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5 Intention-setting Ideas to Move Through Grief

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Holidays are not always the happy events portrayed in movies.  Often times they activate a mixed bag of emotions and can leave us feeling sad, angry, depressed, confused, lonely, fearful, helpless, and hopeful.  Yes, hopeful.

Hope is a human tendency of our authentic self and a universal invitation.  It is the same emotion that allows us to think this holiday season will be different, that everyone will embrace the holiday spirit and bring forward their best selves.

Yet holidays are often a reminder of the things we have lost, whether loved ones, the possibilities of a life not lived or world peace.  With the current world events creating a ripple effect that spreads shock, fear and grief, it’s important to recognize that holidays can be a challenging time for most of us for different reasons.

Therefore, below are some ideas for moving through grief that might arise during the holiday season:

  1. Acknowledge the loss.   Sometimes we recognize the feelings, yet try to ignore them, especially if it is not clear why we are feeling them.  Consider taking some time out to identify any losses you may have experienced.  This can include the loss of a job, a relationship, a pet, a cherished dream, your health, safety, or selling your home.  It could also be something that culturally has been celebrated in the past, such as graduating from high school or college, changing jobs, moving away from home to a dream location, and retirement.
  2. Acknowledge the pain.  If you sense the emotions coming up and you are able to identify the loss or losses, acknowledge and allow the pain to be present.  Ignoring it will only create more challenges down the road.  Experiencing pain is the normal, natural human response to the loss of something meaningful to us.  And the only way to heal the pain is through it.  There is not a way around it.  So consider creating a space, place and/or time to sit with the pain and honor the loss.
  3. Accept all emotions.  There is no right or wrong way to grieve and it is important to know that the experience can bring up different, and sometimes surprising emotions, such as relief.  Consider releasing any expectation (aka myths) around grieving and don’t listen to someone trying to tell you how you feel or should feel at any point through the journey.  Each path through loss is unique and cannot be compared to another’s.
  4. Slow down.  The stress that comes with a loss will deplete your energy and it is important to recognize this experience.  Accepting that the desire “to do” will not be burning so brightly as you travel through your grief creates space for simply being.  Consider giving yourself permission to put off what does not need to be done at this time.  Or perhaps asking someone else to take something off your “to do” list.
  5. Ramp up self care.  It will be important for you to prioritize your physical care, including sleeping, eating, and exercising.   Maintaining your routines as much as possible brings emotional and mental comfort and temporary relief, creating space for healing.  Consider spending additional time in those spaces that bring you happiness and joy.  Doing so does not invalidate or ignore your grief and, instead, increases your resiliency by allowing all emotions to co-exist.

5 Intention-setting Ideas to Transform Your Life!

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Say ‘YES’ to you!

Saying ‘No’ to others can create an internal conflict as it challenges cultural messages that encourages and rewards our external focus.  Many of us received conflicting messages as we grew up, such as that we ‘should’ help others or we will be seen as callous but if we ask for help we will be seen as weak or perhaps dependent in a culture that promotes independence as an ideal.  Another conflicting message that we might grapple with inside is when people compliment you as big hearted when taking care of others but denigrate you as selfish if you take care of yourself.  Such conflicting messages can hold us in a space that is ripe for symptoms of anxiety and depression to grow.

It might appear to be contradictory, yet I have learned that saying ‘no’ is actually quite freeing.  It actually was a significant step in transforming my life!

Learning to embrace what is most meaningful to you will not only transform your life, but will contribute to the transformation of the world!  And saying ‘Yes’ to what is most meaningful to you (and saying ‘No’ to others) is not selfish, it is SELF-CARE!

Instead of feeling like you have no control over your life and that you are moving through the world at the beck and call of others, focusing on what matters the most to you and saying no to anything that does not align with that vision will create space to transform your life into one of presence and peace.

I know it can be scary to imagine saying ‘No’ to others, especially to those that we love, so below are some ideas to motivate you to take some small steps forward on your journey of transformation:

  1. Create Space.   When we are programmed to say ‘yes’ to any and all requests made of us, it creates a great deal of pressure to multi-task more, dividing our attention into smaller and smaller pieces that get difficult to juggle.  We overcommit and move into a space of fear of disappointing others when we cannot continue to meet all of those obligations.  We find ourselves always busy, yet unable to be fully present for anything.  We might feel like we are constantly running on a treadmill, not sure if we are heading in a positive direction or just running in circles.  Consider the most recent time you said ‘yes’ to something that you really didn’t want to do.  Reflect on how much time that commitment took to complete, time that you might have done something different.  What would you have done differently in that time that would have felt more fulfilling to you?  When we are able to say ‘no’ to requests that don’t align with our values and passions, we create space to engage with our unique gifts that bring joy to the world through bringing more joy to us!
  2. Reduce Burnout.  When we begin to extract ourselves from the pattern of overcommitting ourselves to others, we reduce the number of times we find ourselves in a double bind.  The double bind of choosing others over choosing ourselves creates an internal stress that simmers below the surface constantly.  That internal stress continues to build over time and creates inflammation in the mind and body.  Eventually, that stress and inflammation presents itself as dis-ease or illness.  Consider for a moment how you might recognize when your mind or body asks for a break.  Do you listen to it or do you dismiss it?  If you are unable to recognize when the mind and/or body ask for a break or you do, but you dismiss it on a regular basis, your body will eventually starts to show signs of it breaking down that can no longer be ignored.  It is inevitable, because we are not superheroes.  We are human beings with limitations and that’s okay!  If you begin to reduce those ‘double bind’ spaces by saying ‘no’ to those things that drain you, you are reducing your risk of burnout and future health challenges.
  3. Deepen Relationships.  Take a moment to think about a time when you felt fully seen, heard and known.  It is in those moments that presence enveloped the connection in your relationship.  The greatest gift we can give others it our presence, yet being overcommitted challenges our ability to be present.  As human beings, we thrive in healthy relationships that prioritize presence through time, attention and attunement.  With this knowledge, we need to accept that our time and attention are limited and, with that acceptance, begin to take steps towards tuning into our own needs and deepening the relationship with ourselves.  From there, it is easier to identify those healthy relationships in our lives, where if we say ‘no’ it will be respected and recognized as an honest response.  Consider practicing saying ‘no’ in one of your healthy relationships to observe their acknowledgement of your response.  Perhaps your response might sound something like “I’m not able to connect with you in this way at this time as it would not allow me the space to be fully present with you, which is what I want to give you because you are so important to me.”
  4. Expand Respect.  I would anticipate that most people value respect and want to be respected.  In order to command respect, it requires us to respect ourselves first.  If we don’t respect our time and boundaries, by saying ‘yes’ to all requests, then others learn to not respect our time and boundaries.  Consider any beliefs you might hold that guide you to respect others by accommodating all requests, yet prevent you from accommodating requests that fulfill you.  Is there a subconscious belief that if you say ‘no’ to others it is rude or disrespectful?  If so, you can begin to challenge that belief by recognizing that always saying ‘yes’ informs others that your time and boundaries are open to be intruded upon.
  5. Find Balance.  Many ancient cultures promote balance as one of the most important core values to hold.  They point to nature as a reflection of that core value, highlighing how nature is perfectly balanced and, as such, is able to bend, rather than break.  Perhaps take some time to sit with and reflect on such a core value.  Does it resonate with you?  Does it call to you?  Focusing on what matters most to you, getting aligned with and living by your core values, brings balance.  When we feel overwhelmed due to being constantly overcommitted, it is THE red flag of being out of balance.  Learning to say ‘no’ is the first step you can take to invite more balance into your life, fostering an environment ripe for well-being that is reflected in your mental, physical and emotional health!

5 Intention-setting Ideas to Invite Engagement Back

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Mother Earth has begun to show signs of rebirth as the season of Spring is upon us!  It is the time of year where many of us start to feel more energized as we emerge from the darkness and slumber of winter.  However, if you are not having the same sense of energy and motivation bubbling up from the inside, it might be due to burnout.

It has been believed that burnout is caused by an imbalance in our work/life experiences and inadequate self-care.  Well, these circumstances can certainly aggravate and exacerbate the path of burnout, but new research indicates this phenomenon originates from a deeper well source.

If you think you might be experiencing the symptoms of burnout, or if you know someone that is struggling in this space, below are some intention setting ideas to begin to move into a healthier living and working space.

  1. Burnout or Moral Injury?  The World Health Organization (WHO) added a definition of burnout in the International Classification of Diseases, 10th Revision in 2013, well before the pandemic, and added a more detailed definition in the 11th revision in 2019.  The pandemic provided the perfect storm to advance the research on the underlying causes of burnout on the job, specifically the ‘double binds’ that create toxic environments ripe with opportunities to cause moral injuries.  Consider inviting your curious part to delve a bit deeper into learning more about this mental health pandemic.
  2. Do I Have It?  If you have been wondering if you might be experiencing the burnout symptoms of repeated moral injuries, perhaps take one of the online tests to assess yourself.  For those who work in a service industry, this test might be best.    For those who work in a non-service field, this test might be a better option.
  3. Where Is It?  Burnout is most often identified in the work environment.  However, it can also occur from life demands beyond our careers.  The pandemic did many things, including bringing to light the ‘double-binds’ organizations put their employees in, creating moral dilemmas and injuries.  The research that is emerging from this light is that burnout and moral injury are overlapping constructs.  This information is moving the responsibility for burnout away from the individual and onto organizations.  So, perhaps, to normalize and validate your personal experience with burnout at work, take a look at some of this research from eClinicalMedicine, and McKinsey Health Institute.
  4. Who’s Responsible for It?  An organization’s culture can either be healthy or toxic.  In 2019, prior to the pandemic, the Harvard Business Review published an article on shifting the responsibility for managing burnout away from the individual and towards the organization, encouraging employers to clean up the toxicity in the workplace.  If you hold an influential position within your company, or have a receptive boss, perhaps consider reading and then sharing this article to spread the word and advocating for change.
  5. What Can I Do?  Change starts with awareness and begins to gain momentum with a deeper understanding.  Treating the underlying cause of burnout – moral injury – starts with identifying the ‘double binds’ you are dealing with on a daily basis, whether at work or in your life.  The next step is to communicate those ‘double binds’ to others that might be in the same position and to those that are engaged in the creation of the environment.  Uniting with others that struggle with the same ‘double binds’ for support, camaraderie, mentorship, and activism is a vital part of creating change as well as opening lines of communication with those who have the power to enact change.  When we are able to effectively communicate the challenge (i.e., share the research) so others can truly feel the impact of the moral injury being created, we open up space for empathy.  It is in that space of empathy where mutual understanding and change blossom!.

5 Intention-setting Ideas to Cultivate Compassion

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More and more research is suggesting that compassion is the antidote to what ails us as humans, both individually and on a larger societal level.  So, if the answer is simple (yet perhaps not so easy), how might we contribute to the healing of the world that has such a compassion-deficit at this time?

We must first acknowledge that as humans, we experience fear and pain, which open the door to suffering.  Whether the fear and pain are experienced physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and/or spiritually, they cannot be avoided.  It is part of the human condition.  Suffering, on the other hand, is something that can be avoided.  Suffering is a response – or choice – to the fear and pain.  The practice of compassion has been shown to trigger the release of oxytocin, often referred to as the happy hormone.  Any increase in happiness reduces the experience of suffering.

Next, we must consciously tap into our heart space and exercise our compassion muscles to keep them active and strong.  Therefore, below I provide intention-setting ideas to help support the cultivation of compassion in your own life, so that you can spread the happiness around.  I hope you will consider trying one!

  1. Practice a loving kindness meditation.  With the expanding research base around the health benefits of compassion, many sites offer loving kindness or compassion meditations.  Simply set an intention to establish a regular practice of finding yourself in a space of comfort and quiet and listen to one.  When listening at first, it might seem awkward or unnatural, especially when offering yourself compassion.  However, remember that it is a practice and, with time, the effects begin to show up in your everyday interactions.  Don’t give up!
  2. Soften judgment.  The natural human survival instinct creates judgment.  Therefore, it takes work to transform judgment into discernment.  Judgment grows from a perceived power differential.  It is unconscious and reactive.  Judgment is a reaction from fear, insecurity, jealousy or ignorance.  On the other hand, discernment grows from a conscious and more thoughtful garden, where the seeds of clear perception and insight grow.  The flowers that bloom guide us to distinguish what is appropriate and inappropriate, healthy and unhealthy and the choices we make are not only good for us, but often for the good of others.  Through the clear perception of discernment, we can make good choices without having to label ourselves as better (or worse) than anyone else.  So consider the next time you catch yourself making a judgment (He’s such a jerk!), reflecting on a time when you too may have acted in a similar manner.  Sit with the experience and see if you are able to identify why you acted that way.  Was it out of fear or insecurity?  Or something else?  The more conscious you can make the unconscious motivations behind our judgments, the softer they become, opening the doors wide to compassion for others that are suffering, as well as for ourselves.
  3. Listen deeply.  Listening to others deeply is a tool that opens the gate to compassion.  When you allow someone to be fully heard, without interrupting or planning a response, you create a sacred space for them to truly witness themselves, perhaps for the first time.  Most of us, when engaging with others, allow our unconscious, reactive judgment (see above) lead us in the conversation, jumping to a solution to fix what ails the other; however, that simply implies that something is broken (or even that they are broken), often putting them on the defensive and perhaps even shutting down the conversation.  When we listen deeply, we begin to see ourselves in the other, recognizing the common pain we all experience as humans.  When we are able to hear our common humanity, with all of its limitations, we are more easily able to lean into the softness of compassion.  Consider trying this the next time a friend calls and is suffering.  Challenge yourself to simply sit with the suffering and perhaps acknowledge the pain by saying something like “Wow, that sounds really painful.” without offering any fixes and watch what unfolds.
  4. Heal your trauma.  As the majority of the world has experienced trauma of some sort or another, most of us have some work to do in this area.  Be open to the idea of allowing your warrior part to guide you on the journey to discover the parts of yourself that have been shut down or out, allowing them to have some conscious air time to express their need to feel connected.  Until we heal our own internal conflicts from our past traumas, we are likely to hurt others, even if unconsciously or unintentionally.  This work can be hard, yet amazingly beautiful.  So if you might want some support, perhaps consider reaching out to a spiritual or life coach or therapist.  Through this work, we invite compassion for those parts of ourselves that carry the burden of our past traumas, like we would offer compassion to another.
  5. Practice radical self-care.  So many of us were taught that if we take care of ourselves first or prioritize our needs over others, we are selfish.  I’m here to debunk that myth!  It is my experience that most of us don’t even know what are needs are because we are in a mind set of taking care of the needs of others.  What happens if we don’t identify our needs and focus instead only on the needs of others?  We become exhausted, irritable, anxious or shut-down.  We have a responsibility to take care of ourselves first if we truly want to take care of others.  When we experience powerful negative emotions, it is typically a sign that our needs are not being honored.  Therefore, I recommend exploring and identifying your needs as the first radical self-care step.  Or perhaps consider looking up the definitions of selfish and self-care to gain a better awareness of the differences.  When you are able to understand that you can be thoughtful of others AND prioritize your needs first, you are paving the road for compassion to replace fear in your heart!

As always, if you try any of these intention-setting ideas for holistic health, I would love to hear about the impact they might have had for you.  Please send me an email at linda@sanctuary4compassion.com to share!

5 Intention-setting Ideas to Spread Hope

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National Month of Hope

At the time of this writing, most of the country has been instructed to follow physical distancing guidelines and/or an order to “stay-at-home” to battle the unprecedented spread of the COVID-19 virus.  Although such mandated imposed physical isolation guidelines may be critical to the physical safety and health of many during such a pandemic, it is wrecking havoc on the mental health and well-being of all of us.As humans, we all have a basic need for connection, as connections have been essential for survival historically.  We also have a need for meaning in our lives, having a purpose or reason to get us up in the morning and move us forward, no matter what chaos may be swirling around us.  Some of these basic human needs are being challenged right now.

So, I thought it might be helpful at this time to highlight the fact that April is the National Month of Hope and offer some intention-setting ideas to spread hope.  At some level, I don’t think the timing of these two events is ironic.  Mother Nature has always been the great equalizer and demands our respect.  It seems that when there is an extended period of a lack of respect, she stirs something up to create a global shift to wake us all up!

Now, more than ever, might be a time to re-invite such respect into our lives as it can be a powerful guide to our ever evolving purpose and subsequent behaviors.  Perhaps we might recommit ourselves to such purposes as a healthier world, a more diverse, interconnected community, or a more just society that works towards reducing the suffering of others.  When we are able to clearly define our purpose, it brings hope as it can anchor and steer us in establishing and working toward goals that bring more meaning to our lives.

In addition, there has been much research on the impact of connection, purpose, meaning and hope on our health and well-being.  Hope is the spark that ignites our internal fire, while having a purpose that brings deeper connection and meaning is the gentle breeze that fans the flames of that fire, keeping our light vibrant and bright.  Hope keeps the collective light on during the dark times of such a global shift.  So, what can we do to spread hope now to increase the current of connective energy needed to move us through these dark moments in time?  Below are some intention-setting ideas to try this month:

  1. Use Social Media.  Consider setting an intention to post words of hope on your social media outlet of choice.  Perhaps challenge yourself to see if you can do so for the next 30 days. Or you might share a personal story when you overcame a difficult time, providing a source of inspiration to others that might be experiencing an increased sense of fear and anxiety at this time.
  2. Write Cards or Letters to Loved Ones.  If you are not a big social media user (like me!), perhaps set an intention to write a card or letter containing words of hope to someone you care about that you are unable to see in person at this time.  Personal, heart-felt written words may provide a longer-lasting effect, as they are a more tangible representation of your connection, that is available to be read again anytime that person might need a reminder that they are not alone.
  3. Reach Out to Keep Others Informed.  Stress can tend to make us focus on the negative and fear can make us withdraw even more from the world.  The simple act of reaching out to someone to keep them informed signals to them that they are important to you, that they are not alone, and provides you with an opportunity to express your concern for their well-being.  Even if the information may be considered negative, the act of sharing it demonstrates that you are not only thinking about yourself, but are thinking of them.  During this time, if you come across some news that brought you a sense of hope, consider sharing it with others in order to remind them that not all hope is lost and this too shall pass.
  4. Contribute Kindness and Encouragement.  Say “thank you” often.  We are being asked to rely more on virtual communication at this time to stay connected, so consider setting an intention to demonstrate the power of a sincere ‘thank you’ in each connection you make.  Feeling heard and valued by others can bring comfort when we are feeling unsettled, lonely or scared.  Hearing words of appreciation encourages us to continue what we are doing and reinforces our sense of purpose, inviting hope (Helping Others by Providing Encouragement), acceptance and meaning.
  5. Take Care of Yourself.  The world needs us at our best right now, which demands us to step up our self-care efforts.  Taking care of ourselves empowers others to do the same.  Because many of our sources for connection and well-being are closed right now, consider returning to the basics of health and well-being, which includes sleep, eating healthy, exercising the body and mind, and deep breathing.  When you take deep breaths, it facilitates the reduction of negative stress chemicals in the body and supports an increase in the positive ones the invite calmness into your entire system.  From the emotional shift that is a result of your own deep breathing, you are in a better position to help others who might need some support in making that same emotional shift.  So, if you are one of the many of us that struggle to prioritize our self-care, perhaps set an intention to spend some time reflecting on what self-care means to you.  Unfortunately, many of us were taught to think that self-care is selfish.  However, as the airlines inform us during each flight’s physical safety instructions, we must put on our own oxygen mask first, before helping others to ensure we are available to help others.  So, when you are able to maintain your own health (emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical), it is much easier to support and spread hope to others!

As always, if you try any of these intention-setting ideas for holistic health, I would love to hear about the impact they might have had for you.  Please send me an email at linda@sanctuary4compassion.com to share!

5 Intention-setting Ideas for Self-care in Chaotic Times

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It is so difficult to not be affected by what is happening in the world, especially when we are deeply aware of how interdependent and connected we all are.  We can feel small, scared, overwhelmed and helpless in such times of chaos.  We might think to ourselves “What can I do, I am only one person and this is so much more than I can fix by myself.”  Yet action, even the smallest of steps, is the antidote to such feelings and supports the flow of love and healing back out into the world!

One of the quotes by the Dalai Lama that might support our efforts to take some small action this month is “World peace begins with inner peace”.  September is also National Yoga Month, which might just be an ideal time to consider trying one of the intention-setting ideas for self-care to cultivate inner peace when chaos presents itself:

  1. Try something new.  If you already practice yoga, perhaps take your practice somewhere new, like outside in a park, or by a body of water.  If you typically practice by yourself, maybe consider joining a Yoga or Meditation MeetUp to sense into the powerful collective energy of such a group.  If you typically take a Vinyasa class, consider trying a different style, such as Yin or Restorative.  Maybe you have had your eye on a workshop around the new or full moons – make a step toward getting it on your calendar, whether this month or next.  If you don’t practice yoga, consider attending a Beginner’s or Gentle class, or an introduction to yoga workshop.  Yoga encompasses so much more than the shapes on the mat, so consider a group gathering that peaks your mental or spiritual interests!
  2. Share the gift of yoga.  If someone you care about is also currently struggling to connect with their core center of inner peace within, invite them along with you as you try something new.  You might frame the invite as their presence would be a great support to you to face the fear head on. Knowing you have each others’ backs can in and of itself reduce the level fear that comes with trying something new, even though we know it is good for us.
  3. Mindful minutes.  Throughout your day, consider committing to taking a mindful minute several times a day.  It does not have to be scheduled or occur at the same time each day.  Instead, perhaps having a Post-It note on your mirror or computer screen as a reminder and then, when you sense your body and/or mind tensing up, stop what your are doing for a minute.  In that minute, you can simply acknowledge the tension, place your hands in a gesture of care to yourself (e.g., right hand over your heart, Garuda mudra, Adhi mudra, Hakini mudra, etc.), and draw your awareness to your breath.  Another way to practice mindful minutes is to give what you are doing your full attention for that minute.  For example, if you are washing dishes, encourage your awareness to focus on the details of the object you are washing, such as its size, color, shape, texture and material.  Offer it your appreciation for being a part of your kitchenware and its role in nourishing your body.  Another example might be giving someone your full attention for that minute, such as when you interact with your family at the end of the day.  This one can be more challenging as we often are planning our response after the first few words.  So consider committing to only listen and releasing the attachment to the almost automatic need to comment on what they are sharing.
  4. Practice kindness.  Toward yourself!  When we experience chaos, it rattles us.  Recognizing how this manifests in yourself, whether it creates irritation, fear, anxiety, self-criticism, withdrawal, and/or dissociation, is the first step.  With this awareness, you can begin to discover techniques that help to soothe those responses, such as deep breathing, yoga Nidra, creating, reading, and/or talking with yourself as if you were your best friend.  The kindness is creating space to offer yourself those techniques.  Consider this mind bender:  If we don’t act kindly toward ourselves, how can we expect ourselves to act authentically kind to others!
  5. Plan a gathering.  Surrounding yourself with your tribe, those people that are like-hearted and lift you up, is important to remind you that you are not experiencing this chaos alone and by gathering together, we exponentially impact the collective love, compassion and intention of peace that the world so needs.  Consider a gathering dedicated to exploring the world chaos a little more directly by inviting your tribe members to share how they know the world chaos is impacting them and their ‘go to’ act of kindness to self-soothe.  Perhaps ask some of your members to guide the tribe through one of their acts of kindness or listen to a yoga Nidra practice together and talk about the change it created in the moment.  Make sure to check back in with everyone at the end of the gathering and collectively set the intention to continue to share newly discovered acts of self-kindness, facilitating the flow with love from the inside!

5 Intention-setting Ideas for Emotional Wellness

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I believe we are all feeling the heaviness of the divisive energy that we are experiencing in the world, whether we want to acknowledge it or try to pretend it doesn’t exist.  So many of us can’t wrap our minds around what is happening!  I keep reminding myself we must have destruction before construction.  The heavy, destructive energy is bringing the darkness into the light, so we can more clearly see what needs to change in order to elevate the collective consciousness.

It will require serious perseverance and energy to take back our power from whatever it is that we believe is keeping us powerless.  And, yet we don’t have to do this alone.  The past couple of years brought even more clarity to the people in my life, helping me to better discern those that I can turn to and trust to have my back, no matter what, while, at the same time, helping me to release those who I refer to as “energy vampires” that were vibrating at a different wave length.

As we experience the October new moon today (10/08/18), let it be a reminder that we are presented with another opportunity to start a new cycle, a chance to build upon what we already know.   When we experience a new moon, it is not visible from Earth as the moon steps directly between the Sun and Earth.  However, with each following day, the moon slowly begins to reveal itself again, thanks to the Sun’s reflective light.  Let this monthly lunar cycle inspire our sense of hope that there is light after the dark and that the Universe is at play here, bringing the world into a new state of balance as it continues to work toward homeostasis.

It is our growing awareness and understanding of the cycles of life and how connected we are that helps us acknowledge the impact of not only the energy of others on a more intimate level but also on a more global level.  Therefore, in honor of Emotional Wellness Month, I offer the following intention setting ideas to fan the flame of your internal light that will support your emotional wellness and help you navigate these trying times:
  1. Get more sleep.  I think most of us experience a change in how we move through the world when we have a bad night’s sleep.  One of the most important – if not the MOST important – way to support our emotional health is to ensure we get an sufficient amount of sleep each night. And when we are feeling more stress, we need even more sleep.  Lack of adequate sleep affects the brain, turning up the pressure in the parts of the brain that support the ‘flight or flght’ response and short-circuiting the connection to the parts of the brain that support awareness, compassion and gratitude, all of which are necessary for our emotional well-being.  Therefore, consider setting an intention to create space for yourself to add more time to your regular sleep schedule, following the cycle of the shorter days/longer nights that this month presents us.
  2. Gather together for meals.  When we experience overwhelming situations, we can feel alone in our pain and suffering and tend to want to withdraw from the world.  Set an intention to share as many meals this month with someone that “gets you” instead of eating alone.  Maybe include a new restaurant that you have been wanting to try one week with your best friend.  It has been shown that spending time together during meals supports overall physical, mental and emotional well-being.
  3. SLOW DOWN.  Don’t buy into the belief that we must multi-task and do more than others to be appreciated, accepted and/or worthy.  In fact, this belief supports the divisive energy that is so prevalent right now.  Set an intention to give something – better yet, someone – you care about your undivided attention for one hour and then step back to assess the impact, both on your sense of well-being as well as on the outcome of your undivided attention.  I think you will be pleasantly surprised  to discover that being fully present (AKA one-pointed focus) in your interactions with the world creates space that welcomes in peace and a sense of connection to the flow of life, that calms the mind and opens the heart.   
  4. Ground yourself through breathing.  When the world begins to push our buttons, we become more reactive, instead of responsive.  Consider setting an intention this month to make a plan to breath more consciously when you notice one of your buttons has been pushed and has turned on your internal alarm system.  One simple practice I learned and use often includes closing my eyes, visualizing my inhale coming up through the soles of my feet and traveling all the way to the crown of my head as I say to myself “I am” and then releasing a long, slow exhale (from my crown back down through the soles of my feet) as I say to myself “here grounded”.  I do that two more times, saying to myself “I am, here present” and “I am, here ready” before allowing my breath to return to a natural rhythm and open my eyes.
  5. Commit to your own self-care.  Our social culture has twisted this practice into a belief that doing self-care is selfish.  And, if it is the current state of our social culture that is supporting divisiveness, then now is the perfect time to challenge this belief!  It is mission critical to our own individual emotional health as well as that of the world to ensure we prioritize our own self-care. Otherwise, we won’t be able to provide kind and nurturing care of others, thus contributing to the vicious cycle of neglect and abuse that the light is in the process of bringing out of the darkness.  Reflect on what keeps your inner light burning brightly and consider setting an intention to embrace that self-care practice this month!

5 Intention-setting Ideas to Build Resilience

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“Every experience, no matter how bad it seems, holds within it a blessing of some kind.  The goal is to find it.” ― Buddha
We all experience challenges in our life that cause us pain, whether physical, emotional, mental, and/or spiritual. Adversity is a fact of life and part of the common human condition.  So accepting this fact might be the first step towards improving our health and well-being and reducing the suffering that accompanies the inevitable painful experiences of this life.

Research on resilience has shown that increasing our levels of resiliency correlates with improved overall health. Resilience can be defined as the ability to adapt well to change or bounce back after adversity.  Life can be hard at times, but I won’t buy into the mantra that life is hard.  If we can learn to go with the flow of life more quickly and stop banging our heads on the same wall thinking we will get a different result, we might just realize that life is full of beauty in any given moment or circumstance.

The human spirit  is quite adaptive and resilient naturally and the road to such resiliency is loaded with potholes.  It is the ongoing process of learning how to navigate the potholes of life that actually builds resiliency.    That’s the good news – we all can continue to learn new ways to build our resiliency, and thus our health, and I offer 5 practices below for your reflection and consideration:
  1. Seek the Silver Lining!.  Yoga, commonly understood to mean union, provides an alternative view of life than our culture, where independence – or being separate from others – is the goal if you want to be happy.  When you view life through the lens of being separate, it guides you to pick a side, such as I am either happy or sad. However, when you view life through a yogic lens, or take a non-dual approach, then you realize you can’t experience happiness without sadness.  And this applies to all emotions, thoughts, circumstances and experiences.  So, the next time you hit a pothole in life, let it stop you for a moment of reflection and search for the goodness – the benefit – of the situation.  If you search long and hard enough, you will always find the silver lining – and it might just be more valuable than the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!!
  2. Move Toward the Pain.  You will never be able to escape the pain, no matter how fast you run or how many things you add to your “To Do” list to distract yourself.  The only way to get to the other side of pain, is through it. If you can’t feel it, you can’t heal it.  So, once again, when you realize that you have hit a pothole in life, take a moment to get curious about the pain.  Ask yourself, what is this pain telling me or what can I learn from this pain?  Pain, and the accompanying mixed emotions, have great wisdom to offer and will revisit us often if we don’t learn to appreciate our natural emotional intelligence!
  3. Give Your Heart a Workout.  The art of giving to, and receiving from, others has been shown to build empathy, compassion and gratitude, which have been shown to reduce harmful chemicals in our bodies while increasing positive hormones and neurotransmitters, such as oxytocin and serotonin.  Giving to others does not need to be something tangible, like money or food.  You might simply set an intention to give each person you interact with during one day a silent blessing, such as “may you too find happiness” or “may you live life with joy and ease”. Then reflect at the end of the day on how your heart feels.  What may be harder for many of us is to gracefully accept the help of others when offered – receiving support is counter to our culture of independence.  But just remember how you felt after your day of offering silent blessings to everyone you met and remind yourself that you make others feel good about themselves when you accept their generosity, whether it is their time or compassionate ear.
  4. Vibe with Your Tribe.  Connect with friends and family that you know will understand what you are going through. Good relationships have been shown to increase resiliency during times of change.  If you have a tendency to isolate yourself when you experience a painful situation, know that just being in the presence of other caring and compassionate people will be the balm to soothe the soul.  If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s ok. Instead you might join a community event or find yourself in a yoga class with your favorite teacher!
  5. Perform Daily Acts of Self-care.  Being kind to yourself does not mean you are selfish or lazy.  It means you are committed to your health!  And when you are healthy, you are in a better position to bring your gifts to the world. One of the most effective daily self-care practices is to take regular mental breaks throughout the day, even if it is only a minute or two each hour.  Stopping what you are doing, closing your eyes, and taking 10 slow deep breaths allows the body and mind to process and integrate information taken in through our five senses.  If you have more time, find yourself out in nature, maybe for a short walk or a longer hike, paying attention to your surroundings and what your five senses are experiencing in the moment.  Laughter has also been shown to reduce tension, so watching a funny video or show might just be what the doctor orders!  Just set an intention to do at least one activity a day that you enjoy or that you find relaxing for one week and then reflect on how you experienced your week overall.  Let me know what you discover!