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5 Intention-setting Ideas to Transform Your Life!

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Say ‘YES’ to you!

Saying ‘No’ to others can create an internal conflict as it challenges cultural messages that encourages and rewards our external focus.  Many of us received conflicting messages as we grew up, such as that we ‘should’ help others or we will be seen as callous but if we ask for help we will be seen as weak or perhaps dependent in a culture that promotes independence as an ideal.  Another conflicting message that we might grapple with inside is when people compliment you as big hearted when taking care of others but denigrate you as selfish if you take care of yourself.  Such conflicting messages can hold us in a space that is ripe for symptoms of anxiety and depression to grow.

It might appear to be contradictory, yet I have learned that saying ‘no’ is actually quite freeing.  It actually was a significant step in transforming my life!

Learning to embrace what is most meaningful to you will not only transform your life, but will contribute to the transformation of the world!  And saying ‘Yes’ to what is most meaningful to you (and saying ‘No’ to others) is not selfish, it is SELF-CARE!

Instead of feeling like you have no control over your life and that you are moving through the world at the beck and call of others, focusing on what matters the most to you and saying no to anything that does not align with that vision will create space to transform your life into one of presence and peace.

I know it can be scary to imagine saying ‘No’ to others, especially to those that we love, so below are some ideas to motivate you to take some small steps forward on your journey of transformation:

  1. Create Space.   When we are programmed to say ‘yes’ to any and all requests made of us, it creates a great deal of pressure to multi-task more, dividing our attention into smaller and smaller pieces that get difficult to juggle.  We overcommit and move into a space of fear of disappointing others when we cannot continue to meet all of those obligations.  We find ourselves always busy, yet unable to be fully present for anything.  We might feel like we are constantly running on a treadmill, not sure if we are heading in a positive direction or just running in circles.  Consider the most recent time you said ‘yes’ to something that you really didn’t want to do.  Reflect on how much time that commitment took to complete, time that you might have done something different.  What would you have done differently in that time that would have felt more fulfilling to you?  When we are able to say ‘no’ to requests that don’t align with our values and passions, we create space to engage with our unique gifts that bring joy to the world through bringing more joy to us!
  2. Reduce Burnout.  When we begin to extract ourselves from the pattern of overcommitting ourselves to others, we reduce the number of times we find ourselves in a double bind.  The double bind of choosing others over choosing ourselves creates an internal stress that simmers below the surface constantly.  That internal stress continues to build over time and creates inflammation in the mind and body.  Eventually, that stress and inflammation presents itself as dis-ease or illness.  Consider for a moment how you might recognize when your mind or body asks for a break.  Do you listen to it or do you dismiss it?  If you are unable to recognize when the mind and/or body ask for a break or you do, but you dismiss it on a regular basis, your body will eventually starts to show signs of it breaking down that can no longer be ignored.  It is inevitable, because we are not superheroes.  We are human beings with limitations and that’s okay!  If you begin to reduce those ‘double bind’ spaces by saying ‘no’ to those things that drain you, you are reducing your risk of burnout and future health challenges.
  3. Deepen Relationships.  Take a moment to think about a time when you felt fully seen, heard and known.  It is in those moments that presence enveloped the connection in your relationship.  The greatest gift we can give others it our presence, yet being overcommitted challenges our ability to be present.  As human beings, we thrive in healthy relationships that prioritize presence through time, attention and attunement.  With this knowledge, we need to accept that our time and attention are limited and, with that acceptance, begin to take steps towards tuning into our own needs and deepening the relationship with ourselves.  From there, it is easier to identify those healthy relationships in our lives, where if we say ‘no’ it will be respected and recognized as an honest response.  Consider practicing saying ‘no’ in one of your healthy relationships to observe their acknowledgement of your response.  Perhaps your response might sound something like “I’m not able to connect with you in this way at this time as it would not allow me the space to be fully present with you, which is what I want to give you because you are so important to me.”
  4. Expand Respect.  I would anticipate that most people value respect and want to be respected.  In order to command respect, it requires us to respect ourselves first.  If we don’t respect our time and boundaries, by saying ‘yes’ to all requests, then others learn to not respect our time and boundaries.  Consider any beliefs you might hold that guide you to respect others by accommodating all requests, yet prevent you from accommodating requests that fulfill you.  Is there a subconscious belief that if you say ‘no’ to others it is rude or disrespectful?  If so, you can begin to challenge that belief by recognizing that always saying ‘yes’ informs others that your time and boundaries are open to be intruded upon.
  5. Find Balance.  Many ancient cultures promote balance as one of the most important core values to hold.  They point to nature as a reflection of that core value, highlighing how nature is perfectly balanced and, as such, is able to bend, rather than break.  Perhaps take some time to sit with and reflect on such a core value.  Does it resonate with you?  Does it call to you?  Focusing on what matters most to you, getting aligned with and living by your core values, brings balance.  When we feel overwhelmed due to being constantly overcommitted, it is THE red flag of being out of balance.  Learning to say ‘no’ is the first step you can take to invite more balance into your life, fostering an environment ripe for well-being that is reflected in your mental, physical and emotional health!

5 Intention-setting Ideas to Invite Engagement Back

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Mother Earth has begun to show signs of rebirth as the season of Spring is upon us!  It is the time of year where many of us start to feel more energized as we emerge from the darkness and slumber of winter.  However, if you are not having the same sense of energy and motivation bubbling up from the inside, it might be due to burnout.

It has been believed that burnout is caused by an imbalance in our work/life experiences and inadequate self-care.  Well, these circumstances can certainly aggravate and exacerbate the path of burnout, but new research indicates this phenomenon originates from a deeper well source.

If you think you might be experiencing the symptoms of burnout, or if you know someone that is struggling in this space, below are some intention setting ideas to begin to move into a healthier living and working space.

  1. Burnout or Moral Injury?  The World Health Organization (WHO) added a definition of burnout in the International Classification of Diseases, 10th Revision in 2013, well before the pandemic, and added a more detailed definition in the 11th revision in 2019.  The pandemic provided the perfect storm to advance the research on the underlying causes of burnout on the job, specifically the ‘double binds’ that create toxic environments ripe with opportunities to cause moral injuries.  Consider inviting your curious part to delve a bit deeper into learning more about this mental health pandemic.
  2. Do I Have It?  If you have been wondering if you might be experiencing the burnout symptoms of repeated moral injuries, perhaps take one of the online tests to assess yourself.  For those who work in a service industry, this test might be best.    For those who work in a non-service field, this test might be a better option.
  3. Where Is It?  Burnout is most often identified in the work environment.  However, it can also occur from life demands beyond our careers.  The pandemic did many things, including bringing to light the ‘double-binds’ organizations put their employees in, creating moral dilemmas and injuries.  The research that is emerging from this light is that burnout and moral injury are overlapping constructs.  This information is moving the responsibility for burnout away from the individual and onto organizations.  So, perhaps, to normalize and validate your personal experience with burnout at work, take a look at some of this research from eClinicalMedicine, and McKinsey Health Institute.
  4. Who’s Responsible for It?  An organization’s culture can either be healthy or toxic.  In 2019, prior to the pandemic, the Harvard Business Review published an article on shifting the responsibility for managing burnout away from the individual and towards the organization, encouraging employers to clean up the toxicity in the workplace.  If you hold an influential position within your company, or have a receptive boss, perhaps consider reading and then sharing this article to spread the word and advocating for change.
  5. What Can I Do?  Change starts with awareness and begins to gain momentum with a deeper understanding.  Treating the underlying cause of burnout – moral injury – starts with identifying the ‘double binds’ you are dealing with on a daily basis, whether at work or in your life.  The next step is to communicate those ‘double binds’ to others that might be in the same position and to those that are engaged in the creation of the environment.  Uniting with others that struggle with the same ‘double binds’ for support, camaraderie, mentorship, and activism is a vital part of creating change as well as opening lines of communication with those who have the power to enact change.  When we are able to effectively communicate the challenge (i.e., share the research) so others can truly feel the impact of the moral injury being created, we open up space for empathy.  It is in that space of empathy where mutual understanding and change blossom!.

Care for the Caregivers

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I discovered yoga while still working in corporate America and it truly became my anchor in the storm of doing more with less.  I found the practices soothing to my nerves while uplifting to my mind, allowing me to remain present in the chaos and go with the flow as the direction of my goals and objectives changed practically on a daily basis.  I found the changes in my body and mind were so profound that I decided I just had to bring this ‘medicine’ to others that might be suffering from the same pressures.  So I took a basic 200-hour in-depth yoga study and teacher certification training to become a yoga teacher.  At the time, I didn’t know how impactful this training would be when I later decided to pursue a mid-life transformational career change to become a psychotherapist!

What I have found from personal experience is that these same yoga practices work to avoid vicarious trauma and prevent burnout, which is so prevalent in mental health professionals.  Burnout is not a sign that we are a bad therapist and, in fact, it is probably an indicator that we are a good therapist because we are empathic towards others and have compassion for their suffering.  However, if we don’t practice what we preach to our clients about self-care, we may move from being a compassionate witness to the suffering of others to experiencing vicarious trauma or burnout.

Not only does having these yogic practices available in my self-care took kit help me clear my body and mind in between sessions and at the end of the day, I am able to offer many of these practices to my clients to assist them on their healing journeys.  And it is good to learn that the research is lending credibility to the effectiveness of yoga as an adjunctive clinical intervention for many of the mental health challenges experienced by our clients, including anxiety, depression, and PTSD.

So, based upon my personal experience, and now having the research begin to validate my personal experience, I encourage all mental health professionals explore how they might integrate yoga into their practices, not only to enhance their own lives, but to enhance the therapeutic relationship and the lives of their clients.  I think it is important to highlight that pursuing certification as a yoga teacher does not mean you have to teach yoga classes as many might expect.  In fact, as a yoga teacher trainer myself, it has been my experience that the majority of students taking the training do so to deepen their own personal practice versus having the intention to teach yoga.

I also think it is important to highlight that not all yoga – and in-depth yoga study and teacher certification trainings – are the same.  Just as it is critical that there is a “good fit” between our clients and ourselves as reflected in the therapeutic relationship, it is critical that there is a “good fit” between yoga students and yoga teachers.  Therefore, when venturing into the yoga world, I encourage everyone to shop around.  Most yoga studios and schools will offer introductory specials where you can take unlimited yoga classes for a limited period of time so you can experience multiple teachers relatively quickly in order to determine if there is a fit, before making any further financial, physical, and emotional commitment.  And if you find a fit, I suggest approaching the teacher and asking where they took their training.

So, if you have been considering adding yoga to your took kit and have wondered what options are out there, click on the button below to read an article addressing the empirical research on yoga and offering practical suggestions for mental health professionals interested in using yoga.

Integrating Yoga with Psychotherapy: A Complementary Treatment for Anxiety and Depression