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5 Reasons to Set Intentions Instead of New Year’s Resolutions

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“Live less out of habit and more out of intent.” ― Author Unknown

Happy Winter Solstice!  Yes, it is the official start of winter, the shortest day of light, and a turning point with each day bringing more light as we move through the season.  It is a good reminder that this is the darkest point of the year, where seeds of intention lay dormant, until we bring light to the ones we want to manifest in the New Year.  So why set intentions instead of resolutions as we ring in 2017?

Research out of the University of Scranton suggests that just 8% of the people who set New Year’s resolutions actually succeed in achieving those goals, thus leaving the majority of us feeling like failures.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t like feeling like a failure!

Some of the top resolutions people make include starting a new diet, losing weight, and saving money.  All of these goals imply a need for more self-discipline, which brings with it an implication that we are currently not doing good enough.  Coming from a place where we focus on giving up something to achieve an end result has the goal founded in avoidance, even in the name of self-improvement.  These behavior changes are rooted in fear, whether from our conditioned pasts or the unknown future.  Not fertile ground for real and lasting growth to occur!

Setting intentions, Sankalpa in Sanskrit, are made from the heart, not the mind, and focus on the growth of our souls. So, if the reason we set resolutions at this time of year is to improve our lives in the new year, I offer you the following ideas on why setting an intention might serve you, and the world, better:

  1. To Bring More Meaning.  I’d be willing to wager a bet that most of us would feel better if we knew what we did impacted someone in a positive way.  Our human existence depends on our deepening understanding of our interconnectedness, which is why we feel good when we are able to help others.  Therefore, setting an intention is more of a call out to the universe for assistance in manifesting something you desire or dream that will bring more purpose or meaning to our lives and the lives of others.
  2. To Change Attitudes.  My work helping others find more inner peace in their hearts and minds has reinforced a universal human need for acceptance, of self and others.  Yet, peace will be elusive if we don’t start with accepting ourselves first.  Just sit for a moment and imagine what you would feel like if you accepted yourself fully, without conditions such as “I’ll be happy if I just lose 10 lbs” or “I’ll be happy if I get that new job”.  Truly connecting to that place inside that KNOWS we are enough just as we are, a perfectly imperfect human wanting to be acknowledged for our intrinsic value simply by being present on this earth, brings a felt sense of inclusion, that we all are part of the larger human experience.
  3. To Broaden Instead of Limit.  I find resolutions to be restrictive, limiting the definition of, and thus the opportunity for success.  Maybe the need for S.M.A.R.T. (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Time-based) goals has permeated our culture so much that our ability to trust that there might be an even better outcome, one that our minds are not even able to comprehend, is available and in ‘divine’ time, not in a forced, linear timeline. If you might need a little inspiration in this area, to spark your creativity and break loose from the grips of this culture, I highly recommend going to see the new movie Arrival, based on the 1998 short story “Story of Your Life” by Ted. Chiang.
  4. To Accept Change.  A common statement I hear is “I don’t like change” yet I think most of us would agree with the Greek Philosopher Heraclitus that “the only constant in life is change”, putting us in a bit of a dilemma. And when we set resolutions using the S.M.A.R.T. goal approach, it introduces the space for judgment around our success or failure of following through, forever attaching us to the outcome or result, and not creating room for change.  No wonder we hate change as it comes with judgment! Intention-setting instead recognizes that you are on a journey of practice, honoring that life is not a destination but an ever-renewing process.
  5. To Expand Opportunities for Change.  Yes, the new year coming does bring with it sense of starting fresh, thus supporting the tradition of setting New Year resolutions.  However, intentions don’t happen just once a year – they can be set monthly, weekly, and even daily! For some of my more lofty intentions like “Love myself unconditionally”, I like to plant the seeds of my intentions at the new moon and then check back in at the full moon for any growth, just like the Farmer’s Almanac suggests when gardening.  For a more daily Sankalpa, such as “Self-compassion flows through me now”, I like to check in at the end of the day when I might feel a bit overwhelmed by my growing “to do” list to remind me that there is always tomorrow.

5 Intention-setting Ideas to Support Our Basic Human Need for Connection

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“We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.” ― William James

There is more and more research today supporting what I think most of us already knew – whether consciously or subconsciously – that humans are wired for connection. What I have witnessed and experienced is when we find ourselves in healthy, reciprocal relationships, we grow and when we experience disconnection from our tribe, we wilt.

And yet our social culture tells us that we should value independence, not need anyone or fear being labeled ‘co-dependent’, and that we should be able to solve our problems on our own and, if we can’t, there is something wrong with us.

Well, with the research behind me, I’m here to challenge that culture that values independence more than interdependence, because as humans we are designed to be connected with others in relationships!

I understand it can be a bit scary to admit to our need for connection, so below are 5 intention-setting ideas to consider trying to support your well-being through expanding and deepening your connection with others:

  1. Volunteer.  In the language of yoga, “seva” is the Sanskrit term meaning “selfless service” and engaging in seva is believed to assist in someone’s spiritual growth while also improving the community.  Although this implies releasing any expectations of receiving anything personally in return for our efforts, my experience and research suggests that the reward is a felt experience, one of working with others that care about the same things you do . . . in other words, vibing with your tribe.
  2. Join a group.  With the advent of social media, it is not hard to find a group that has the same interests as you do.  Whether you enjoy indoor or outdoor activities, Meetup has a group for everyone and if you don’t find a group that is exactly what you are looking for, you can create your own and invite your tribe to join.  Whether you are looking for someone to hike, read, meditate, or socialize your dog with, there are others looking for the same thing.
  3. Share your care.  Have you noticed how good it feels to help someone else out that might be struggling with something, whether it is a stranger that needs a little help with opening a door or a friend that might be sick? Research is discovering that empathy is part of the hard-wiring connection between humans.  So when we see someone suffering, our empathy kicks in and encourages us to express compassion to others, because it makes us feel good to help relieve the suffering of others.
  4. Ask for help.  I know this one can be tricky, but think about it for a moment.  If you feel good when you help others, then why would you not want to create an opportunity for someone else to feel good, by helping you?  I always say “Any job is easy, if you have the right tools”, so, in this case, the “right tools” might just be the members of your tribe.
  5. Commit time.  Our social culture expects that we “do more with less”, leaving us chronically multi-tasking and wishing for more than 24 hours in a day.  With so many demands on our time, we can inadvertently find ourselves spending more and more time alone, even if we tell ourselves that it is because we just need to sleep.  What the research is leading us to understand, though, is that spending time with people who make us feel supported, valued, and accepted may contribute more to our overall health than other typical suggestions such as exercise and not smoking.  So, we need to make our connections a priority on our ‘to do’ list, knowing that by doing so we are contributing not only to our own well-being, but to the well-being of our tribe!