Posts

5 Intention-setting Ideas to Support Powerful Emotions

/in /by

When the United States was born in 1776 during the signing of the Declaration of Independence, Pluto, the planet of rebirth and transformation, was located at 27 degrees Capricorn.  More recently, Pluto entered Capricorn, a sign that signifies money, dominance, power, authority and ambition in late 2008 and leaves Capricorn on January 21, 2024.  Pluto reached 27 degrees Capricorn on 02/22/2022 and will do so again on July 11th and December 28th this year.  As such, many astrologers consider this the U.S.’s personal Pluto return.  A planetary return is when a planet revisits the same exact place in the sky, which for Pluto occurs around every 248 years!

Pluto represents destruction and construction and works to tear down things that are no longer working.  Anything that is occurring during this time will be asking us to pay attention to what needs to be transformed within the US and beyond, creating upheavals in the current dynamics, such as the sexist, racism, classist, homophobic, ableism, anti-Semitism, transphobic systems put in place all those years ago.  Pluto in Capricorn has removed the blinders and allowed these ugly and painful truths to be seen and felt more acutely.  It has brought down people and corporations that have refused to grow and transform.  It destroys what is no longer working and constructs new evolutionary ways, shifting ideology into a space of growth.

So what does this all have to do with our powerful emotions?  Well, with Pluto in Capricorn, the energy is working to support the growth of the world and specifically the United States.  And when there is resistance to this growth and evolution, societal upheavals are expected.  And when we as humans experience such societal upheavals, powerful emotions tend to arise.  And if we don’t tend to these powerful emotions, conflict may escalate not only externally but perhaps more importantly, internally.

Below are intention-setting ideas for you to consider to ride the collective and personal emotional waves as Pluto continues to push us on our journey of transformation and evolution:

  1. Befriend Powerful Emotions. Don’t view your emotions as the enemy as so many of us have been taught.  Powerful emotions have information to share if we can simply welcome them, instead of reject them.  For example, consider anger.  Anger’s message is often that our needs are not being met, either because they are being ignored, invalidated, dismissed, or trampled on.  Anger might be saying “I need to be seen, heard, valued, supported and/or accepted!”  Perhaps think about the last time you felt anger (dare I say rage?) and get curious about what it is trying to say to you.  What need or core value was not being honored in that moment?  Gaining clarity around your needs, and how anger attempts to protect those needs, begins to soothe this powerful emotion as if feels heard and valued (by you!).
  2. Release Control!.  We have also been taught that we can control our emotions.  Unfortunately, this lesson has created a belief that leads many of us to disassociate, to cut off all connection between between our logical and emotional intelligence.  However, under such conditions, powerful emotions tend to show up when least expected or wanted, because they will only be ignored for awhile.  Perhaps think about how you might regulate or balance your emotions, not control them.  For example, when we experience loss, sadness is a normal, natural human response and requires expression.  If we repress it, thinking we can control it, it will shift into the space of depression.
  3. Accept ALL Emotions.  Powerful emotions are not bad, they are human. Another step in regulating or balancing emotions is to accept all of them and honor that they are what make us human.  Take guilt as an example.  Most of us don’t like feeling guilt as it is uncomfortable.  However, what if we accepted guilt as a guide, the primary emotion that keeps us connected to our authentic self.  Perhaps consider thinking of guilt as a guide, not viewing it as a punishment making us suffer for a mistake we made.  As humans, we make mistakes.  That is a necessary part of learning.  So, when we begin to veer too far away from our authentic self and behave in a way that elicits guilt, thank guilt for being the guard rails to our journey, instead of beating yourself up as you learn along the way.
  4. FACE Fear.  If we don’t embrace our deepest fear, it will always be in the driver seat of our lives.  This is not a conscious decision, but a reality.  Embracing our deepest fear doesn’t mean we are turning the steering wheel over to it.  Instead, it invites in compassion and encourages fear to loosen its grip on the wheel.  To FACE your biggest fear allows space for us to engage in a dialog with it and honor how it too protects us.  Consider trying the following:
    • Foster an internal and external environment where awareness, understanding and choice can grow.
    • Act even when experiencing fear, even in the smallest of ways, as action reduces fear and builds strength and resiliency.
    • Create a current vision that comforts and sooths fear, whether in your mind to visit or perhaps a drawing or picture to look at frequently.
    • Express a mantra that challenges the fear, perhaps “This fear might be real, but it is not true right now!”
  5. Give Shame Back.  Somewhere along our journey, usually when we were very young, we internalized a message that we were bad or inadequate in some way.  Shame believes it is being protective, keeping you from connecting to others in order to avoid further hurt and humiliation.  In actuality, it is keeping you from accepting yourself and connecting with your authentic being.  Shame needs to be given back to the person that gave it to you, is not yours to keep!  Shame is like a hot potato that if we don’t give it back, we continue to pass it around to others, to try and make ourselves feel better.  The shortest route to feeling better is to shine the light on shame, give it air to breath so it can die on the vine.  Shame is like toxic mold.  Once mold sees the light and feels the dry air, it withers and dies.  Shame is probably one of the most powerful emotions keeping us small, so perhaps consider seeking the support of a trusted friend or professional counselor to support you in shining the light on the roots of any shame you are carrying under Pluto’s return, so it can be destroyed once and for all.

As always, if you try any of these intention-setting ideas for holistic health, I would love to hear about the impact they might have had for you.  Please send me an email at linda@sanctuary4compassion.com to share!

Can practicing self-compassion reduce shame?

/in /by

I describe shame as that toxic, black mold that grows in dark, damp places that can make you sick when you don’t even know it is there.  In order to get healthy, first we must become aware of the mold’s existence and then we need to invite air and light into the space, because mold can’t survive in the light.  It is the same with shame.  Shame on the surface functions as an internal regulator to discourage us from violating moral and social norms.  However, when small seeds of shame are planted, especially when we are children, it grows just like toxic mold, creating a very unhealthy internal state of being.  From these toxic seeds of shame grow weeds, such as feelings of ‘less than’ and thoughts of ‘not being good enough’.   What if there was a simple internal cleaning solution that could eliminate that toxic shame?  Well, research on self-compassion is becoming the light that is needed to kill off those weeds at their very roots!

When I was little I had a lot of things happening to me that brought shame, including my parents getting divorced and being poor due to being raised by a single mother.  With no money to spare, we found ourselves pulling things out of the Good Will bins, instead of putting things into them, so often our clothes did not fit right (I remember high-water pants before they were a fashion item).  In such a vulnerable place, my mom was taken advantage of by men and I witnessed domestic violence.  These types of circumstances were out of my control, but that didn’t stop the seeds of mold from taking hold and sprouting nasty weeks.  And those weeds, always present, drove my behaviors for many years.

Finally, when my body began to show signs of disease, I realized I needed to change something.  With the help of a good therapist, I was able to gain insight into how traumatizing those events were to a child and how the shame guided my behavioral responses, such as trying to be perfect all of the time and taking responsibility for ‘out-of-scope’ tasks and events.  Add my people-pleasing part and I had the trifecta for anxiety, exhaustion, depression and many other symptoms of trauma.

When I was able to offer myself the same compassion I would offer others that were experiencing some sort of suffering, I began to feel a sense of relief.  My thoughts changed from ‘What is wrong with you’ to ‘What happened to you’.  And I was finally able to move into a space of understanding, opening the door to choice when it came to how I wanted to act in this world.  Offering myself compassion by shining light on the toxic mold of shame opened the door to true peace of mind.  Cultivating compassion has been shown to reduce the negative chemicals (e.g., cortisol, etc.) and increase the positive ones (e.g., oxytocin, etc.) in the brain.  And with this data, new models of therapy are emerging within the field of trauma-informed care.  One of the most recent and promising ones, Somatic Self-Compassion® training is a trauma-informed self-compassion training that was designed to combine interoception (how we feel on the inside) and sensory modulation (adaptive responses to external changes) in order to teach individuals more effective coping with current and past stress.

One of the most recent feasibility research studies utilizing Somatic Self-Compassion® included shame as a variable to better understand how stress, shame and self-compassion might be related.  What this study showed was that combining trauma-informed care with the increased focus on somatic/body intelligence (i.e., interoception and sensory modulation) reduces shame, including body shame and that such training would be a good fit for trauma survivors.

To read the full study, click on the link below:

Self-compassion Reduces Stress and Shame

Tame Your Dragon with Compassion-focused Therapy (CFT)!

/in /by

Do you sense that you are your own worst enemy?  Is your inner critic’s voice loud and obnoxious on most days?  Are you challenged to accept your flaws as a human being?  Do you find yourself berating yourself when you make a mistake?  Is most of your energy and time spent on trying to be perfect in order to avoid making such mistakes?  Well, you are not alone and Compassion-focused Therapy (CFT) might be the prescription that the doctor orders!

Talk therapy, or psychotherapy, can take many forms, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Emotionally-focused Therapy (EFT), and Narrative Therapy, and Compassion-focused Therapy (CFT) is one of the newer kids on the block.  However, the research is very promising and CFT is making a name for itself within the field of psychotherapy!  It evolved as an approach to healing for people experiencing high shame and self-criticism that creates mental health challenges, such as anxiety, depression, and addictive, impulsive behaviors.  And, having been a perfectionist in the past that suffered from anxiety growing up in an environment born from chaos, I can personally attest to the peace that comes from quieting the inner critic and accepting my imperfections as a normal, natural state as a spiritual being having a human experience.

So if you are tired of trying to be perfect (whatever that is?!?) and feeling like a failure when you make mistakes, all hope is not lost.  If you are thinking that you might need some help in challenging the shame that your inner critic brings up, then you might seek out support from someone that will work with you to expand your ability to experience compassion through CFT.  As a psychotherapist that looks through such a compassionate lens, it has been my experience that it will feel awkward at first because it is something new and different.  Yet, it is exactly that feeling that indicates there is much room for growth and healing through compassion.

Although I have not done any research of my own, I can personally attest to the shift I have experienced as well as the shifts I have seen in my clients when our hearts began to open to the idea of our common humanity through compassion.  For those of you that need a little more evidence, click on the link below to read a review that summarizes the findings of research where CFT has improved the mental health in clinical populations:

Effectiveness of Compassion-Focused Therapy