As I have written about in the past, I am not a big fan of making resolutions for the New Year. I find that such resolutions often bring with them failure, self-judgment and self-criticism, and ultimately shame when I might step away from such rigid demands on myself. Sounds more like a recipe for depression than self-improvement if you ask me! Which made me wonder if that is why many of us don’t bother with setting resolutions and, if we are brave enough to attempt them, why so many of us don’t succeed in such undertakings. Could it be more about being hard on ourselves versus the unrealistic goals that we tend to set for ourselves at this time of year? Or is it the shame that holds us back? Or might it be a combination of both?
So, when I sat in reflection of my self-improvement efforts in 2017 in order to create a vision for myself in 2018 that is more intentional, motivating, and empowering, I found myself drawn so strongly to the #MeToo Movement that is now evolving into the “Time’s Up” campaign! What felt so powerfully moving to me was the act of shining a light on the shame, that is transferred to someone who experiences one of the most natural, normal, adaptive, human responses to a body-mind breaking situation, so that shame can be given back to the rightful owner, the transgressor. When we find ourselves in a situation that appears threatening, whether to our physical bodies or to our physical circumstances like our livelihoods, our bodies/brains know what to do to survive without much thought. The first automatic survival response is to flee and when the mind realizes that might not be possible, it considers fighting for its life. When the mind suspects it might not survive the fight, it freezes, even sometimes fainting, as a defense mechanism to try and trick the predator into thinking they are dead and leave (them alone). And, of course, when we freeze – or faint – our voices go silent.
It is only when the “after” (survival) thoughts arrive that we begin the real battle, because we unknowingly took on the trangressor’s shame as our own. The thoughts get really loud while our voices remain silent, for fear that we won’t be heard and supported and, instead blamed and rejected. Anxiety and depression present themselves and become the unwelcome visitors in our daily lives and homes. When we can experience the acceptance and support of others, we can then begin the journey of healing, bringing more acceptance and compassion towards ourselves. When we can see the shame as not ours and give it back to the one who transferred it to us, we can begin to accept that we are human and we did what we had to do to survive at that time. And now we can move forward and thrive, by embracing – maybe even expressing gratitude towards – our vulnerability as one of the strongest parts of ourselves, the part that helped us survive to live another day and become a part of a movement and campaign that has the energy to transform the world.
So, my intention is 2018 is be a compassionate support for those brave souls that are able to honor their vulnerable parts by speaking up, identifying and talking about shameful words and behaviors. I intend to stay connected to the well of compassion for myself as the perfectly flawed human that I am, leading by example, showing others that self-compassion is the first, last, and every step in between on the path of healing. Connecting to our ability to experience self-compassion while, at the same time, holding shame in the light is the true recipe for individual self-improvement and inner peace as well as contributing to the elevation of the collective consciousness of the world.
If you are interested in reading the recent research showing that self-compassion is more effective than the more established strategies of acceptance and reappraisal in decreasing depression, click on the link below:
5 Intention-setting Ideas for Navigating Times of Transition and Transformation
/in Newsletter/by Linda“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” ― Socrates
Change can happen all of a sudden or it can creep up on us without truly recognizing it as such! Either way, change often brings fear into our hearts. Humans are creatures of habit and comfort so we naturally tend to resist anything that might impact the familiar flows we have created in our lives, sometimes even when those habits are uncomfortable.
And I think most of us will agree that sometimes our habits can begin to feel stale, dare I say boring! It is when we consciously become aware of those habits that have us feeling a little stuck in life, that we begin to open ourselves up to change, even welcoming it.
So how might we work with something that might both strike fear in our hearts and invoke feelings of excitement at the same time? A good starting place might be to acknowledge that fear and excitement feel very similar physiologically in our bodies. Consider a moment where you felt fear and excitement, maybe while waiting in line for a roller coaster ride or a scary movie, or your first day of school – whether it was kindergarten or college, or the day you and your significant other learned that you were expecting your first child. Can you sense your heart rate increasing, your breath getting more shallow, the butterflies moving around in the belly, and the pent-up energy needing expression as you consider those moments?
So, to help tilt the scales away from fear and more towards excitement during such times of change and growth, below I offer intention-setting ideas that might help you navigate such transitions in your life with more ease and excitement:
Does the ability to be self-aware of our inner emotional world contribute to our mental health?
/in Talk Therapy/by LindaIn March of last year, I explored alexithymia when reflecting on how this difficulty in identifying, describing, and feeling our emotional world may be a factor in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), specifically how early childhood trauma impacts the developmental ability to integrate thinking and feeling. I find myself revisiting this topic again due to recent research that suggests alexithymia has a role in anxiety and depression in general, placing an even greater emphasis on the importance of the intelligence of our emotional experiences and the need to promote both self-awareness, and cultural acceptance of emotional expression as a way to improve mental health.
From my own personal experience growing up, I spent a great deal of energy navigating between the emotional overload of one parent (AKA chaos) and the emotional desert (AKA rigidity) of the other. Initially, rigidity was winning the battle as I did everything that I knew how to in order to suppress my emotions, including disassociating from them altogether and relying heavily on logical intelligence to figure life out. What rigidity taught me was how to be on my own, embracing the cultural value of independence and discounting the need for human connection (or is it the human need for connection?). What I came to understand many years later is that you cannot ignore your emotional world for long without severe consequences.
In holding on to my basic right to autonomy so tightly, I kept the door closed to connecting with others, viewing their emotional needs as monsters that would eat away at my independence. I used to say “I don’t need anyone. I may want you in my life, but I certainly don’t need you!” At that point, all I understood was that if I was not independent, I would be judged as co-dependent and needy, which was not acceptable and dangled rejection over my head. I didn’t know that neither end of the spectrum (from dependent to independent) was ideal for my overall health and well-being. When I started to learn that humans are part of a complex system that requires interdependence to thrive, I was able to start the journey towards wholeness, unlocking the doors that had been holding my intense, seemingly uncontrollable emotions out to be heard. The anxiety that I felt for most of my life was because I had rejected those parts of myself that I thought would make me unacceptable in the world. As I learned to listen to my emotions and the wisdom they had to offer, I was able to accept all parts of my human self and to open my heart to deeper connections with others.
The lessons of both my familial and societal cultures had impaired my emotional self-awareness and my sense of the emotional experiences of others and thus my ability to emotionally connect with others, creating a great deal of anxiety. With the support of a kind and patient therapist, I was able to allow myself to feel again, learn to reconnect with my emotions by giving them names, listen for understanding as to why those emotions arose, and, perhaps most importantly, that by allowing them to flow through me instead of denying them, learn to value them as much as my logical intelligence bringing more balance and compassion to my experience of the world.
So, how excited was I when I read this research that reflects how experiencing difficulties with identifying, describing and feeling emotions (alexithymia) explains the association between finding the healthy balance of interdependence (autonomy-connectedness) with anxiety and depression as it validated my personal journey. Prior to this research, evidence showed that the concept of autonomy-connectedness was related to anxiety and depression, yet little was known about the underlying causes. The results of this research offer guidance to mental health practitioners when supporting people experiencing anxiety and depression, specifically assessing, supporting, and increasing emotional awareness.
If you would like to read more on this research, click on the link below:
5 Intention-setting Ideas to Reduce Stress
/in Newsletter/by Linda“We can never attain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.”― Dalai Lama
The month of April, among other things, has been designated Stress Awareness Month. The first step to making any change in our life is awareness. Without awareness, we tend to continue on our journeys doing the same old things, repeating old patterns, all while hoping the results will be different.
With awareness comes understanding, which leads to compassion and choice. One of the best habits we can develop for our body/mind/spirit health is learning our personal triggers and noticing when and where we feel stress. To this end, below are some ideas to consider to support this healthy habit:
Increasing stress and anxiety in children – can yoga help?
/in Yoga/by LindaAlthough my adolescent days are several decades behind me, I still clearly remember the stress I experienced during those years, not only from the academic pressures but from the social pressure to “fit in”, while trying to manage potentially conflicting expectations from family and friends. Unfortunately, I was not taught ways to manage that stress, although I had to take PE classes and voluntarily participated in sports regularly after school. So, when I moved through my early adult years and began to work full-time, I attempted to continue to participate in those sports to help relieve the chronic stress I felt, only to discover that it wasn’t working. The only relief I discovered at that time was planning and taking vacations, where I found I didn’t want “to do” anything but relax. And there was simply not enough vacation time to effectively create the required balance in my life to reduce the growing anxiety I was experiencing.
It wasn’t until I found yoga – in mid-life – that I experienced an immediate sense of release of tension, stress, and anxiety. I still tell people that ask me about yoga “I wish I found yoga at 4, instead of 40!”, although I am eternally grateful for finding it at all, as it truly has been a life saver. So when I read the recent research on how yoga can help children cope with stress and manage their anxiety symptoms, my heart’s sense of gratitude grew even more.
Eight published studies were reviewed together and found that school children who regularly practice yoga show an improved ability to cope with stress and anxiety. And with the majority of children reporting growing academic pressures to achieve, along with more challenging family life with both parents needing to work outside of the home, it’s about time we offer our children a life-time tool to create more balance in their bodies and minds. What makes yoga different than the typical physical education classes currently offered in schools is that it is a meditative movement practice and it does not have a competitive focus. There are no winners or losers. There is no forming of teams, leaving some children feeling inadequate in some way when they are picked last (or not at all) to join a team. It is most often practiced in a group setting, yet the practice encourages and welcomes individualized, unique experiences. It is a practice that can be done by everyone, regardless of size, shape, strength or flexibility level, and/or any other physical limitation, such as chronic health conditions, including asthma or diabetes.
The review article looked at the interventions, which incorporated postures, breath, concentration, and meditation that are different paths or parts of a full yogic practice, and came to the conclusion that these combined features of yoga, when practiced regularly by children, provide an accessible tool to reduce stress and anxiety. The author also recommended that yoga should be integrated into schools. It is my personal belief that by offering yoga to children – even before they enter school – sets them up not only for success in life but happiness too. And don’t our children deserve that balance!
5 Intention-setting Ideas to Support Our Sense of Smell
/in Newsletter/by Linda“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”― William Shakespeare
I found myself noticing the scent of the orange blossoms in the air this week. It is one of my most favorite scents and I make sure to stop and smell the small, delicate white flowers on my neighbors’ trees as often as I can. It is a reminder of why our county was named “Orange” and how grateful I am to be living in Southern California.
However, as we march (pun intended) in the direction of Spring, many of us still remember the direct experience of coming down with the flu or that nasty head cold or at least, being around someone that was sick and doing what we could to stay healthy. Then, with Spring, comes the experience of seasonal allergies, when many of us are challenged to take in full, deep breaths without sneezing and are unable to enjoy the Neroli oil in the air. It is not a pleasant time when our nose is inflammed and we are cut off from our natural breath, restricting our connection to our life force energy, and from experiencing all of the wonderful aromas that are blossoming at this time of year.
The connection between our nose as our scent sense organ and the brain is different than our other sense organs. Our senses of sight, hearing, touch, and taste all pass information through the thalmus to the cerebral cortex, allowing thoughts to be a part of our response to the external stimuli. On the other hand, scent data is sent to the olfactory bulbs in our brain, which then relays information to the limbic system, including the amygdala, which is our emotional memory center. And, as we age, our sense of smell, along with our sense of taste, begins to fade as does our memories. And when our sense of smell fades, like when we experience a head cold, life is not as pleasant.
In fact, studies have shown that losing your sense of smell can actually be dangerous, such as when you are unable to detect a gas leak or lose interest in eating. Therefore, below I offer some intention-setting ideas to help maintain the healthy function of your nose and support a full five-sense experience of life:
What is my purpose and why does seeking it matter?
/in Talk Therapy/by LindaAs a young woman working in the predominately male corporate culture, I struggled to find purpose, or meaning, in the work that I did to reduce the frustration, among many other mixed emotions, that I felt on a daily basis. In fact, I still have a framed print hanging on a wall in my home from a previous employer reflecting a vision that resonated with me on a deep soul level: Discovery & Hope. It was also at this same employer that I experienced what has come to be referred to as ‘sexual misconduct’ today.
When I reflect back on that time of my life, one of the things that stands out for me is how I still managed to get up every morning and feel motivated to go to work. I really enjoyed what I was doing and was able to remind myself that what I was doing was closely tied to improving the health and well-being of others, which was a personal value of mine. So, although my work conditions were not mentally and emotionally healthy, creating meaning out of the actual work I was doing seemed to propel me forward in life.
Now, flash forward many years later, including a mid-life career change to better align my personal values and gifts with how I engage in the workforce, what weighs on my mind is the rise in the incidence of dementia, including Alzheimer’s disease. I know, through my studies on the normal, natural developmental stages of life that memory loss is to be expected and is a normal part of the aging process. However, what may not be so well understood is the underlying causes of dementia. What is coming to light is that chronic stress is associated with damage to a critical part of the brain, specifically the hippocampus, and memory loss and may predict progression from mild cognitive impairment to dementia.
So, when I became aware of recent research suggesting that cultivating a sense of purpose, or meaning in our lives demonstrated a 30% reduction in the risk of developing dementia, it caught my attention! I don’t believe there is any corresponding research showing such a significant reduction in risk by using any currently available prescription medications when it comes to this age-related disease. Even more encouraging is that this research suggests that the results are independent of psychological distress, in other words, even if you find yourself in a mentally and emotionally stressful environment, if you are leading a meaningful and goal-driven life, this sense of purpose may be protecting your brain against the risk of developing dementia.
With this new discovery comes hope. If you feel lost or sense your purpose in life is not so clear, therapy can be a resource. I know it personally helped me to get in touch with my needs and values, identify false or limiting beliefs I had collected along the way, and gain clarity on aligning my personal priorities and professional goals. Sometimes we just need to create a sacred place for the exploration to reconnect with our own inner wisdom and ask a fellow journey(wo)men to assist in fine tuning our sense of purpose and meaning to serve as a guide on the journey toward lasting body, mind, and spirit well-being.
If you would like to read more about this emerging research, click on the link below:
5 Intention-setting Ideas to Make Yoga a Daily Home Practice
/in Newsletter/by Linda“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.”― Ancient Chinese Proverb
As Chinese Astrology follows the lunar calendar, we recently celebrated the Chinese New Year and entered into the year of the Yang (Brown) Earth Dog at the time of the second new moon of the calendar year. As an expression of unconditional love with an innate sense of intuition and resiliency, a dog’s energy is a reflection of the best parts of ourselves. The element of earth reminds us that we must remain connected to the earth through our roots as it is the earth that provides the nutrients for our growth. The masculine yang – or doing – energy of the year will support us in laying our new foundations to elevate our sense of security and balance this year and into the future.
So as you explore reconnecting with the unconditional love and acceptance that resides in your own heart on your journey this year of building a new, more secure foundation for the future, I thought you might need a little assistance in maintaining the balance between “doing” and “being” that will be required to sustain your forward moving energy this year. Therefore, below I have offered some intention-setting ideas to consider to support a daily yoga practice no matter where you are in the moment:
How much yoga would I recommend?
/in Yoga/by LindaAs a yoga teacher, I get a lot of questions about how much yoga I recommend. The question might be posed as “How many times a week should I take a class?” or “If I practice 3 times a week, how long will it take for me to see results?” or “The length of classes vary from 50 minutes to 90 minutes, what is the best class length?”. As I tend to answer many questions that may require a more personalized response, I typically say “It depends.” Yoga is not a one-size-fits-all exercise program designed just for the physical body. It is a broader practice that has benefits to the brain/mind, body, and energy we experience and can be crafted to address various unique outcomes depending upon our perceived human limitations. And, if we consider ourselves human, we all have some limitation, whether we are open to acknowledging it or not!
There are yoga practices designed to strengthen the body and others that focus on increasing the flexibility in the body. Certain yoga practices have the goal of mood management. Classes can be designed for people challenged with physical conditions, such as cancer or multiple sclerosis. Some classes may not include any movement or very little movement, focusing more on the breath and mind. Each of us has unique needs and that is why I recommend yoga to everyone, because there is a class and teacher out there that is offering what you need. It just might take a trial and error approach to finding a good match.
Now, as far as the frequency of the practice, again it will depend upon a person’s intention for integrating yoga into their life. My intention in my teaching of yoga is to offer a class where first-timers leave the class feeling as though the practice is attainable and not feeling intimidated by the poses, keeping the door open to further exploration of all that yoga has to offer. So my first recommendation as far as frequency is simply to take a class once to determine if it is a good fit. From there, you might try another class once and another and another, until you become aware of a shift, whether it is in your body, mind, or energy. My experience of teaching has told me this can occur with just one class!
From that point, I offer that your view of yoga will expand as you continue on the journey of exploration through the practice. I might suggest that you consider beginning to integrate some of your favorite practices into your daily routine at home, whether first thing in the morning upon awakening or as the last thing before bed, to improve your sleep. Over time, what will begin to emerge is a growing sense of acceptance and compassion for yourself and others, supporting the connection between all of your parts that make up your authentic and highest self.
So, my response to the original question might just become a question in return: “How quickly do you want to experience a shift in consciousness, that aligns you with your truth?”. There is no prescription for change, as change happens whether we want it or are ready for it or not. We do have a choice though to work with our circle of influence around change and yoga can be our ‘go to’ support as we ride the waves of change. We just need to be ready and open to the change we desire and then yoga will simply become a way of life, instead of specific practices we make time for in our lives.
If you might be skeptical that just one yoga class can make such a difference, click on the link below to read the recent research on the effects of one yoga session for service recipients in a behavioral health intensive outpatient program:
5 Intention-setting Ideas to Increase Your Sense of Lightness of Being
/in Newsletter/by Linda“Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion. – Buddha
I think we both immediately knew it was a blessing being delivered to us in support of our efforts to help empower, elevate, and enlighten others in light of the fact that these butterflies typically don’t fly on cloudy days, none-the-less on rainy days!
Butterflies symbolize the soul in many world cultures. This animal totem is most often associated with transformation and rebirth, while other associations include endurance, hope, renewal, life, and lightness of being. It is this last association that shifted something for me in that moment and encouraged me to share the following intention-setting ideas to help you shake free from whatever it is that might be weighing your wings down, keeping you from taking flight and sensing into your lightness of being:
My New Year’s Intention – The Time’s Up for Shame!
/in Talk Therapy/by LindaAs I have written about in the past, I am not a big fan of making resolutions for the New Year. I find that such resolutions often bring with them failure, self-judgment and self-criticism, and ultimately shame when I might step away from such rigid demands on myself. Sounds more like a recipe for depression than self-improvement if you ask me! Which made me wonder if that is why many of us don’t bother with setting resolutions and, if we are brave enough to attempt them, why so many of us don’t succeed in such undertakings. Could it be more about being hard on ourselves versus the unrealistic goals that we tend to set for ourselves at this time of year? Or is it the shame that holds us back? Or might it be a combination of both?
So, when I sat in reflection of my self-improvement efforts in 2017 in order to create a vision for myself in 2018 that is more intentional, motivating, and empowering, I found myself drawn so strongly to the #MeToo Movement that is now evolving into the “Time’s Up” campaign! What felt so powerfully moving to me was the act of shining a light on the shame, that is transferred to someone who experiences one of the most natural, normal, adaptive, human responses to a body-mind breaking situation, so that shame can be given back to the rightful owner, the transgressor. When we find ourselves in a situation that appears threatening, whether to our physical bodies or to our physical circumstances like our livelihoods, our bodies/brains know what to do to survive without much thought. The first automatic survival response is to flee and when the mind realizes that might not be possible, it considers fighting for its life. When the mind suspects it might not survive the fight, it freezes, even sometimes fainting, as a defense mechanism to try and trick the predator into thinking they are dead and leave (them alone). And, of course, when we freeze – or faint – our voices go silent.
It is only when the “after” (survival) thoughts arrive that we begin the real battle, because we unknowingly took on the trangressor’s shame as our own. The thoughts get really loud while our voices remain silent, for fear that we won’t be heard and supported and, instead blamed and rejected. Anxiety and depression present themselves and become the unwelcome visitors in our daily lives and homes. When we can experience the acceptance and support of others, we can then begin the journey of healing, bringing more acceptance and compassion towards ourselves. When we can see the shame as not ours and give it back to the one who transferred it to us, we can begin to accept that we are human and we did what we had to do to survive at that time. And now we can move forward and thrive, by embracing – maybe even expressing gratitude towards – our vulnerability as one of the strongest parts of ourselves, the part that helped us survive to live another day and become a part of a movement and campaign that has the energy to transform the world.
So, my intention is 2018 is be a compassionate support for those brave souls that are able to honor their vulnerable parts by speaking up, identifying and talking about shameful words and behaviors. I intend to stay connected to the well of compassion for myself as the perfectly flawed human that I am, leading by example, showing others that self-compassion is the first, last, and every step in between on the path of healing. Connecting to our ability to experience self-compassion while, at the same time, holding shame in the light is the true recipe for individual self-improvement and inner peace as well as contributing to the elevation of the collective consciousness of the world.
If you are interested in reading the recent research showing that self-compassion is more effective than the more established strategies of acceptance and reappraisal in decreasing depression, click on the link below: