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5 Intention-setting Ideas to Transform Your Life!

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Say ‘YES’ to you!

Saying ‘No’ to others can create an internal conflict as it challenges cultural messages that encourages and rewards our external focus.  Many of us received conflicting messages as we grew up, such as that we ‘should’ help others or we will be seen as callous but if we ask for help we will be seen as weak or perhaps dependent in a culture that promotes independence as an ideal.  Another conflicting message that we might grapple with inside is when people compliment you as big hearted when taking care of others but denigrate you as selfish if you take care of yourself.  Such conflicting messages can hold us in a space that is ripe for symptoms of anxiety and depression to grow.

It might appear to be contradictory, yet I have learned that saying ‘no’ is actually quite freeing.  It actually was a significant step in transforming my life!

Learning to embrace what is most meaningful to you will not only transform your life, but will contribute to the transformation of the world!  And saying ‘Yes’ to what is most meaningful to you (and saying ‘No’ to others) is not selfish, it is SELF-CARE!

Instead of feeling like you have no control over your life and that you are moving through the world at the beck and call of others, focusing on what matters the most to you and saying no to anything that does not align with that vision will create space to transform your life into one of presence and peace.

I know it can be scary to imagine saying ‘No’ to others, especially to those that we love, so below are some ideas to motivate you to take some small steps forward on your journey of transformation:

  1. Create Space.   When we are programmed to say ‘yes’ to any and all requests made of us, it creates a great deal of pressure to multi-task more, dividing our attention into smaller and smaller pieces that get difficult to juggle.  We overcommit and move into a space of fear of disappointing others when we cannot continue to meet all of those obligations.  We find ourselves always busy, yet unable to be fully present for anything.  We might feel like we are constantly running on a treadmill, not sure if we are heading in a positive direction or just running in circles.  Consider the most recent time you said ‘yes’ to something that you really didn’t want to do.  Reflect on how much time that commitment took to complete, time that you might have done something different.  What would you have done differently in that time that would have felt more fulfilling to you?  When we are able to say ‘no’ to requests that don’t align with our values and passions, we create space to engage with our unique gifts that bring joy to the world through bringing more joy to us!
  2. Reduce Burnout.  When we begin to extract ourselves from the pattern of overcommitting ourselves to others, we reduce the number of times we find ourselves in a double bind.  The double bind of choosing others over choosing ourselves creates an internal stress that simmers below the surface constantly.  That internal stress continues to build over time and creates inflammation in the mind and body.  Eventually, that stress and inflammation presents itself as dis-ease or illness.  Consider for a moment how you might recognize when your mind or body asks for a break.  Do you listen to it or do you dismiss it?  If you are unable to recognize when the mind and/or body ask for a break or you do, but you dismiss it on a regular basis, your body will eventually starts to show signs of it breaking down that can no longer be ignored.  It is inevitable, because we are not superheroes.  We are human beings with limitations and that’s okay!  If you begin to reduce those ‘double bind’ spaces by saying ‘no’ to those things that drain you, you are reducing your risk of burnout and future health challenges.
  3. Deepen Relationships.  Take a moment to think about a time when you felt fully seen, heard and known.  It is in those moments that presence enveloped the connection in your relationship.  The greatest gift we can give others it our presence, yet being overcommitted challenges our ability to be present.  As human beings, we thrive in healthy relationships that prioritize presence through time, attention and attunement.  With this knowledge, we need to accept that our time and attention are limited and, with that acceptance, begin to take steps towards tuning into our own needs and deepening the relationship with ourselves.  From there, it is easier to identify those healthy relationships in our lives, where if we say ‘no’ it will be respected and recognized as an honest response.  Consider practicing saying ‘no’ in one of your healthy relationships to observe their acknowledgement of your response.  Perhaps your response might sound something like “I’m not able to connect with you in this way at this time as it would not allow me the space to be fully present with you, which is what I want to give you because you are so important to me.”
  4. Expand Respect.  I would anticipate that most people value respect and want to be respected.  In order to command respect, it requires us to respect ourselves first.  If we don’t respect our time and boundaries, by saying ‘yes’ to all requests, then others learn to not respect our time and boundaries.  Consider any beliefs you might hold that guide you to respect others by accommodating all requests, yet prevent you from accommodating requests that fulfill you.  Is there a subconscious belief that if you say ‘no’ to others it is rude or disrespectful?  If so, you can begin to challenge that belief by recognizing that always saying ‘yes’ informs others that your time and boundaries are open to be intruded upon.
  5. Find Balance.  Many ancient cultures promote balance as one of the most important core values to hold.  They point to nature as a reflection of that core value, highlighing how nature is perfectly balanced and, as such, is able to bend, rather than break.  Perhaps take some time to sit with and reflect on such a core value.  Does it resonate with you?  Does it call to you?  Focusing on what matters most to you, getting aligned with and living by your core values, brings balance.  When we feel overwhelmed due to being constantly overcommitted, it is THE red flag of being out of balance.  Learning to say ‘no’ is the first step you can take to invite more balance into your life, fostering an environment ripe for well-being that is reflected in your mental, physical and emotional health!

5 Intention-setting Ideas for Navigating Times of Transition and Transformation

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“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” ― Socrates

Change can happen all of a sudden or it can creep up on us without truly recognizing it as such!  Either way, change often brings fear into our hearts.  Humans are creatures of habit and comfort so we naturally tend to resist anything that might impact the familiar flows we have created in our lives, sometimes even when those habits are uncomfortable.

And I think most of us will agree that sometimes our habits can begin to feel stale, dare I say boring!  It is when we consciously become aware of those habits that have us feeling a little stuck in life, that we begin to open ourselves up to change, even welcoming it.

So how might we work with something that might both strike fear in our hearts and invoke feelings of excitement at the same time?  A good starting place might be to acknowledge that fear and excitement feel very similar physiologically in our bodies.  Consider a moment where you felt fear and excitement, maybe while waiting in line for a roller coaster ride or a scary movie, or your first day of school – whether it was kindergarten or college, or the day you and your significant other learned that you were expecting your first child.  Can you sense your heart rate increasing, your breath getting more shallow, the butterflies moving around in the belly, and the pent-up energy needing expression as you consider those moments?

So, to help tilt the scales away from fear and more towards excitement during such times of change and growth, below I offer intention-setting ideas that might help you navigate such transitions in your life with more ease and excitement:

  1. Embrace impermanence.  Evolution and transformation require change.  That’s both the good – and bad – news:  change is inevitable.  It is truly the one thing that we can count on.  So when our bodies signal that it is moving into the grip of fear, a helpful Mantra that you might keep handy is “This too shall pass”, reminding us that change in the moment is neither bad nor good, yet is moving the collective consciousness towards transformation where it is most needed for our ultimate evolution.
  2. Ground through asana.  Sensing the pent-up energy that needs expression when we feel fear and excitement, offer the body some specific yoga poses (asanas) to give direction to that energy.  Consider Mountain (Tadasana), Warrior (Virabhadrasana), or Goddess (Utkata Koneasana) pose as a way to ground our energy into the earth and tune into the natural rhythms of life reflected through nature.
  3. Calm through pranayama.  Pranayama is the practice of bringing control to your breath, ensuring that your life force energy – prana – is able to flow into the body.  When change comes upon us suddenly, it can often times feel overwhelming to the mind and body, narrowing our attention and shutting down the connection to the parts of our brain that assist with decision-making as well as tightening the muscles in the body, including the diaphragm, the primary skeletal muscle responsible for the process of respiration.  Therefore, if we can consciously turn our attention to our breath during times of transition, it will help to relieve the tension in the muscles, including turning the connections back on in the brain, opening the windows to the unlimited possibilities change can bring.  Try simply closing your eyes and bringing your next breath in through the nose on a slow count of four and release the breath through the nose on that same slow count of four.  Repeat that breath pattern two more times, feeling how the in-breath creates a sense of expansion in the torso and the out-breath creates a sense of release.  Adding this conscious lengthening of the breath to the above Mantra (This too will pass) supports the body-mind connection while riding the waves of change.
  4. Turn to the guru inside.  The Sanskrit term Svadhyaya translates to ‘self-study’ and it is one of the basic tenets of a yoga practice as well as talk therapy.  Through this practice, we learn what it is we believe, think, and need and why.  Without such awareness, we position ourselves to be at the mercy of the changes we experience. Perhaps adding this practice through journaling to those moments after pranayama and mantra, so you can gain more clarity around the changes that you want to make in your life, thus becoming a co-creator of your heart’s desire.  You will be wonderfully surprised how cooperative the Universe is!
  5. Meditate through uncertainty.  When we are sensing we want to make a change yet we are feeling indecisive around the new direction we might want to take, I encourage you to lean into the uncertainty by inviting it to sit with you for awhile.  Instead of trying to distract yourself or seeking advice from others, perhaps find a place where you can sit quietly for 5-10 minutes, allowing the body to find some comfort, and let the mind focus on the uncertainty.  You might spend the first few minutes practicing your pranayama to release some of the tightness in the body and mind.  Then simply notice what comes up in the mind, without judging, dismissing or discounting, allowing all possibilities to float into your awareness.  What you may begin to notice is how the body responds to some of the possibilities.  Certain options might create a sense of restriction somewhere and others might create a sense of relaxation.  You may not gain immediate clarity with all of the details, yet perhaps what you will sense is an inclination towards one of the possibilities.  Taking any small step toward that inclination will bring even more light to the direction of change, with course-correction opportunities too!

5 Intention-setting Ideas to Increase Your Sense of Lightness of Being

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“Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion. – Buddha
Last week, on a day when southern California experienced a rare, heavy winter rainfall, a dear friend and colleague and I were scheduled to gather to collaborate on our co-creations for the new year when she came across a beautiful butterfly in her path that was unable to fly due to wet wings.  She stopped to help it relocate somewhere dry and it welcomed her support.  It stayed with her, almost not wanting to leave the warm jacket upon which it found itself and I was able to capture the image – see below!

I think we both immediately knew it was a blessing being delivered to us in support of our efforts to help empower, elevate, and enlighten others in light of the fact that these butterflies typically don’t fly on cloudy days, none-the-less on rainy days!

Butterflies symbolize the soul in many world cultures.  This animal totem is most often associated with transformation and rebirth, while other associations include endurance, hope, renewal, life, and lightness of being.  It is this last association that shifted something for me in that moment and encouraged me to share the following intention-setting ideas to help you shake free from whatever it is that might be weighing your wings down, keeping you from taking flight and sensing into your lightness of being:

  1. Ask for Help.  When we begin to sense a heaviness in our energy, it is a signal that we might be carrying too big of a load for just one person.  This signal suggests that it is time to consider asking for some assistance, whether to delegate some of the tasks on our “to do” lists or to simply reaffirm that we are not alone and we have people around us that are ready, willing and able to help and support us.  Remembering how it feels when we help others can be just the motivation to allow others to help us – why would we ever want to rob others of feeling that joy of connection!
  2. Share your Stories.  We cannot experience the lightness of being when our minds are full of thoughts that make us doubt ourselves.  Finding someone you can trust to simply listen as we put words to the stories in our heads helps to put own experiences into context and perspective, without which invites separation and loneliness.  When our stories only live in our heads, they get distorted, blown out of proportion, and become ripe for self-judgment and criticism.  When we share them with just one other person, it creates a space for a new outlook and opens a door wide for a sense of connection to our authentic being to enter.
  3. Act of Kindness.  Which brings me to . . . performing an act of kindness towards yourself.  Society promotes and supports doing for others, which does feed our souls.  However, it is mission critical to our well-being to offer that same empathy towards ourselves if we want to find lasting ease in our bodies and peace in our minds and hearts.  Might I offer the first act of kindness to consider:  challenging your inner critic that is the voice of judgment that says you need to do more to be worthy.
  4. Write down your Mantra.  Which leads me to . . . documenting a mantra that challenges your inner critic’s judgment.  Maybe it’s “I am enough” or “I am perfect just the way I am” or “I am worth it” – take the time to find one that makes your heart sing, write it down using a writing tool with a color that appeals to your eyes, and place it somewhere where you will see it at least once a day, if not more.  The act of committing something to paper creates energy around it and reflecting on it each day, even if only for a few moments, begins to align the energy between our minds and hearts, rewiring our neural pathways for health.
  5. Shine a Light on Shame.  Shame lives in the darkness.  When we invite it into the light, getting curious about it and challenging it, it cannot survive.  Shame silences us or worse, cuts us off from experiencing connection, isolating us from the world around us.  Shame is the intensely painful belief that we are flawed and, therefore, unworthy of love and belonging.  We are all human beings, which implies we all experience limitations of one kind or another, making each one of us uniquely and perfectly imperfect.  So we need to stand up to the belief that our imperfection is something to be ashamed of or that if we speak up for ourselves, no one will listen because we are not worthy of care and concern.  There is a flame that burns within each one of us that others might have tried to snuff out in the past through the weapon of shame.  Our inner flame might have gone dim in the darkness of shame, but as long as we breathe, it has not gone out.  To truly experience lightness of being, we need to do whatever we have to in order to cast out shame from our minds and bodies.  The first step in doing so just might be to invite it out of the darkness and into the light for a long overdue conversation!