such an event would someday be viewed as trauma. Many people may view post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as a condition that predominately affects our military service members. And while it is true that research focusing on veterans returning from war contributed significantly to the creation of a formal diagnosis of PTSD, the experience of combat is not the only source of trauma leading to this diagnosis.
To support efforts to bring more awareness to the experience of trauma during PTSD Awareness Month, I want to first highlight what type of events and/or experiences may underlie the diagnosis of (complex) PTSD and second, recent research that suggests yoga is a promising complementary treatment that not only helps to reduce the symptoms of PTSD but also supports personal growth, including increasing feelings of compassion, gratitude, acceptance, and empowerment.
According to the National Center for PTSD, types of traumatic events that can lead to PTSD include:
And as I talked about last month, the Adverse Childhood Experience Study (ACES) measured additional types of childhood trauma, leading to a diagnosis of complex PTSD, including the following:
As the understanding of how the human body-mind interprets situations that don’t appear immediately life-threatening from the casual observer but none-the-less traumatizing to the person grows, it is vital that alternative treatments beyond medication and therapy be considered when considering the percentage of the overall population impacted by such experiences. When considering complex PTSD which stems from a child’s inability to utilize the body’s natural “flight or fight” distress response to escape from a destructive family dynamic, such as the psychological ware zone of a contentious divorce, the body is forced into a freeze response for survival.
In this freeze state, the body is still full of adrenaline and cortisol, yet the child shuts down, dissociating from the body’s natural response sensing its inability to help. At this point of development, the logical brain’s cognitive abilities to understand and act are still forming, so the body and mind are at odds, where the body continually senses danger yet the mind feels helpless to relieve the threat. Symptoms that reflect a diagnosis of complex PTSD include:
As a “thriver” post PTSD and a trauma-informed yoga practitioner, teacher, and psychotherapist, I understand the need to engage both the body and mind along the healing journey toward re-integration and balance after trauma. So it is not only important to familiarize ourselves with the nature and impact of trauma but it is vital to know what treatments are available and found to be effective so we can guide our loved ones with compassion towards healing and provide hope.
My own journey of healing first led me to the traditional psychotherapy experience, which did help to move me from victim to survivor through awareness and understanding. However, I still found myself chronically anxious and easily triggered into an unbalanced state of mind. Then I found myself in a yoga class. I was immediately hooked by the change I experienced in my body that day, although not completely aware of what the change was exactly. After integrating a regular physical yoga pose and breath practice on the mat into my life, I increasingly became aware of a palpable sense of relaxation in my body and a sense of peace in my heart. My breath pattern became a reflection of my state of mind and a guide toward maintaining balance in my body-mind connection. I learned that I could control my breath and when I focused on my breath I was able to change my reaction to a trigger to a response to a stimulus. I found that the breath creates space to keep the body-mind aligned when navigating the world. As I continued my practice and explored additional mindfulness techniques over time, my capacity for gratitude and compassion grew, I felt more connected to myself and others, I was more accepting and less judgmental, and my ability to remain centered even in chaos has steadily increased.
With my own personal healing journey as evidence that body-mind strategies are necessary to turn off the sympathetic nervous system and release chronic tension in the body, and reflect to discover the beauty in our challenges, I am excited to share some recent research that supports my experience with yoga as an important treatment option for complex PTSD. In this study, 31 adult women with PTSD related to chronic childhood trauma participated in a 10-week Trauma Sensitive Yoga (TSY) class. For the results, click on the link below:
5 Intention-setting Ideas to Build Resilience
/in Newsletter/by Linda“Every experience, no matter how bad it seems, holds within it a blessing of some kind. The goal is to find it.” ― Buddha
Research on resilience has shown that increasing our levels of resiliency correlates with improved overall health. Resilience can be defined as the ability to adapt well to change or bounce back after adversity. Life can be hard at times, but I won’t buy into the mantra that life is hard. If we can learn to go with the flow of life more quickly and stop banging our heads on the same wall thinking we will get a different result, we might just realize that life is full of beauty in any given moment or circumstance.
Transgenerational trauma transmission – What does our childhood experiences tell us about our future health, both body and mind?
/in Talk Therapy/by LindaThe month of May was proclaimed National Mental Health Awareness Month back in 2013 and, as I indicated in my last Talk Therapy reflection in March, I want to share more about the research around adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), the resulting developmental trauma, and the long-term impact on body-mind health. The intention behind this reflection is to bring more awareness to the underlying causes of dis-ease and, through such awareness, expand our collective capacity for compassion for those suffering from the effects of early childhood trauma. It is only through more education and awareness that our society will move in the direction of prevention by aligning resources with ways to stop the causes and turn away from just focusing on the treatment of the symptoms.
I also want to mention right up front that it is not my intention to place blame as that would be an attempt to simplify a very complex human condition. As one of my dear colleagues once said, “We don’t know what we don’t know. However, when we know better, we do better.” Therefore, as you read this reflection and maybe read more about the research on this topic, I hope you will come to see, as I did, that our traumatic experiences are not isolated and, in fact, most likely emanate from past generations living through similar experiences without the resources that are available today.
The first ACE study that began in 1995 was conducted in collaboration between the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and Kaiser Permanente, a health maintenance organization in southern California. The participants, over 17,000 patients with health insurance were asked to complete a confidential questionnaire that asked about childhood maltreatment and family dysfunction to identify any relationships between specific ACE and known risk factors, such as smoking and alcohol/drug abuse, for chronic disease. Since this first study, many studies have been done to validate the original results, using larger and more diverse population samples to assess if the exposure to ACE increases the risk of adult disease and disability. If you are interested in reading more, the CDC website (https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/acestudy/journal.html) contains a listing of journal articles by topic area.
The original study included seven categories of ACE, including abuse (physical, psychological, sexual), domestic violence (violence against mother), and household dysfunction due to any members who were substance abusers, mentally ill or suicidal, or ever imprisoned. Future studies expanded the ACE categories to include family dysfunction due to divorce and to track alcohol and other drug abuse separately.
What all of these studies have come to show is that ACEs are more common than any of us would want to know. These studies have also shown that a majority of ACEs are not experienced in isolation, meaning that if children experienced one ACE they probably experienced more than one ACE, guiding future research to investigate the cumulative impact of multiple childhood traumas on the development of disease. In addition, the higher the cumulative ACE score, the greater association with many mental, physical, emotional, and social problems, including substance use and abuse.
Expanding our awareness of what constitutes an ACE and the fact that ACEs impact the neurodevelopment of children, disrupting the healthy development of the human nervous system, begins to open our minds and hearts. Deepening our understanding further that a damaged nervous system may guide children toward unhealthy coping strategies to survive the complex traumas they have lived through, opens the door to compassion, instead of judgment and punishment, by helping us all to realize that these unhealthy behaviors were not a choice these children made, but were normal, natural adaptive responses to inhumane conditions that they found themselves in by no choice of their own.
If you are interested in learning more about how ACEs are being assessed or to determine your own ACE score, click on the ACE SCORE CALCULATOR button below.
If you would like to read a summary of the ACEs study data presented by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), including prevention efforts based upon this growing awareness and understanding of developmental trauma, click on the SAMHSA button below.
5 Intention-setting Ideas to Celebrate Earth Day
/in Newsletter/by LindaAnd this, our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything. — William Shakespeare
The scientific research on climate change indicates that humans need to step up and start making changes to support Mother Earth. We might think to ourselves “But what can I do, I’m only one person?” Remember even small steps, taken by many, add up and the choices we make can have a significant impact on slowing climate change when viewed from a broader, more global lens. And when we take time to honor Mother Earth’s abundance, we too reap the rewards knowing we are connected to such abundance and beauty!
Earth Day has been honored each year on April 22nd since 1970 in the US. In 1990, Earth Day went global. According to Earth Day Network (www.earthday.org), “More than 1 billion people now participate in Earth Day activities each year, making it the largest civic observance in the world.” So know that you are not alone even if you decide to honor this special day in your own way, on your own!
Below are just a few ideas that you might consider trying:
The Sights and Sounds of Silence
/in Yoga/by LindaRecently, I was blessed to find myself on a hike on a morning where the sky was the most amazing color blue and the spring flowers were in full bloom. I was not hiking by myself so I suggested to my hiking partner that we travel back down the trail in silence, practicing a silent, walking meditation, as research studies are showing how beneficial meditation can be to our brains and our bodies. When we reached the end of the trail, we sat together and shared our experiences. We both admitted we had experienced some challenges, yet overall felt a surge of inspiration!
We both found it hard not to respond verbally to other fellow hikers or mountain bikers that offered a friendly exchange of “good morning” or “hi” as we passed along the way. I chose to smile and wave my hand in response to honor my practice of silence while also embracing my intention for my meditation to stay deeply aware of and present to my surroundings. I’m not sure what they thought about my response and I had to trust that they felt the connection through gesture and not words.
Another challenge I experienced was how I began to notice that some of my fellow beings on the trail that morning were quick to anger or were not connected to the experience of others along the way. One fellow traveler expressed his frustration when a hiker did not get out of his way as he was biking up an incline. What the biker did not realize is the young person did not speak English and thus may not have understood his words while sensing his anger. Another group of hikers included a child that got very excited about seeing the butterflies, repeating himself several times to gain the attention of the adults, yet no one responded to him, missing the opportunity to join in the excitement and joy of such a simply pleasure as only seen through the eyes of a child.
And even though I experienced these challenges, I still felt inspired as I recognized my silence was facilitating a deepening of a present moment awareness that can be elusive if we are engaged in a conversation. On the way up the trail with my hiking partner, together we enjoyed hearing and seeing a bird kicking up the dry leaves on the ground presumably looking for food to feed the babies keeping warm beneath the leaves and seeing a solo rabbit hop along the trail with us, seemingly unafraid of our presence as we chatted. However, it wasn’t until the hike down in silence that I began to not only see but hear my own footsteps on the path, to see and feel the sun shining through the leaves of the trees overhead, and to feel the cool breeze on the back of my neck as it played with my hair, sending a shiver down my spine. I too noticed the many colored butterflies gently floating from one beautiful flower blossom to the next. I heard Woodpeckers drumming in the trees above seemingly marking their territory and working to attract a mate.
I even found a sense of peace and calm when hearing the sounds of the other hikers and bikers as they communicated with their friends and family or listened to music from their electronic devices, although others may have found those sounds disturbing in their search for silence out in nature. These sounds actually brought a smile to my face as it reminded me that we all have more in common than we do have differences, and when we take the time to use the two ears we have to listen twice as much as we use the one mouth we have, we might just remember that we are all connected and never alone.
Meditation as a practice to increase body-mind health can be done in a variety of settings and in a variety of manners. I personally have found that simply spending time in nature, allowing my mind’s awareness to rest on what is physically right in front of me, helps me to sort through the overlapping thoughts and conversations in my head when trying to solve a problem, even inspiring me to approach the solution in a more creative way that might have a broader reach. I have also experienced a deeper connection to my “inner knowing” of what I need when societal messages tell me something different. Honoring that connection supports my efforts to remain true to my authentic self, valuing my uniqueness and resisting the urge to conform, while increasing my felt sense of compassion for myself when I make a mistake or fail or judge or criticize as I remember I am a life-long member of this most amazing and wonderful experience of a human BEING!
If my most recent experience with a silent hiking meditation has peaked your curiosity about the benefits of meditation, don’t take my word for it, check out a recent study (by clicking the button below) that demonstrated that meditation activates specific areas of the brain, inducing functional and structural brain changes, supporting the idea that prescribing different meditation techniques could help treat and prevent disease:
5 Intention-setting Ideas to Embrace the Shakti Energy Within
/in Newsletter/by Linda“Forget conventionalisms; forget what the world thinks of you stepping out of your place; think your best thoughts, speak your best words, work your best works, looking to your own conscience for approval.” – Susan B. Anthony
Since 1995, March has been designated as Women’s History Month in the United States and International Women’s Day has been celebrated around the world on March 8th since 1914. I can’t think of a better time to embrace and celebrate the Shakti within regardless of your gender identify!
The word Shakti in Sanskrit might be translated in several ways yet it is most frequently applied to the divine feminine. The word “Shakti” comes from the root “shak” meaning “to be able to” or “the potential to produce”. Sometimes Shakti is spelled “Shakthi” which means “power” or “empowerment”, so the term has been utilized to represent the power, force, and feminine energy within all. In Hinduism, Shakti represents the underlying creative force of all divinity, providing the energy to everything without which the world would not exist.
When we try to deny or ignore some aspect or part of ourselves, we begin to feel disconnected from our authentic self and our other tribe members. So, if you are looking to feel more comfortable in your own skin and embrace life more fully, it is important to acknowledge all parts, accept them, and welcome them to the table to celebrate your wholeness and well-being. When some aspect of ourselves feels stifled, ignored, oppressed, or dismissed, it tends to get loud and protest. Sound familiar? Just what the women in the world continue to protest against to this day. So, if you want them to quiet down, you MUST create equal time for their expression, treat them with honor and respect, and demonstrate their value!
So, how can we all honor and embrace that Shakti part of ourselves? Below are 5 suggestions for your consideration. And, if you should be so bold to support change in the world, I would love to hear about your experience!
What will it really take to reduce drug abuse in the world?
/in Talk Therapy/by LindaNo, not more law enforcement efforts to reduce the production and transportation of illegal drugs. This question has a basic economic component – as long as the demand is greater than the supply, the war on drugs will be lost. So, how do we reduce the demand for drugs? We must learn why people turn to drugs in the first place and we must stop buying into the belief that drug addiction is a disease and one that affects only the weak!
I have always felt that more compassion and understanding were needed for people who found themselves addicted to drugs or alcohol, not punishment, and yet, I wasn’t aware of the research that might support my feelings. Then I read Dr. Gabor Maté’s book In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters With Addiction, and I felt so validated in my view of this deeply concerning human experience. This book opened my eyes and my heart to the underlying reasons that someone might turn to substances to soothe a painful internal landscape. What Dr. Maté highlights is that addiction is a normal, natural response to emotional loss which is traumatizing to the human spirit. In other words, addiction soothes the pain of trauma. So, drugs work – even if only to temporarily separate, or dissociate from the internal emotional pain of our traumatizing experiences. And sometimes drugs may be the only reliable source of comfort that is available. Sad, but true and I know many people find this fact hard to believe, especially when they have not walked in the shoes of the people they judge. Then, when it happens in our own families, it becomes even harder to accept because we must take some accountability and responsibility for the depth of the pain that our loved ones feel.
Now, not all individuals that experience early childhood trauma will turn to drugs, so further research is needed to better understand the relationship between adverse childhood events and dissociation through addiction to manage overwhelming, painful emotions. What some more recent research has shown is that there is another factor to consider in the equation, alexithymia. A normal part of our development as children is learning how to understand and express emotions in order to regulate our emotional environment and we learn this by observing and exchanging emotions with our caregivers. However, when children experience developmental trauma this lesson is impossible to learn, impairing our ability to deal with our emotional experiences and alexithymia develops, which is simply the difficulty to identify, describe, and feel our emotional states.
Early research suggested that men may experience alexithymia more than women, possibly due to the underlying beliefs found in a patriarchal societal culture that values logic and reason over intuition and emotion. However, with the emerging research that is looking at the association between trauma, alexithymia and dissociation in the role of addiction, it appears that trauma disrupts the ability to process emotions in both genders equally. Patriarchy only adds another layer of complexity, as this culture informs men – and thus women trying to succeed in a man’s world – that emotions are not valued and reflect some weakness in character.
These research findings bring much awareness to how the human spirit needs emotional connection with others who can nurture both our rational and intuitive intelligence, both our ability to feel and to understand our emotions, and ultimately express our emotions so that our actions can be guided, and not driven by them. I found this research quite calming to my own spirit, not only because it validated my personal experience but because it validates a new approach to healing addiction, one that comes from a place of compassion and great appreciation for the resiliency of the human spirit instead of through further traumatization supported by the current, failing war on drugs. This new approach is growing from a broader and deeper understanding of what is considered developmental trauma, which I will write more about in my next Talk Therapy reflection, and the need to help people put words to their powerful, sometimes overwhelming, emotional experiences of the past in order to face the pain and fear head on, because if you can’t feel it, you can’t heal it.
We all can make a difference in reducing the demand for drugs and decrease the incidence of addiction. My recommendation in doing so is to look into the research that supports that addiction is a symptom, not a disease. From this deeper understanding, embrace the idea that we are all born with emotions and emotions are a significant part of our intelligence. Once there, commit to being a better role model to the people in your life by openly expressing your emotions and not just the “positive” ones – all of them, including disappointment, rage, guilt, shame – as all emotions are vital parts of our wholeness and well-being.
If you want to take the first step on the path of deeper understanding of addiction, click on the link below to read a recent study that explores the relationship between developmental trauma, dissociation, and alexithymia: