When I reflect on my childhood, I now realize that my parents struggled to accept themselves and each other, so it doesn’t come as a surprise that I instinctively found myself adapting to their moods, doing what I could to get their attention, to feel seen, valued, and accepted as part of the family and to maintain peace in the house. It was the normal, natural human survival instinct kicking in – the need for connection. Unfortunately, no matter how good I got at becoming aware of their moods and adjusting accordingly, peace was elusive and anxiety was palpable. Ultimately, my parents divorced, but that didn’t end the war and, in fact, just fanned the flames of the fire instead. I then spent many years attempting to navigate two homes, trying to please my parents separately, but always falling short, fertilizing a growing belief that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I work, it will never be (good) enough.
What I experienced in my family I now refer to as “reversed attunement”, because I tuned into my parents emotional needs to survive instead of my parents being aware of my needs as a child to support my growth. What I learned on my journey is that my parents were also victims of “reversed attunement” and, as such, didn’t know any other way of being when they had children of their own. In fact, one of the family rules passed through the generations in my family was “children are to be seen, not heard”, so the children in my family learned creative ways to be noticed and heard, to ensure they were not left behind.
What we now know is that humans are wired for connection with a basic human need to be accepted and included, whether in a family, tribe, or some other group. And when group members are attuned to each other, that is aware of and responsive to the emotional needs of its members, then healthy growth is possible. Yet, this attunement needs to be initiated, led, or modeled by the elders to the children, not the other way around. If the elders are not capable of attunement, the children will sense the disconnection and their bodies will perceive it as a threat to their survival. If children do not feel accepted and valued, especially within their nuclear families, they experience feelings of rejection or abandonment and do not have the rational capacity yet to figure out why, leading the body to absorb the distress, creating an experience of tension and anxiety. This physiological reaction in the body is referred to as the fight-or-flight response or acute stress response. Without the ability of the mind to understand this distress response in the body and with the chronic nature of the anxiety, the mind begins to distance itself from the body, ignoring the innate wisdom of the body, creating a separation or dissociation between the mind and the body, pushing the painful feelings down beneath the surface of awareness.
In this chronic state of anxiety, the body is seeking connection and desires to belong, yet the mind says it is not safe, keeping the body in a heightened state of alertness to possible danger. When the body is under such distress, the breath becomes very shallow, which supports the sympathetic nervous system, the part of the autonomic nervous system that prepares us to either run away from danger or to fight it. It prevents the logical part of our minds from fully participating in the assessment of any situation, building a larger divide between the body and the mind. But when we begin to understand and embrace that this divide has a purpose – to keep us safe – then, from this place of compassion, we can explore ways to realign the body and the mind, creating space for the expression of our fears, beliefs, and a fuller, deeper, and more expansive breath.
When I first began my healing journey away from disconnection and anxiety, I started with psychotherapy alone, where the focus was on my mind, specifically my thoughts and beliefs that were underneath my anxiety. This process helped me to gain a greater understanding of why I believed what I did, but it didn’t really address or relieve the long-held tension in my body. It wasn’t until I began to integrate yoga, and specifically the conscious breathing that is integral to a yoga practice, that I was able to get in touch with the depth of my anxiety. What I learned was that I was experiencing “reversed breathing”, which was a result and a reflection of experiencing “reversed attunement”. When I would inhale, I would suck my belly in and when I exhaled, I would let my belly out. I came to learn that the natural, human breath is facilitated by the diaphragm, which engages and presses down on the inhale, creating space for the lungs to fully expand, and, as such, inflates not only the chest and ribs, but the belly too. Then, on the exhale, the diaphragm relaxes back up into the chest in its resting dome shape, as the belly and chest deflate and soften. Reconnecting to this natural breathing pattern wasn’t always easy and took practice. Sometimes it made me feel claustrophobic or lightheaded. But with a little patience and compassion for myself, I soon noticed a shift. When I would practice releasing my exhales for a longer period of time than my inhales, I noticed a tangible release of tension in my body. I now know that is because it activates the parasympathetic nervous system, the part of the autonomic nervous system that supports the relaxation response in the body. I slowly became more aware of the long-held tension in my body, how my anxiety would highjack my ability to think and speak, and how, if I simply took a full, conscious breath, I would create space to choose to respond instead of react to situations.
As I continued to practice bringing awareness to my breath, I used my breath as a resource to help calm my body when my mind became anxious, which allowed my logical mind to stay present and reflect on what was creating the anxiety. With this internal resource, I was able to prevent the dissociation of the mind-body and bring them back into alignment, breathing through those old, familiar feelings of disconnection. With the support of my breath, I am able to remind myself that I am worthy of connection and acceptance, whose early childhood experience of “reversed attunement” has expanded my capacity to be attuned to and compassionate towards others.
If you are interested in reading more about the benefits of integrating conscious breathing exercises into psychotherapy, click on the button below to read a recent research article that speaks to this topic.
5 Intention-setting Ideas to Improve Your Heart’s Health
/in Newsletter/by Linda“If light is in your heart, you will find your way home.” ― Rumi
Living in a culture that values independence, extroversion, and multi-tasking, we can find ourselves alone, seeking the company of others for inspiration and energy while trying to do more with less. What I have found is that this can be a recipe that feeds an underlying monster gnawing at our self-worth, supporting a compulsion to compare ourselves to others in an attempt to measure our value, and fueling behaviors that reflect our efforts to try to be “super” human or risk being perceived as “less than” when we fail to accomplish the unrealistic or impossible. If we don’t recognize all of the factors that create chronic stress in our lives and work to reduce that stress, we will continue to crave “comfort foods” and be less likely to seek out, none-the-less implement other heart health-supporting activities or behaviors.
I was directly and indirectly taught as I grew up that it was “selfish” if I focused on myself in any way. What I have since learned through much trial and error, anxiety, and exhaustion, is that i MUST focus on myself or risk becoming someone no one wants to be around. If we don’t practice some sort of “self-care” each day where we honor our own needs, we create an internal environment of increasing, chronic pressure that builds to a boiling point, jeopardizing our own well-being and the well-being of the lives we touch.
Therefore, below (and in my blog this month) I am honoring American Hearth Health month by offering 5 intention-setting ideas supported by new research that can reduce cortisol, our stress hormone and improve your heart health by creating opportunities to slow down and giving ourselves permission to focus on one task at a time in order to honor our humanness and our universal value by simply BEING:
Honoring Heart Health Month – Yoga-based lifestyle reduces inflammation and risk of cardiovascular disease.
/in Yoga/by LindaLast month, I wrote about how a part of the brain, specifically the amygdala where emotions are experienced, is impacted by chronic stress, the connection to our heart health, and how talking about our emotions is potentially a part of the physical healing journey towards a reduction in cardiovascular disease. This month, in recognition of American Heart Month, I want to highlight how embracing a yoga-based lifestyle, including movement, conscious breathing exercises, and mindfulness, can further enhance the reduction in the physical inflammation triggered by the amygdala and the risk of heart disease.
When many of us hear the word yoga, we think of the many photos we see in magazines of people in twisted, inverted positions posed in breath-taking places, such as the top of a mountain or a rock sticking out of the ocean. Not too realistic for the majority of us, both the poses and the locations! I find myself in awe of such photos, yet being an avid “yogi”, I don’t understand the intention behind such photos. I don’t find them inviting and, instead, find them intimidating and potentially defeating. Yoga is not about competition and getting our bodies into “the perfect pose” to show off to the world. If anything, I think these photos promote competition, which, if we believe we cannot compete due to our body-mind limitations, tends to guide us to not engage at all. And now that more research-based evidence of the health benefits of a yoga-based lifestyle is coming out, we should be doing whatever we can to reflect that yoga is more of an internal journey towards self-acceptance and compassion, not an external experience of comparison.
A yoga-based lifestyle does not mean going to the gym and getting on a mat to exercise and actually does not require a great deal more than what we normally do every day. In fact, you can do yoga without owning a mat or ever leaving your home! What it may mean is that we give ourselves permission to create time for ourselves, reduce our unrealistically long “to do” lists, and prioritize our self-care activities. Simply taking just 30 minutes a day to include some physical and breathing exercises will make a significant change – and it does not have to be 30 minutes in a row. You can even do it while sitting and watching your favorite TV show – using the commercial breaks to simply close your eyes, bring your awareness to your breath, and invite your breath to lengthen and deepen as you take 3-5 inhales and exhales through your nose. Then, if you need a challenge, try focusing on your breath for the whole 2-minute commercial break and notice the body-mind response. You might notice a physical sensation in the body or you might notice an increase in the clarity of your thoughts.
And, as far a yoga positions, when someone asks me for my #1 suggestion, I offer what is referred to as “legs-up-the-wall”, also known in Sanskrit as Viparita Karani. I guide clients to try this pose for the first time with only the heels touching the wall at first (see photo accompanying this post), so there is no tension in the back of the legs. You can do it anywhere, including against the back of a door. Simply lower yourself to the floor near a wall, using a chair if needed to transition to (and back up from) the floor. Find yourself first seated on the floor and then lowering yourself all the way down to one side of your body, curling into a fetal position, with your knees up toward your chest. Now, roll onto your back, extend the legs up into the air and rest the heels on the wall. Once settled into the pose, notice your breath and try smoothing it out as you inhale and exhale through the nose. You can hold this pose as long as it feels comfortable in the body. When ready to release from the pose, reverse the steps you took to get into it. Bend your knees, bring the soles of the feet to the wall and slide them down towards your hips. Roll to one side coming back into a fetal position. Use your top hand to press down into the floor to raise yourself up into a seated position, moving gently and slowly. Take a moment to notice any physical sensations or thoughts in the mind and, when it suits you, transition back to standing, using the chair if needed.
Practicing such a gentle inversion turns on the parasympathetic nervous system, the system of “rest and digest” bringing balance to the sympathetic system that is responsible for activating the “flight and fight” responses instinctual in the human survival optimization system. It is such balancing experiences that support the body’s natural ability to process input, not only the foods we eat, but the sights, sounds, and smells that enter our body through our five senses. When we support our body in this way, we create a healthier environment for the body to maintain its own natural balance, as reflected in measurements of weight, blood pressure, glucose levels, etc., thus reducing the inflammatory response in the body, along with the level of cortisol and the risk of cardiovascular disease.
Making a conscious choice to slow down, embracing the mantra of “less is more”, might be a good place to start when considering a yoga-based lifestyle as a prevention and management intervention for heart disease. And, if you are inspired to “get on the mat” in a yoga class, remember that there is NO perfect pose, only the perfect variation of a pose that moves you both inside and out!
If you are interested in reading more about the research around how a yoga-based lifestyle can reduce the risk of heart disease, click on the link below:
5 Intention-setting Ideas to Expand Our Human Capacity for Empathy
/in Newsletter/by Linda“Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for an instant?” ― Henry David Thoreau
Empathy is our ability to sense the emotional experience of another person, our wish to understand another person’s perspective, which may be difficult when it is different from our own, and be open to allowing the understanding to guide our actions. Thanks to the discovery of mirror neurons in our brains, neuroscientists have opened the door to viewing the human capacity for empathy as an attribute that can be exercised and strengthened just like our muscles in our body.
And with much of the efforts in the world focused on creating revolutionary change at this time, it’s not surprising that the experience may be felt as polarizing, asking each of us to deeply sense and feel our own emotions, possibly beyond our own emotionally intelligent skill set. So setting an intention to try one of the five ideas (listed below) to expand our individual capacity for empathy for our fellow human beings around the globe may just be the spark that lights the flame that draws others to the light, where we can see more clearly that we all simply desire to be accepted as we are, appreciated for our unique gifts, and loved unconditionally as we grow:
Can talking about your emotions improve your heart health?
/in Talk Therapy/by LindaA significant part of my family culture viewed emotional expression as unacceptable or, at least, unnecessary and would disengage or withdraw from anyone that openly displayed emotions. Also, any public display of affection (PDA) was discouraged, so, as a young child, I learned to ignore my emotions to be accepted by my family. It wasn’t until I was a young adult that I began to realize I struggled to ‘control’ my emotions and, when I couldn’t, my self-talk became very judgmental, making me think there was something wrong with me because I had these emotions that would leak out at the most inappropriate times.
I had a lot of practice at separating my physical sensations as precursors to full blown emotions from the thoughts my mind would form in response, telling myself often that you must be logical and rational and not move forward from an emotional or “irrational” experience. I got skilled at ignoring even some basic biological needs, such as hunger as these experiences were not emanating from the mind’s rational control. Now, learning to compartmentalize in this way is not necessarily detrimental in the moment. In fact, it can be quite helpful in times of chaos or crisis. However, after years of trying to follow the family rules of minimal emotional expression, I began to experience a degradation of my physical health, including an increase in my weight, blood pressure, blood sugar, and “bad” cholesterol levels. And, as I mentioned, my emotions began exposing themselves more frequently, many times when I least expected them to do so.
It was at that point that I began searching for ways to get healthier, such as changing my diet and increasing exercise in my daily routine. I also began traditional psychotherapy. What I came to discover was that the level of stress I was experiencing was magnified by disowning my emotional self and trying to bring my emotions under rational control. What I didn’t know at that time was that my amygdala, an area of the brain linked to stress, was in a heightened state of alert to danger, working overtime and causing a chain reaction of inflammation in my body. When I began to learn how to befriend my feelings and not view them as the enemy that needs to be conquered, I started to sense an experience of relief. As I got curious about my emotions and the messages behind them, I was able to begin to embrace the wisdom of my body and allow my emotions to have a voice in my decision-making and relationships.
Now, this wasn’t a quick and easy process. I had to challenge not only my transgenerational, long-held family belief that emotions are BAD and I had to do so within a larger, societal culture that values the logical over the emotional. Yet, with courage and support, the more I did, the better I felt. Initially, I felt like an outsider or worse a traitor within my family. It was also difficult at first to even identify the powerful emotions that I was experiencing as most of the time they were masked by anger. As I learned to be more patient and accepting of myself, I was able to notice where I felt the emotions in my body and with the help of my psychotherapist, I was able to find a name for what I was feeling and explore why such emotions were arising. Many times the sensations I would experience in my body would be pain in my head (i.e., tension headaches) or heaviness in my chest, around my heart, making it difficult to breathe.
As I got better at observing my body responses and understanding the messages behind my emotions, I was able to honor the wisdom and guidance being offered, instead of resisting, denying, or stuffing down my emotions. I learned to listen more deeply to my body and respond to situations by integrating both the intelligence of the logical and the emotional parts of my mind. As I did, my body rewarded me with an overall improvement in my physical health, including a lowering of my blood pressure, sugar, and cholesterol levels. I also found that I didn’t need to spend so much energy trying to control my emotions, as my emotions became more naturally balanced and felt less overwhelming. My personal experience convinced me that when we fear rejection or abandonment from our tribe and/or behave in ways to feel accepted by the people around us although those behaviors are uncomfortable and distressing our bodies try to absorb the chronic psychological stress of trying to “fit in and be someone we are not to avoid the emotional pain that might come from being different (and unacceptable).
So when a new research study was published in The Lancet, due to my own personal experience, it didn’t come as a surprise to me that the results reflect a link between how the brain manages stress and an increase in the risk of heart disease. I always felt that there was a connection between the emotional pain of heart break (in other words, rejection and lack of acceptance) and the leading cause of death, heart dis-ease!
To read more about this new research, click the link below:
5 Reasons to Set Intentions Instead of New Year’s Resolutions
/in Newsletter/by Linda“Live less out of habit and more out of intent.” ― Author Unknown
Happy Winter Solstice! Yes, it is the official start of winter, the shortest day of light, and a turning point with each day bringing more light as we move through the season. It is a good reminder that this is the darkest point of the year, where seeds of intention lay dormant, until we bring light to the ones we want to manifest in the New Year. So why set intentions instead of resolutions as we ring in 2017?
Research out of the University of Scranton suggests that just 8% of the people who set New Year’s resolutions actually succeed in achieving those goals, thus leaving the majority of us feeling like failures. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like feeling like a failure!
Some of the top resolutions people make include starting a new diet, losing weight, and saving money. All of these goals imply a need for more self-discipline, which brings with it an implication that we are currently not doing good enough. Coming from a place where we focus on giving up something to achieve an end result has the goal founded in avoidance, even in the name of self-improvement. These behavior changes are rooted in fear, whether from our conditioned pasts or the unknown future. Not fertile ground for real and lasting growth to occur!
Setting intentions, Sankalpa in Sanskrit, are made from the heart, not the mind, and focus on the growth of our souls. So, if the reason we set resolutions at this time of year is to improve our lives in the new year, I offer you the following ideas on why setting an intention might serve you, and the world, better:
Care for the Caregivers
/in Yoga/by LindaI discovered yoga while still working in corporate America and it truly became my anchor in the storm of doing more with less. I found the practices soothing to my nerves while uplifting to my mind, allowing me to remain present in the chaos and go with the flow as the direction of my goals and objectives changed practically on a daily basis. I found the changes in my body and mind were so profound that I decided I just had to bring this ‘medicine’ to others that might be suffering from the same pressures. So I took a basic 200-hour in-depth yoga study and teacher certification training to become a yoga teacher. At the time, I didn’t know how impactful this training would be when I later decided to pursue a mid-life transformational career change to become a psychotherapist!
What I have found from personal experience is that these same yoga practices work to avoid vicarious trauma and prevent burnout, which is so prevalent in mental health professionals. Burnout is not a sign that we are a bad therapist and, in fact, it is probably an indicator that we are a good therapist because we are empathic towards others and have compassion for their suffering. However, if we don’t practice what we preach to our clients about self-care, we may move from being a compassionate witness to the suffering of others to experiencing vicarious trauma or burnout.
Not only does having these yogic practices available in my self-care took kit help me clear my body and mind in between sessions and at the end of the day, I am able to offer many of these practices to my clients to assist them on their healing journeys. And it is good to learn that the research is lending credibility to the effectiveness of yoga as an adjunctive clinical intervention for many of the mental health challenges experienced by our clients, including anxiety, depression, and PTSD.
So, based upon my personal experience, and now having the research begin to validate my personal experience, I encourage all mental health professionals explore how they might integrate yoga into their practices, not only to enhance their own lives, but to enhance the therapeutic relationship and the lives of their clients. I think it is important to highlight that pursuing certification as a yoga teacher does not mean you have to teach yoga classes as many might expect. In fact, as a yoga teacher trainer myself, it has been my experience that the majority of students taking the training do so to deepen their own personal practice versus having the intention to teach yoga.
I also think it is important to highlight that not all yoga – and in-depth yoga study and teacher certification trainings – are the same. Just as it is critical that there is a “good fit” between our clients and ourselves as reflected in the therapeutic relationship, it is critical that there is a “good fit” between yoga students and yoga teachers. Therefore, when venturing into the yoga world, I encourage everyone to shop around. Most yoga studios and schools will offer introductory specials where you can take unlimited yoga classes for a limited period of time so you can experience multiple teachers relatively quickly in order to determine if there is a fit, before making any further financial, physical, and emotional commitment. And if you find a fit, I suggest approaching the teacher and asking where they took their training.
So, if you have been considering adding yoga to your took kit and have wondered what options are out there, click on the button below to read an article addressing the empirical research on yoga and offering practical suggestions for mental health professionals interested in using yoga.
5 Intention-setting Ideas for Self-Care Through This Holiday Season
/in Newsletter/by Linda“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” ― Buddha
With one of the most contentious presidential elections in recent memory still resonating throughout the world and the ‘season of giving’ fast approaching, I don’t believe I am alone in my felt experience of unease and restlessness.
Therefore, I spent some time in reflection around the questions of “What are the ways I take care of myself” and “What do I do to create a sacred, safe container for myself” in order to calm the uneasy and restless parts of myself. I recognize that if I don’t honor my own inner states of unrest, then I am unable to maintain my connection to that still point within where my authentic self exists, where my essence of love and light dwell, and, thus, will not be able to continue to walk a heart-led life, being the light not only for myself but for those that are struggling to find their way out of the darkness.
I thought I would share the outcome of my reflections with you below, so that you might try one of the techniques for yourself, when you may begin feeling like you have given all that you have to give to others and are in need of a recharge or reboot:
“Reversed Attunement” – what is it, how does it impact the body-mind connection, and how can breathing help?
/in Talk Therapy/by LindaWhen I reflect on my childhood, I now realize that my parents struggled to accept themselves and each other, so it doesn’t come as a surprise that I instinctively found myself adapting to their moods, doing what I could to get their attention, to feel seen, valued, and accepted as part of the family and to maintain peace in the house. It was the normal, natural human survival instinct kicking in – the need for connection. Unfortunately, no matter how good I got at becoming aware of their moods and adjusting accordingly, peace was elusive and anxiety was palpable. Ultimately, my parents divorced, but that didn’t end the war and, in fact, just fanned the flames of the fire instead. I then spent many years attempting to navigate two homes, trying to please my parents separately, but always falling short, fertilizing a growing belief that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I work, it will never be (good) enough.
What I experienced in my family I now refer to as “reversed attunement”, because I tuned into my parents emotional needs to survive instead of my parents being aware of my needs as a child to support my growth. What I learned on my journey is that my parents were also victims of “reversed attunement” and, as such, didn’t know any other way of being when they had children of their own. In fact, one of the family rules passed through the generations in my family was “children are to be seen, not heard”, so the children in my family learned creative ways to be noticed and heard, to ensure they were not left behind.
What we now know is that humans are wired for connection with a basic human need to be accepted and included, whether in a family, tribe, or some other group. And when group members are attuned to each other, that is aware of and responsive to the emotional needs of its members, then healthy growth is possible. Yet, this attunement needs to be initiated, led, or modeled by the elders to the children, not the other way around. If the elders are not capable of attunement, the children will sense the disconnection and their bodies will perceive it as a threat to their survival. If children do not feel accepted and valued, especially within their nuclear families, they experience feelings of rejection or abandonment and do not have the rational capacity yet to figure out why, leading the body to absorb the distress, creating an experience of tension and anxiety. This physiological reaction in the body is referred to as the fight-or-flight response or acute stress response. Without the ability of the mind to understand this distress response in the body and with the chronic nature of the anxiety, the mind begins to distance itself from the body, ignoring the innate wisdom of the body, creating a separation or dissociation between the mind and the body, pushing the painful feelings down beneath the surface of awareness.
In this chronic state of anxiety, the body is seeking connection and desires to belong, yet the mind says it is not safe, keeping the body in a heightened state of alertness to possible danger. When the body is under such distress, the breath becomes very shallow, which supports the sympathetic nervous system, the part of the autonomic nervous system that prepares us to either run away from danger or to fight it. It prevents the logical part of our minds from fully participating in the assessment of any situation, building a larger divide between the body and the mind. But when we begin to understand and embrace that this divide has a purpose – to keep us safe – then, from this place of compassion, we can explore ways to realign the body and the mind, creating space for the expression of our fears, beliefs, and a fuller, deeper, and more expansive breath.
When I first began my healing journey away from disconnection and anxiety, I started with psychotherapy alone, where the focus was on my mind, specifically my thoughts and beliefs that were underneath my anxiety. This process helped me to gain a greater understanding of why I believed what I did, but it didn’t really address or relieve the long-held tension in my body. It wasn’t until I began to integrate yoga, and specifically the conscious breathing that is integral to a yoga practice, that I was able to get in touch with the depth of my anxiety. What I learned was that I was experiencing “reversed breathing”, which was a result and a reflection of experiencing “reversed attunement”. When I would inhale, I would suck my belly in and when I exhaled, I would let my belly out. I came to learn that the natural, human breath is facilitated by the diaphragm, which engages and presses down on the inhale, creating space for the lungs to fully expand, and, as such, inflates not only the chest and ribs, but the belly too. Then, on the exhale, the diaphragm relaxes back up into the chest in its resting dome shape, as the belly and chest deflate and soften. Reconnecting to this natural breathing pattern wasn’t always easy and took practice. Sometimes it made me feel claustrophobic or lightheaded. But with a little patience and compassion for myself, I soon noticed a shift. When I would practice releasing my exhales for a longer period of time than my inhales, I noticed a tangible release of tension in my body. I now know that is because it activates the parasympathetic nervous system, the part of the autonomic nervous system that supports the relaxation response in the body. I slowly became more aware of the long-held tension in my body, how my anxiety would highjack my ability to think and speak, and how, if I simply took a full, conscious breath, I would create space to choose to respond instead of react to situations.
As I continued to practice bringing awareness to my breath, I used my breath as a resource to help calm my body when my mind became anxious, which allowed my logical mind to stay present and reflect on what was creating the anxiety. With this internal resource, I was able to prevent the dissociation of the mind-body and bring them back into alignment, breathing through those old, familiar feelings of disconnection. With the support of my breath, I am able to remind myself that I am worthy of connection and acceptance, whose early childhood experience of “reversed attunement” has expanded my capacity to be attuned to and compassionate towards others.
If you are interested in reading more about the benefits of integrating conscious breathing exercises into psychotherapy, click on the button below to read a recent research article that speaks to this topic.
5 Intention-setting Ideas to Support Our Basic Human Need for Connection
/in Newsletter/by Linda“We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.” ― William James
There is more and more research today supporting what I think most of us already knew – whether consciously or subconsciously – that humans are wired for connection. What I have witnessed and experienced is when we find ourselves in healthy, reciprocal relationships, we grow and when we experience disconnection from our tribe, we wilt.
And yet our social culture tells us that we should value independence, not need anyone or fear being labeled ‘co-dependent’, and that we should be able to solve our problems on our own and, if we can’t, there is something wrong with us.
I understand it can be a bit scary to admit to our need for connection, so below are 5 intention-setting ideas to consider trying to support your well-being through expanding and deepening your connection with others:
Can yoga help transform your relationship with food?
/in Yoga/by LindaI found myself thinking a lot recently about the journey that brought me to my current relationship. No, not with my significant other, but with food! I have to admit, in the past, I turned to food for comfort and as a reward. When people meet me today and I talk about what and how I used to eat, they cannot believe that I once would “super size” a Big Mac meal at McDonald’s or order a large pizza ‘just for me’ and proceed to eat the whole thing in one sitting. I remember trying to control my food intake by not eating breakfast or lunch and then allowing myself to eat after working a long, stressful day, often seeking traditional comfort foods, such as a box of macaroni and cheese or a bowl of fettuccine alfredo. I would eat so quickly and so much that I would feel uncomfortably full and disgusted with myself afterwards as I realized I had no self-control, and then finding myself repeating the same pattern the next day. It wasn’t until I discovered yoga that I was able to change my relationship with food.
So what was it about yoga that helped me transform my view of food from one of comfort to one of simply fuel for the body, like learning is fuel for the mind? Turning to the research literature for some answers begins to shed some light on what I personally experienced. It is a critically important subject to explore due to the millions of people who suffer from eating disorders in the United States. In fact, according to the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA), “In the United States, 20 million women and 10 million men suffer from a clinically significant eating disorder at some time in their life, including anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, binge eating disorder, or EDNOS (Wade, Keski-Rahkonen, & Hudson, 2011). (EDNOS is now recognized as OSFED, other specified feeding or eating disorder, per the DSM-5).”
Recent research is focusing on how someone’s ability to tolerate distress is related to self-destructive behaviors and exploring yoga as a way to increase an individual’s level of distress tolerance to change those behaviors. What the research suggests is that yoga does support an increase in distress tolerance and subsequent reduction in emotional eating behaviors. One particular study had women that struggled with, as I did, emotional eating, participate in a yoga practice twice a week for 8 weeks with amazing results.
When I first started taking yoga classes, I found myself on my mat in as many classes as I could attend, sometimes 5-6 times per week. What I learned from those early classes is that yoga encouraged me to stay present on my mat and simply breathe. By focusing on my breath as I stretched and challenged my body, I was able to step back from reacting to any dis-ease I might have been experiencing in the moment and simply observe how it moved and changed. I also learned that it was within my control to move my body and breath in a way that made me feel more comfortable in my own skin. From those early experiences on my mat, I quickly internalized that simply breathing consciously in moments of distress creates space between a trigger and my resulting behavior, opening up the opportunity for me to ‘respond’ instead of ‘react’, which I began to experience as extremely empowering!
As I became more conscious of how my body felt and learned to pay attention to sensations and feelings that arose on my mat, I learned how to choose between backing off or deepening into a pose based upon the messages my body would send to my mind. I began to value and honor the wisdom of my body, which allowed me to begin to understand why I developed the ‘reaction’ of emotional eating to self-soothe in times of distress. I had basically used the normal, naturally adaptive human response of dissociation to tolerate distress, separating my body from my mind and ignoring the body and its innate intelligence. Once I understood that my eating behaviors were not ‘abnormal’ and, in fact, were quite adaptive, I could then begin to have compassion for myself.
As I created opportunities to pay attention to my body’s messages, my mind-body connection got fired up and rewired. I began to notice when I felt hungry. I could then make a more mindful decision of what to eat and how much I ate. I then began to observe how my body would respond to the foods I ate, guiding me and supporting healthier choices. My cravings for fat, sugar, salt and carbs shrunk and new cravings for salad and hummus grew. I no longer skipped breakfast and gave up McDonald’s altogether. I no longer felt the need to deprive my body of fuel, forcing it to run on empty until it ‘deserved’ to be rewarded with food after the mind had accomplished a very long daily ‘to do’ list. And as my distress tolerance increased and my eating behaviors changed, my body thanked me by releasing the excess weight I gained over the years.
My personal “case study” of how yoga transformed my relationship with food would be considered only anecdotal evidence by the research community and not valid to recommend yoga as an alternative healing modality for eating disorders. So, it is encouraging to see that research is beginning to emerge to validate my personal experience and the research community beginning to support yoga as an effective way to improve the overall health of individuals that have experienced a significant amount of distress in their lives. If you are interested in reading the research study mentioned above for more details, click on the link below.